sunny
November 18, 2009
My beautiful Sunny died in my arms at 10.30 this morning.
I thought making this slideshow today would help keep me from falling apart,
but I couldn’t get the music to work so try starting both videos at once.
I don’t know what I’m going to do now… missing him hurts so much.
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What a splendid, spirited boy he was (how the hell did he get way up on top of that water tank?).
Love to both of you. Because I think they stay with us somehow.
But it is still like the Earth cracking open when we lose them. I can feel it all the way over here, how much you cared for him.
Thanks, Sled. Flor came over this morning just before he passed. She is going to take his remains to her property in Portugal on Friday and bury him in her garden there. He will be in the company of other beloved pets. It’s crazy how I don’t want to let go of his body – I asked Flor if she could come and pick it up this afternoon. I just needed the morning … I just had to be able to look over and see his face for awhile longer. He’s all bundled up and ready to go now, though. In pretty orange cotton.
The vet suspects kidney failure, probably due to the saline IV he was given yesterday. But as he was dehydrated (again probably due to kidney problems) it was like a Catch22 situation. Either way he would have died eventually.
Sunny went downhill very quickly after we got him home yesterday. I hated leaving him but had to go to the hospital to see the oncologist. When I got home he could barely walk anymore, so I held him tight and then all of us camped out on Nog’s bed in the livingroom overnight, keeping Sunny warm under the duvet. Then this morning he was barely there anymore. And so I stayed with him, talking and cuddling him. And then Death came and almost twisted him inside out for a few seconds, my poor bunny, but I held on to him and promised not to let go until he was ready. A bit later, while Flor was here, he drifted off while we were talking. His face looked very peaceful. That one moment of pain gone forever.
Even now he looks just like he’s sleeping.
So fast, Sled. And much too soon.
Oh, Az, I’m so sorry. They leave such a hole. {{{{{{{{{AZ}}}}}}}}}}
I’m so sorry. I know how much he means to you. Wish I could take you to lunch this week.
S
RIP Sunny. You had a good cat life and it ended where you belonged most, in Mommy’s arms.
I’m so sorry, Az, and I can’t even imagine how empty it must be without him. The Lair Cats send purrs and cuddles.
Hugs en masse.
I’m so sorry.
Am just so sad for you that I don’t know what else to say.
xx
Oh Az…from one cat-staff-person/family-member to another, my thoughts are with you. A great big hug from Canada.
Thanks guys. I just want him back, you know? And I know that I’ll never stop wanting him back.
Right now I feel totally gutted. But that’s part of the deal – the price you pay for loving, for letting a little being become a part of your life and your family. And yet, I know it was all worth it. For sixteen years, three months and thirteen days of knowing and loving Sunny. But it just hurts so much right now that it takes my breath away.
OOXOO
Flor just came and took his body away. He was all wrapped up and I had sprinkled orange blossom oil around his head.
It was so hard to watch him go, even though I know it was no longer “him”. Just knowing I won’t ever be able to look at him or touch him or kiss him again … thank goodness for Flor!
I’m not sure what to do now. It feels like someone has cut away a piece of my soul.
Oh, that’s so sad… But it’s good you were there with him when he went and that you were home. All the best the coming period, I really feel for you.
I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like a ‘nice’ way for him to go – he wasn’t scared or in pain and you were with him.
Very sad now. {{{{{{{{{AZ}}}}}}}}}}
:cuddle:
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What a sad day to lose a great cat! Cats insinuate themselves so thoroughly and beautifully into your life. RIP Sunny.
I’m sorry Az. Having been through a few traumatic and unexpected deaths of pets over the years, I know how it feels.
OH NO!…. I am so sorry! He was such a beautiful kat.
I am so very sorry.
Nog just got home from his classes and is going to go across the street to Bizzy’s and pick up a pizza for us. I haven’t been able to eat a thing all day. I think we’ll camp out in the livingroom again tonight, just curled up watching tv, eating pizza and cuddling Azar.
I can still feel Sunny in my arms. And I keep watching the slide show – with the music! I sang that song to him this morning when we were lying together in bed. But I need to disconnect a bit now. I feel all worn out with grief and from crying. And I still have one little black cat here who is needing some serious attention.
Thanks for being here with me today everyone.
ToyBox, that was the only thing that made me smile all day other than Azar. Oh, and dq’s ecard. Thanks for those.
I’m reading this at work and am all teary. The worst is over for Sunny now but it will take time for you to feel better. Take care of yourself.
I tried redoing your video but apparently, new uploads are scanned somehow to determine if the music is copyrighted. So, despite the fact that there are 300 videos with the music already up there, your video will have the audio stripped out.
I am trying it on Vimeo but I don;t know if it will work.
Well, it works here…
http://www.vimeo.com/7689830
I don’t know why the photos sort of jitter a bit… They did in the original I was adding the music to but I thought it was just on y computer.
And, although I uploaded a photo as a thumbnail, the videos on Vimeo always have the crappy test pattern thing at the beginning.
Oh, that’s great Mudhooks – thank you!
I am sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts.
I am sorry to hear about Sunny. It’s always hard to lose our four-footed family. My heart goes out to you.
Very sorry to hear about Sunny, az.
So sorry to hear that Sunny is no longer with you, I’m welling up all the way over here in Australia just thinking about how much you’ll miss him. What a great and beautiful character! But I cannot imagine a more loving and peaceful end, and knowing he’ll be buried somewhere lovely must be a small comfort, too.
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}
Oh, Az…I feel so devastated for you! Thank you for that slide show – there are so many wonderful memories in there…I am going to cuddle Juno a little tighter now…You are my second blog friend in a week to lose a beloved kitteh, and I am thinking about Juno’s mortality even more now…
Take care and BIG HUGS!!
I have no words. Blessed be Sunny. So Sorry azahar.
My sympathies. Losing a pet is losing a family member.
I am so sorry to read this. I am glad you were able to be with him so he wasn’t alone. Sending a virtual hug your way.
Sunny was a spcial fella, and I feel very priviliged to have known him in all his dogness. It’s very strange to think of Casa Az without his big blue eyes and klunking head. It must be even stranger and emptier for you.
Murphy and Foley send special snibbles.
So sorry to hear this Az, I know you’d been concerned about his health for a while. Passing peacefully in your arms seems like a fitting way to go for such a much-loved cat. Hugs.
so sorry Az, he was a lovely cat.
I’m a bit late on this – but DAMN it! You didn’t need this now (I know it is inevitable for all of us, and especially those of us owned by animals) but why now?
I must admit that I feared the worst as you described Sunny’s problems over the last few days and weeks, but always had a sneaking hope that he might surprise everyone.
He was indeed a special guy. I’m going to miss him.
How is life in caza az today? Slept? Eaten? You need to, you know… *hugs*
I had a couple slices of pizza yesterday and Nog took me out for a tapa lunch today. I just don’t care about eating right now, though I know I should. On the bright side I’ve lost about two kilos so far this week. And I did have a long (for me) 7-hour deep sleep last night. Didn’t wake up once.
Then when I woke up this morning there was a brief feeling of calm and well-being before the knife twisted in my heart and I was once again in a flood of tears.
When will it stop hurting so much?
I’m so sorry Az, but very glad Sunny died in your arms knowing he was loved.
I had to stop reading everything after your initial post as I’m at work and the tears in my eyes were drawing looks, so I hope I’m not repeating anything already said.
I’m a doggy person, not a cat person, but understand the misery the loss of a much loved member of the family causes. I hope you soon reach the stage where the memories make you smile again.
Deb x
Oh, az. I’m so, so sorry. He was such a beautiful, spirited kitty.
I watched your slideshow while listening to the music, and it was such a beautiful tribute. You have so many fantastic photos of Sunny that show his spirit. I laughed at the ones of him up on the door and the water heater, not to mention the one in the washing machine. And what a pretty tiny little ball of kitten he was.
I will be thinking of you lots today.
Because of the length of the song I had to cut out about half the photos I’d chosen. He was such a handsome guy that I took lots and lots of photos of him over the years.
Glad you enjoyed it. I’ve had that song as an earworm ever since.
I think what is part of the feeling I have is knowing one day I will have to part with the one “person” who has been part of my life for so long…. Benjamin…
I have said goodbye to so many of my furry family members and it is always so difficult but I haven’t had one that has been so much a part of my before…. one I chose (or who was thrust upon me but who I knew was “meant” to be part of my life). I know I have a few years (hopefully), yet, before I have to face what you are facing but I know it will come and that is so hard…. but I also know that the pain will be worse than I can endure.
It’s also worse than you will ever be able to imagine. But endure … yeah, somehow, you will.
That was a beautiful tribute to a beautiful friend. The photos made me both laugh and cry. Time will soften the edges of the pain, but if you’re like me the hurt will never go away completely. Peace to you and Sunny.
Hi villager, and welcome!
He was indeed a beautiful friend. And no, I don’t expect the hurt will ever go away completely. But he was – and still is – worth it. Today I actually smiled remembering how he used to always want to be a part of my classes. I used to have to pull his little stool up to the table and place it between me and my student, and then he’d settle down and happily listen to us talk. Even people who didn’t like cats liked Sunny.
There’s a great story about one student who had a serious cat phobia. She used to ask me to put the cats out of the room when she came over for classes (I had three back then). Well, Sunny would have none of this and would scratch away at the closed door until I finally had to let him in. And three months later I took a photo of this woman holding Sunny in her arms with the biggest smile on her face. He’d totally won her over.
Az – I was offline most of yesterday and completely missed this.
And I ache for you, reading it now.
I’m hugging all of mine for you, knowing that there are no words soft enough or big enough or strong enough when this happens.
But please, eat. Breathe, recharge, think, cry. Live. You are fragile, too, and you can’t risk physical compromises – which seem to take us down faster when we’re on or just off treatment.
We can’t be there for the creatures who need us unless we take care of ourselves.
My strongest thoughts, kiddo.
I’m so sorry, my dear, to read of Sunny’s passing. Mark took photos of Callie (BigFatKitty) before she passed, but I cannot bring myself to look at them quite yet. And I still stare at special empty spots around the house and see her there. Very hard to let go, isn’t it? My heart goes out to you.
Thanks Gaelen and Anne.
It’s two weeks ago today that Sunny died. I had a dream about him last night that was so vivid! He was sitting on my lap and I could feel the weight of him and the shape of his body … but it was one of those dreams when you know you’re dreaming, you know the kind? And so I said to Sunny, “I know this is a dream and that you’re not really here, but I don’t want to wake up!”. Then I did, of course, and it felt like losing him all over again.
I’ve watched this slideshow so many times. Plus I’ve looked through the whole Sunny album I made when I was making the slideshow (at least twice as many photos – I had to take out pics here so they would fit in with the length of the song). But I only dared to watch the asparagus video again this morning. After the dream I just had to see Sunny “in action” again. It’s a very bittersweet experience watching him before he got sick, looking all healthy and shiny. Looking up at me with his big blue beseeching eyes…
I keep remembering that line from Shadowlands when Debra Winger (who is dying of cancer) says to Anthony Hopkins, “the pain now is part of the happiness then…that’s the deal”. I know I wouldn’t be feeling this much pain if I hadn’t felt so much happiness with Sunny.
That’s the deal.