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The other day I read this article by Madrid No Frills about her experience meeting two people inside their migrant safe house in Lavapiés, and it brought home to me how much of my social media CORONAVIRUS stuff comes from people who are actually doing just fine. Well, other than not being able to go out much. They are healthy and either still have jobs or have their own resources to live on. So on Twitter and Instagram there’s a lot about sourdough and banana bread, seemingly endless garden bbq’s with home deliveries from top end food and wine suppliers. And that’s totally fine, and I really do enjoy seeing all that. BUT…
In my own reality I am probably closer to the guys in that article. No, I obviously don’t share a small studio apartment between six and I do know where my next meal is coming from, but I also don’t know how long I can keep living where I am, or even how I am going to live as it’s unlikely there will be any tourism here until next year.
For the moment I have had help from friends, for which I am very very grateful, and for now I am also receiving a monthly 600€ payment from the government, which may stop when they end the state of emergency. I am still hoping for a reduction in my rent, all things considered (prices are already going down in the city), so fingers crossed that my landlord will come round on that. Because frankly, if I move then this place will probably stay empty for quite some time. But I do live in dread that I may lose my home.
Getting back to the article, and the OTHER SIDE of how many many people are having to struggle to survive through this, within our own cities. Because it’s not all cosy days at home with lots of great food and wine, with the worst things being that there is no yeast to be found anywhere and nothing left to watch on Netflix.
And this isn’t meant to sound preachy or judgemental, so please don’t take it that way. I am just talking about things as I see them because I also lived six years here as a “sin papeles” and know how it feels to think that any day you could lose everything you have come to know and love. And some days it kind of feels like I am back there again, and that’s scary.
Most days I don’t let my thoughts stray too far afield. I do my rooftop walk, make a nice lunch, keep busy doing whatever, then go to bed again (and barely sleep). But I do need a plan. And work! I’m really crap when I have nothing to work on. Not to mention the much needed income. But I also think it’s too soon to try making plans before we know if/when a second wave will hit us. Before we know what world is actually going to exist after all this.
What’s your lockdown reality like?
casa azahar 
We’re pretty much in that class of people who are making food and drinking wine and feeling as if we can manage the financial hit if we’re not reckless, but the frustration of doing this while the US government does NOTHING but posture, bloviate and obstruct is a daily wear-down. I spend an inordinate amount of time reading various forms of gratuitous light fiction and the rest of the day seems to be: two-hours walk through every deserted street I can find, wash dishes, vacuum up cat hair, do laundry, fix dinner, watch something on Netflix with the Engineer. Creative energy is possible but not ambitious. I’m bummed by not being able to fix people and tied in knots physically because I can’t get my hands on the serious weights that have kept me from turning to stone with fibromyalgia all these years. Hauling my ass up hills just barely holds it at bay. Yeah, I’m that outlier with all the stigmata of fibro who’s able to hold it at bay by blowing out my muscles, there’s a reason for it beyond attitude.
So because a bunch of people didn’t like the e-mail lady or stayed home in 2016, in just one American household of millions, there’s loss of professional income, the obliteration of the support I’ve given all my hurting clients, physical pain without access to a cheap and simple remedy, the operations for my cataracts on hold so I’m walking around blinder than I’ve ever been, and just plain mild depression… and I’m one of the people who’s doing best during all this. (At least the Engineer can work and it really hasn’t changed his daily life much except to eliminate the commute, but he worries about his family.) I’ve come this far without knowing personally anyone who’s gotten sick or lost someone to this. The price tag in the US when we add all this up is going to be unthinkable, not just in dollars.
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I also don’t feel like I’m actually SUFFERING, so far it’s mostly a massive inconvenience. As I’ve said here before, my previous “cancer training” was a lesson about having my life on hold, do without things I used to consider as normal. But without the help and support of my friends now I would be far more stressed and not able to make ends meet. I feel there’s a very fine line between the relative comfort I am still enjoying now and losing absolutely everything. And don’t even get me started on the cats. What would happen if….? Those thoughts take me to very dark and unhappy places.
I also don’t personally know anyone who has become sick or has lost someone to this. Many of my friends here have been working on… well, working. Restructuring their restaurants to provide home delivery and, as of May 11th, takeaway and partial opening of their places.
The future? No idea. I feel – fear – that there is going to be a second wave before long, simply because people are not taking this pandemic seriously enough. People are simply not taking enough care.
Me? I’m still staying in. It’s the best way for me to protect myself and others. And I have no actual NEED to be out there since I don’t have any work. Turns out I can walk for an hour on my rooftop just as easily as by the river (which would be out of bounds for me anyhow). And as much as I would love to support many of my friends who are partially opening their bars (what is allowed is 50% capacity for those that have outdoor terraces) I just can’t take that risk.
On a lighter note, are you following actor and winemaker Sam Neill on Twitter and Instagram? I think you would love what he’s doing. Also he just had a cataract op! xx
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I saw that cataract Tweet! I was so jealous. But I’m not going to any medical appointment that isn’t critical right now.
And you’re right, people aren’t getting it. One of my clients e mailed about going to 11 stores looking for yeast. Her mom who lives with her is frail and 90 something. I clutched my head.
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