I grew up in an abusive chaotic household and, probably as a result, I strove to create my own happy rituals when I finally got away from there. And my two favourites ended up being birthdays and Christmas. Not just my birthday, I should point out. I would make a huge fuss of any friend having a birthday, the celebration of arriving here, the happiness I felt that these people were actually in my life.
But Christmas… that wasn’t just a day. It was a whole season. Not being religious I always focused on the “goodwill toward men” bit, and films like It’s a Wonderful Life and the Alistair Sim version of Scrooge would raise my hopes that there truly was good in the world, and that positive change was just an epiphany away.
Also… hey, lights! And decorating the apartment, and finding that perfect something for someone. I mean, what’s not to love? The gift bit was never a huge deal in itself, but the quest of finding something that would make someone’s eyes light up (“oooh, how did you know??”)… I always took that as a personal challenge, often starting my stealth Christmas shopping as early as September.
Back in my “baking days” I would start my rich dark fruit cake just after Halloween, and booze it up weekly until it was ready to eat on Christmas day. And back in Toronto my “shortbread boxes” became a thing of legend among friends and co-workers who would receive a white box filled with a dozen buttery biscuits, tied with a bright red ribbon.
In Spain Christmas changed in that I was pretty much always living on my own. But that didn’t stop me from putting up lights, taping Christmas cards from friends around window frames, and usually inviting a few “Christmas orphans” (expat friends stuck here over the holidays) over for a meal. In later years I would make Christmas dinner for my flatmate Peter, sometimes with, other times without, additional friends. And last Christmas was extra special when my dear friends Julie & Steve came to Sevilla just to spend Christmas with me!
Which brings me to this Christmas. I’m once again living on my own, though I’m sure that I could find some people to invite over for a meal. That’s not the issue as I don’t have to be alone unless I choose to be. The problem is that somehow, in my heart, I seem to have misplaced my Christmas spirit. There are no decorations up, no cards or gifts have been sent (well, okay… I did send one on Monday and that made me smile). But otherwise I find myself looking around at all the pretty lights here, listening to carols in the streets, all that, as if I’m in a bubble. I can look and listen, but I can’t touch or feel it.
I really don’t know what to do about this, but I don’t feel like I should just give in. Heck, I’ve got four whole days. It could be that my misplaced Christmas spirit is just around the corner, down the back of the sofa, or perhaps even just a smidgen of an epiphany away.
sledpress said:
Well, you’d never know it from the gorgeous Christmas pictures you’ve chosen to share. Will it help if the world’s biggest Grinch says Merry Christmas? (Don’t worry, I’m still swearing every time the classical station plays a chamber music arrangement of Jingle Bells… but I like the lights.)
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azahar said:
Well you know what they say… one should always jingle all the way (nobody likes a half-assed jingler š )
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Martha Kimes said:
I can’t help with Christmas, but I can’t wait to ring in the New Year with you!
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azahar said:
No problem with NYE, which for me has always been THE night to stay home in comfy clothes, keep warm, and drink cava. Pretty sure we can manage that.
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Eugene Knapik said:
I don’t get too excited about Christmas. I do enjoy cooking some of the traditional Polish foods my mom used to make and I like getting together with family. I’m not big on Christmas gift madness, and when I go into a retail store and here Christmas-pop music I take it as a test of my patience.
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azahar said:
Ohhhhh…. can you send me some pierogies? Or if not… a recipe?
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elizabetcetera said:
I think I got your Christmas spirit … This is the FIRST year I’ve ever put up a tree. (I’m almost 50.) Somehow, the usual Christmas commercials didn’t bother me.
Guess I wasn’t a half-assed jingler this year!
Maybe New Year’s is your thing this year?!?!? Cheers! š
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azahar said:
Nice! I almost bought a little tree yesterday but couldn’t find a small one that wasn’t made out of that cellophane-type stuff, which the cats would chew to bits.
I’ve noticed that I’m still jingling, just more quietly this year. š
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