Years ago I used to make my annual Christmas cake just after Halloween, wrap it in rum-soaked cheesecloth and (with frequent re-soakings) let it sit in a cool cupboard until the big day. It was a very dark and dense cake, baked in a bundt pan. No icky candied fruit for me, I always used dried fruit (apricots, raisins, currants, dates) and freshly chopped nuts (pecans, almonds, hazelnuts), so that in the end the actual cake batter was just barely holding all the fruit & nuts together.Ā It was best served very thinly sliced and was also good with a slice of very sharp old cheddar cheese on top.
It’s many years now since I made one of these fabulous cakes, but I was reminded of them yesterday when my dear friend Lizzie sent me a Christmas cake recipe that looks quite fun to make, especially as I could also practice being a pirate (ho ho ho and a bottle of rum) …
Ingredients:
- Sample the rum to check quality.
- Take a large bowl, check the rum again.
- To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
- Repeat.
- Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
- At this point it’s best to make sure the rum is still OK. Try another cup… Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy.
- Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
- Pick the frigging fruit up off floor.
- Mix on the turner.
- If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
- Sample the rum to check for tonsisticity.
- Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.
- Check the rum.
- Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
- Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.
- Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
- Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
- Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
- Finish the rum and wipe counter with the cat.
Bingle Jells!
casa azahar 
š
Can’t see either of the Snibble Brothers letting you wipe the counter with them.
LikeLike
Gads, I’m getting drunk just reading the recipe. Oy, vey.
LikeLike
I chose a Christmas Cake recipe to rerun in the h2g2 Post, and Shazz told me it was too late. Can you tell I hadn’t actually read it in detail. What do I know about Christmas cakes anyway? Seems they’re similar to Stollen, just drunk.
Your recipe would have been great, though. š
LikeLike
That looks like a great recipe! I might borrow some ideas from it next time I make a wine sauce. Unfortunately, I don’t have a cat, though. I wonder if a baby could be substituted?
LikeLike
I think as long as the baby is wearing terrycloth you should be okay, alejna.
Teuchter, that sneaky Azar is almost leaving me no choice – he has taken a new interest in paper towels lately and seems to like nothing better than to find a fresh roll of them and then claw it to shreds … so if I have to use him instead it’ll be his own fault.
LikeLike
That seems like a lot of work to go through to drink a bottle of rum! Be easier to make a mix from Betty Crocker, and pour in a quarter bottle… Don’t want to waste all the bottle on a cake, do you?
If you decide to wipe the counter with Azar, PLEASE take a video of it!
LikeLike
I will have to modify this lovely recepit, even though I live with two kitties. Problems:
1. If you tried to wipe up with the calico, you’d be sober in a heartbeat.
2. The big tom is too heavy to lift u p for wiping.
Maybe I should leave out a few steps —- like everything after the initial four.
LikeLike