I think I need to write this here, so then I can show it to people and they will know that I am not singling them out or judging them. That it is NOTHING PERSONAL. Rather that it is just a very real and personal thing for me. And it’s also a very difficult thing.
I know I have mentioned it here before, that I am immunocompromised due to my previous cancer and chemo, so I am high-risk for catching this thing. And when you add in my age and that I’m overweight with other health issues, well honey, if I do catch this fucker then chances are I ain’t surviving it.
Since we all got “let out” at the end of June I’ve continued to be very cautious about going out. I limit social contact to once a week (my weekly lunch!) and am careful about who I meet up with. But it turns out that not everyone is being so careful, and that is totally their right. Unfortunately it means – for me – that I just cannot risk being at close quarters with them, especially at a bar or restaurant when the masks are off.
This isn’t easy for me. I miss my friends so much. I fucking miss human contact in general. You can’t imagine how hard it is to say no to an invitation when I am aching to go out and have fun and enjoy time with someone I really like… but because they have chosen to take more risks than I can, I just can’t.
As I say, this is not a judgement on anyone. We are all living THIS FUCKING THING in the best we can. Lots of people think I am being ridiculous. And I think some people are being reckless. But in the end, it’s up to us. Our choice.
Recently I wasn’t able to meet a friend before she left to return to the UK because she had just spent time with another friend who’d flown down from Barcelona (no testing). I also won’t be able to finally meet a Twitter pal in person this weekend because he said to me… “Frankly, I’m exposed all day, everyday. I ride public transportation, work in proximity to strangers, etc. Needs must, and we get sloppy through habit.” I really appreciated their honesty.
It’s the people who don’t tell me they might be putting me at risk that I worry about.
So hey, recently doing the daily walks again, often stopping for a cold beer on the way home, and doing more quick supermarket stops than before (as opposed to only doing online shopping). All of this is risky, but it also makes me feel a bit more human. And since close contact with people is minimal, and lots of hand sanitiser is used, probably the risk is also minimal. But that is as far as I can go right now.
And so the thing is… if you’ve been travelling, or have been hanging out with untested people who have travelled here, or if you are out and about every day in contact with lots of untested people, family or friends… dammit I just can’t see you. Even though I really want to. I only ask that you don’t get mad at me. Because trust me, this is harder on me than it is for you. xx