Azar at five months old.
I suppose it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that at the ripe old age of 15 1/2 Azar is no longer a kitten, but it’s actually something that I’ve only just accepted this past week when he came down with a bad case of the sniffles. No doubt this is another bout of herpes as Loki’s eyes have also been quite watery of late (though that is his only symptom), but the real worry is that Azar might have an upper respiratory infection. So I started him on antibiotics this week and he should be feeling better soon. He has already stopped sneezing so much, which is a good sign – I hope! And so, it came to pass that earlier this week I looked into Azar’s eyes and saw an old cat looking back at me…
The thing is that up until his “mystery illness” last February he was as playful and active and kittenish as Loki is now. Then suddenly it was like all the life went out of him. He’s never really recovered fully from that and has been “acting old” ever since. But I just didn’t – or wouldn’t – see it until now. Even though a few weeks ago I suddenly realised that Azar really can’t see much anymore because of the cataracts. One morning he and Loki were sprawled out on the bedroom balcony and I was lying on the bed talking to them and they were both looking up at me. Then I moved my hand and Loki followed the movement with his eyes, but Azar gaze didn’t budge. So I started waving my hand all around which Loki found mesmerising, but which Azar didn’t notice at all and kept staring straight ahead. Turned out he was actually just “looking” in the direction of my voice. Having said that, he still gets around the apartment as if he can see perfectly well, but it was kind of a shock to realise that he is probably quite blind now.
And so now I’m worried about my upcoming trip to Málaga (15 – 22 August), which I really have to take because of my part-time social media job. They are doing the first pressing at the bodega and I need to be there to take photos & videos and collect information for the next couple of month’s blog posts. Also, Nog had wanted to come down the second weekend I’m there for a bit of a break – which he really does need and deserve after working so hard all summer. But although my friend Bizzy will come over and check on the boys if Nog comes to Málaga, I know I’m going to worry. And if Azar isn’t completely better by Sunday … then what?
It was different with Sunny because his “cranky old geezer” phase came on very gradually, whereas Azar’s personality changed almost overnight. And it’s sad that he stopped doing his death-defying sofa walk and no longer tears around the house chirruping and otherwise being playful and silly. It’s kind of breaking my heart, which is I guess why I didn’t want to acknowledge it was happening. But I have now and so I guess it’s time to accept that Azar is actually as old as he is and make sure that he has the happiest old age that any old cat has ever had. He really is the love of my life.
casa azahar 
you’ve given him a youthful friend to love him and keep him company, as well as your own love, and what cat could ask for more?
But its always rather a shock to realise that a dear friend is ageing, even though its natural.
{{{hugs}}}
LikeLike
Thanks. Yeah, it’s yet another “stage of life” thing, and silly to be taken by surprise when you think about it. I guess that after losing Sunny it was such a relief to see Azar still acting so kittenish. And in fact, he is looking much perkier today – the antibiotics seem to have helped, plus it’s a couple of degrees cooler this morning. He even came and demanded a snibble, which is always a good sign.
And acceptance is good too. I think I was pretty much in denial about Sunny being sick, and now when I see photos of him taken shortly before he died I can’t believe how skinny he was. He was clearly unwell and I guess I didn’t want to see it, which meant I missed out on making his last few months as special as possible. Well, I won’t let that happen with Azar, though I’m still hoping for at least a couple more years… for both of us!
LikeLike
Sadly, it is something that we cat-lovers have to face more often than we would like… I have had so many cats that i have had to say goodbye to or have passed suddenly out of my life… sometimes they have just disappeared, like Chum-Chum or died violently, like Skimmie (who was run over)… Sometimes we have to give them a hand… like Sam and like we face soon with Amber.
It never gets any less painful to see our beloved kitties get old in what seems like a heartbeat. Benjamin is the first cat that I have had through a good part of my adult like and seen me through really difficult times. He’s still seems a “youngish” cat but basically, he is 70-something years old.
http://www.blakjak.demon.co.uk/cat_yrs.htm
LikeLike
Well, that makes Azar about 73, which isn’t really THAT old. And he was still scampering about on the back of the sofa at age 70… I reckon he’ll have good days and bad days and, as Sled told me, a lot of the bad days will just be because of old age and there is nothing much to be done about it. It’s been very helpful to accept this. Like when old cranky Lua was dying of cancer, remember? That chica was the most spoiled cat for the last six months of her life…
LikeLike
I do remember…
LikeLike
Sadly, I don’t think anyone in my family has ever had a cat long enough for pure anno domini to become a factor – always lost to illness, car accidents etc.
I do think recognising it is important though. Our last cat was very unwell and should really have been put down. Ultimately I am still somewhat ashamed that we didn’t make that decision and hence allowed her suffering to go on longer than it should have.
LikeLike
When Sunny’s mother Lua was diagnosed with cancer I made the very difficult decision to just let nature take its course, rather than put an obese 14-year-old cat with a massive tumour through senseless operations and treatments. She lived another seven months after that and I know she knew I knew … then one evening I saw she was having difficulty breathing and that was it. The next morning the vet came to the house and she died in my arms with me kissing her head.
I don’t think Sunny suffered TOO much towards the end. Thinking back it was almost a blessing that the vet gave him the IV that ended up making his kidneys fail, because it was going to happen sooner or later, and at least he also died at home in my arms, not down at the vet’s feeling terrified.
Azar seems to have rallied. And he’s so good about letting me give him his meds. Nog cradles him in his arms and I put a bit of spiked pate on my fingertip, gently pry Azar’s jaws open and plunk the pate on the back of his tongue. This I have to repeat about four times. But I swear he knows that this is helping him feel better – otherwise I don’t know why he’s letting me do this. I just hope he’s okay when I’m away. I think he will be. He knows I always come back.
LikeLike
Oh, they are such dolls snuggling together.
Cat blindness is a sucker punch — I’ve had to deal with it twice and it throws you, because they can compensate so well with their other as their vision starts to go, you don’t see much change in them till the day they really do lose it. It does affect their mood; they’ve lost a connection and don’t quite know what happened. A lot of extra attention helps them stay oriented, I think. Talk to him lots.
LikeLike
Heh, you’ve seen the videos. I actually do talk almost non-stop to both cats when they’re in the room with me. And I probably shouldn’t admit to this publicly, but I’ve even made up little songs that have their names in them which I sing to them all the time. Yeah, I know…
I’ll ask Nog to make extra sure to talk to Azar more while I’m away, call out his name when he comes home, stuff like that.
Yes, they are adorable when they’re cuddled up like that. Less so when Loki has his jaws clamped over Azar’s windpipe…
LikeLike
Of course you have songs. I think I’ve had a song for every cat that’s ever lived with me, including, for Apricat, a lyric set to Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony. When he was blind and scared to be out of the house (it really panicked him) I had a Going Home song that I sang in the car.
LikeLike
Well, my songs are not quite so grand as they are set to silly nonsense tunes that occur to me. You know I really hadn’t thought that Azar might be feeling panicked (duh!) but of course it makes perfect sense. To wit, both Nog and I have been upping vocal and touching interaction, and Azar is really responding to that. Well, I think the meds have also helped make him feel better. In any case, he is definitely more alert and sociable today. Almost his normal darling and demanding self again.
The Going Home song sounds lovely.
LikeLike
You are an extremely good “cat mother”, Azahar. Your boys look so sweet together, and I think you have done well to provide Azar with a buddy for his old age.
I so relate to the “aging cat” thing, as I went through it thoroughly with Smokey. He had a spoiled ending, and that is a good thing. I have no regrets. But I do miss my boys.
LikeLike