Are they for real?
I’ve never been a ‘group person’ , nor someone who likes to surround herself with lots of casual friends. Yet I seem to have acquired quite an assortment of very interesting ‘virtual friends’ over the past few years. Some of these friends I’ve met in person, others I’ve only been in contact with on blogs & forums, by email or on IM chats. Oh, and sometimes on Skype, which is cool – hearing someone’s voice seems to make them feel more like you know them… somehow.
These days I have far more virtual friends than RL friends, which I think has to do with the wider variety of personalities available when you are speaking to people all over the globe rather than, say, just in Sevilla. My RL friends think this is odd.
What do you think?
casa azahar 
At one time or another, I’ve *thought* I’ve made some very good friends online. None of them turned out to ‘stick’ though.
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Oh, hang on. There is *one* notable exception… 😉
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It is far more economical for me to maintain my internet friends. It only requires time and the fee for DSL. My RL friends are precious to me, but they are a far flung bunch and it requires major amounts of time and fuel to visit with them.
I think they are both equally real, but only if you spend time cultivating them. and at some time or other, the internet friends have to lose their masks to you. There are a lot of people, myself included, who use a pseudonym on line. I think that when you reveal your true identity to each other and start conversing beyond the blog and chat rooms is when your internet friend starts becoming “real”. and if you don’t progress beyond that, then you were internet acquaintances, and then they aren’t “sticky”.
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Aw shucks, Blues…
Yeah, I think you’re right, hmh, that online friends start becoming ‘real’ when you begin communicating with them other than on blogs and forums.
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Yep, you have to work at friends – both real and virtual.
The real ones take more effort in time and money as they tend to become increasingly far-flung as life pulls you in various directions.
The virtual ones take more courage because you have to reveal your real self at some point – and we all rather like our safe virtual selves, which is why we’re here, right?!
Az and hmh, I would like to state publicly for the record that I’m perfectly sure that if ever we met, I’d like you both and that I certainly consider you my friends 🙂
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Well thank you, truce, what a lovely thing to say and the feeling is quite mutual.
I’m actually going to get the chance to meet hmh in person next spring, and possibly nursemyra in June, which I am quite looking forward to.
Anyone else want to come and visit? Blues & SLG were just here and can testify that Nog & I are quite good tapa tour guides. 🙂
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I realized recently that I have been cultivating a lot of new internet friends, and fewer “real life” friends. I’m someone who is usually involved in many different activities (classes, groups, jobs) where I interact with a lot of people. In the past couple of years, I haven’t been doing as many of these activities, and so I haven’t been meeting so many new people. At least in person. But I have met some great people online.
I really do consider many of my online friends “real.” I know that there is a real person somewhere out there, and one who I can imagine meeting in person some day. What’s funny is that I sometimes almost forget that I haven’t actually met some of the people I read regularly. I think I mentioned to you that I had this experience with you, az. When you signed up for NaBloPoMo, I though, “Oh good. Someone I know.”
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As Truce points out, being friends takes effort, online or in person.
I’ve noticed something lately when coordinating having lunch with friends / coworkers. If we are in agreement, email is fine. But if we disagree on time or venue, email can get very circuitous, even irksome — best to call. I notice people make more of an effort to get along, on the phone or in person.
Yet there is an odd intimacy to online friendships. People divulge things they might not in person, unless they were elbow to elbow in a pub and buying each other pints.
People will say more online, too — stuff you’d rarely see in person. Flaming rows with strangers, happening regularly on forums.
Online, just our minds meet. Even with image sharing, there is a choice in what to reveal.
In person, I think there is more subconscious stuff added to the mix, plus the nonverbal — behaviors of the human animal. In addition to the words, there’s all the stuff a few million generations of evolution have given us, from the ancient reptilian mind to all the hang-ups we inherit from our folks.
I like both worlds. *smile*
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I quite like both worlds too, ombudsben, and I agree with what you’ve said. I’ve also seen quite a few flaming rows on h2g2 and wondered if people would say those things if they were face to face – I doubt it.
Yeah, I remember you writing that, alejna, and I thought it was quite sweet. Aside from meeting new students (some of whom end up becoming friends) I’m also not as ‘socially active’ as I used to be, something that happened once I started meeting new friends on h2g2. Hmmm…
Another question – how close is your online persona to your real self? I think mine is pretty close, though my rather dry humour is occasionally misunderstood in writing. I reckon because people can’t hear my voice or see the little smile on my face, so extra care needs to be taken online.
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