I’m afraid that since the first multi-tasking post, when I had four “jobs”, things haven’t gone quite as planned. Well, the first big deal was finding out I have cancer again and am back on chemo. Then the three classes a week that I had decreased rather than increased (just have one class at the moment – the other student had an abrupt change in his university plans). I also bottomed out for awhile and couldn’t seem to focus very well. But I think I’m getting back on track again and am trying to stay busy …
The other day I did a bit of nifty multi-tasking by combining a morning bike ride with a pre-port installation blood test at the hospital, which will also be used for next week’s chemo infusion. While I was at the hospital I thought I’d check in and see why I hadn’t heard back about my port appointment. And good thing I did! I was sent over to the doctors’ surgery and they said they remembered my name but that next Tuesday they were already booked up. So I asked if I could get in either on Friday or Monday, as my oncologist had requested, and they said they only did ports on Tuesday evenings, and only did three at a time. Huh?
I ask you. Isn’t this information all oncologists should have? Honestly. So then one of the doctors said he could talk to the anaesthetist and surgeon to see if they might squeeze in one more patient next Tuesday … at which point I shamelessly went all pathetic and told them how awful it was getting it in the hand, showed them where my left hand was (and still is) swollen, went on about how much it hurt, blah, blah. And a few hours later I got a phone call from the very sympathetic doctor saying they were going to get me in next Tuesday at 4.30. Yay!
So yeah, since I’m going to need a blood test every three weeks, I’m thinking of always incorporating it into a morning bike ride and, if I time it right, get home again in time to go to pilates class (well, if/when I start back with pilates). Anything to not make it feel like a trip to the hospital. And, as I have already proved to myself, I can actually do this one on my own.
Meanwhile, got a big hospital week coming up and I’m going to have to find friends to accompany me. Aside from the port installation on Tuesday, I’ll be seeing my oncologist on Wednesday and will have the next chemo infusion on Thursday. Whew! I’ve been trying to work out some sort of “buddy system” so that I’m not always asking the same people to come with me, and so I don’t feel like such a burden. We’ll see how that goes…
And as if all this cancer stuff wasn’t enough, I’m also at my wit’s end with worry about having no work and (almost worse) no clear idea about how I can make things better. It all looks pretty hopeless sometimes. Because although I am in desperate need of fish at the moment, what I actually need even more is help with fishing. As in where to be fishing right now and how to go about it. It’s clear that I can’t just rely on English teaching anymore and, although I really have been working my butt off these past few months, the projects I have going have yet to bear fruit and I’m starting to worry that they never will. I end up not even knowing what the next step(s) should be. The weekly “list and brainstorming sessions” really helped me a lot, but those stopped a couple of months ago and I’ve been floundering ever since.
All my life I’ve been used to doing things on my own, relying on myself for just about everything. It scares the hell out of me to be so dependent on other people now. It keeps me awake nights not knowing how to make things better. It’s really wearing me down. All this “one day at a time” stuff sounds good until it gets whittled down to “one hour at a time” and then to “just do one thing”. I can see the usefulness of all that as a temporary means of getting through crises, but it’s not how I want to live my life. Except that I am honestly way too overwhelmed to do anything else.
I can cope with living with cancer as a chronic illness (should I end up that lucky).
I can deal with being broke and scrambling to get work to pull things together financially.
But I can’t seem to do both. At least not by myself. And that scares me.
casa azahar 
{{{{{{{{az}}}}}}}
And I wish there was more I could do.
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I’m with Archie here. The trouble with being an internet friend is when one of those friends is in crisis the choices of what one can actually DO are very limited. So we have to content ourselves with intercontinental hugs and sympathy and donations when possible — it often feels like it just isn’t enough.
I’m sure I could not cope with as much as you have to either. Especially not alone.
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Thanks for the hugs ‘n stuff Archie. You already do plenty. I always look forward to publicly humiliating myself every Friday morning at your place. 🙂
“I’m sure I could not cope with as much as you have to either. Especially not alone.”
Thanks for saying that, hmh. Because I’m really not a wimp. Nor do I spend my days wallowing in self pity. Far from it. But I sure hit some serious LOWS at times and it really takes my breath away. And the worst thing is feeling so helpless. Like I say, not knowing how to make things better.
But even on the worst days I end up smiling at something (usually the cats – Azar can always make me laugh) and enjoying what I can.
I asked Nog to read this post before publishing it – didn’t want it to come across as whingy, but I did want to write about what’s going on in my life right now. He thought it was fine, and so I hope you guys do too.
What I didn’t want to do was make people feel bad, or that they should be doing something about all this. But I also think that there might be even one person out there who might get a flash of inspiration, or know something or somebody who might be able to help me help myself.
And if there is one thing I’ve learned about being vocal on the internet it’s that you never know who may hear you and how your live could change as a result. Also, casa az is my internet home. It’s where I live, it’s about me and stuff that interests me. Nobody has to be here who doesn’t want to be. So I reckon I can talk about whatever I want or need to here.
I was actually going to turn the comments off for this post so that you guys wouldn’t feel put on the spot about having to SAY something, but zoomer gave me hell the last time I did that.
Anyhow, time for a nap. Thanks for listening.
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Damn straight, and I’d do it again!! 😛
Let us do what little we can to help, even if it’s just eSupport. 🙂
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As much as I hate being driven to crying when I get frustrated about things that should be straightforward, I often find that when up against an “absolutely iron-clad policy”, it is always surprising how, when I am driven to tears, suddenly “iron-clad policies” are suddenly negated.
Not that I cry to get my way… It is humiliating and embarrassing to burst into tears out of frustration, fear, or being down-right fed up with a stupid, nonsensical, and unreasonable “rule” that makes no sense… Like the time when I got a certified cheque for my student fees, found I was one day early and the cheque was for $5 too much.
The college wouldn’t accept the cheque because they couldn’t reimburse me $5 and it would mess up the paperwork. So I went to the bank and they refused to take the cheque back… because there was a hold put on my account because I had…. a certified cheque.
After much going back and forth about how they couldn’t do anything because until the cheque was cashed, I couldn’t access my account and the college was never going to cash the cheque…. I finally burst into tears because my college career was flashing before my eyes. Suddenly, the “iron-clad policy” was waived and the cheque was ripped up and another issued.
Surely, there is room in any bureaucracy for a little human compassion and leeway could be made for a little human kindness?
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I’m glad you didn’t turn comments off, too, and I’m glad that you posted about this on your blog – if you can’t say how you feel at home, among friends, then when can you, right?
{{{{{{{{{az}}}}}}}}}}
I’m trying to think of practical suggestions for bringing in some regular cash as I appreciate how much of a debilitating worry money (or the lack thereof) can be. Keeps me awake at night a fair bit, too, and I have a regular job (as well as a wacking great debt).
So, I guess the first thing to do is ask the right questions to clarify exactly what you want/need.
1) do you need something that can be done from home?
2) does it need to be something that can be done on ‘flexi-time’ – i.e. not 9-5 or other regular shift hours
3) would you consider working for someone else, rather than solely as your own businesses? (that one comes from my own past – working as a freelance illustrator was my dream but I couldn’t handle the irregular income, I really NEED to know exactly how much I’ll earn each month so I can rely on it.)
4) what transferable skills do you have? (languages, computer skills etc etc)
I’ll think some more…
One thing which just occurred to me: is there a company which runs tours of Seville and needs English-speaking guides? With northern hemisphere summer on its way the tourist season will soon be in full swing and there has to be an opportunity in that somewhere!
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Well, I didn’t have to resort to tears, Mudhooks, but I did have my pathetic sad face on. Anyhow, everything I told him was true – I was just lucky to find such a sympathetic doctor. Wish me luck. None of my “buddies” have got back to me other than Susan, who can’t make it tomorrow, so I’m not sure what to do. I’m kind of nervous about having this done, but I know it will make the infusions much easier.
Oooh, practical suggestions. That’s exactly what I need, woo. Thanks!
Okay …
1) working mostly from home would suit me best because even if I’m not feeling well enough to get dressed and go out, I can still get things done during “up” hours.
2) definitely “flexi-time”, as I will usually have to fit a nap (or naps) in sometime during the day.
3) working for someone else would be complicated, unless it was some sort of part-time position, and in general wages here are very low. For example, I make twice as much teaching English freelance as I would working for a language school. And these days even language schools are having a rough time finding students, so there’s not much work being offered (Nog has checked this option out for himself).
4) skills … language, basic computer stuff, management (can’t think of anything else atm).
Official tour guides belong to a union and it’s kind of like the mafia. Not sure I could get in and, again, the pay is crap. I have a friend who does occasional tours out of town for a private company, and another who does his own freelance tours. As a part-time option something like this might be possible. I’ve already looked into doing Slow Tours here, but haven’t heard back from them yet.
I’m thinking that having 2-3 part-time jobs going is what is going to suit me and my situation best. And mostly working from home.
I have one person interested in starting the Skype classes next month. And yesterday while out for a walk I noticed a small shop that sells clothing similar to my linen stuff so I left my card in case the owner might be interested in taking some of my stock on a commission basis.
Must also work on getting some money-making ideas for my websites (azahar and Sevilla Tapas). Thinking the store idea might work.
Anyhow, gotta run – yoga class in twenty minutes!
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I think the store is a great idea. I hope it works out.
I couldn’t cope with all that without a lot of support, too. So here’s some (((((hugs)))), and if you want to chat on Skype some time, let me know. Meanwhile, do what the rest of us do, and take it one day at a time.
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Oooh, I do loves me some cyberhugs. Thanks everybody.
And for those of you who still think that Twitter is a waste of time, I just saw a tweet from Gabriella at Catavino. She linked to a BBC article about how “kitchen illiterate” most Brits are and commented that we seriously need to teach kids how to cook…
💡
… and an idea popped into my head about giving kids (10-15 years old) cooking classes in English! It would take a fair bit of organising, but it might work especially in July when kids are off school (August NOBODY takes classes) and then maybe turn into a once a week thing in the autumn.
Meanwhile, the main problem right now isn’t lack of ideas as such, as I do have a few plans brewing. It’s getting organised and implementing them. What I really need is help in that area, with prioritizing and organising what has to be done. I need clear and concise LISTS. What I have right now are lots of ideas scribbled in a notebook and no real idea of where to start.
Also, a business plan would help. But when I look at the plan I have here (Susan printed one out for me awhile back) I go cross-eyed and my brain shuts down.
The irony here is that I’d be pretty good at getting somebody else’s ducks in a row, but as soon as I start looking at my own notes and stuff it’s like a grey fog descends and I can’t think straight. Aaack.
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Hugs from Metro and me….
I’m stuck on your response about your skills — Honey, don’t stop there! 🙂
I work in employment programs, resumes and skills and that stuff have been interests of mine for awhile. A quick google of ‘transferable skills’ brought me these 3 checklists (for a start):
One, Two, Three.
Never sell yourself short!
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I’m glad you didn’t turn the comments off too. It seriously bugs me when I can’t give you eSupport. Although I COULD email you, I suppose. . . Geez, I am so not computer oriented.
The cooking classes sound like a great idea! I’m sure the SKYPE classes will build too.
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store idea is brilliant – can you get repros of the beautiful posters for Semana Santa, and all those other mad festivals you have there? I’d buy one.
Cooking classes fab idea – if Spain is anything like here right now everyone is sending their little darlings to cooking classes – and combine it with English classes – genius! Check out Bordeaux Quay site for ideas – http://www.bordeaux-quay.co.uk . I can help you with set up planning etc if you need it. Space, large table are basic requirements – though depends on how many students you have at one time. Anyway – let me know if I can help. Loads of love. xxxxxxx
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Wow, Lori … very interesting checklists. Thanks.
And thanks for the link, Lizzie.
Like I said before, there are several ideas at the moment, some of them even “ready to go”. Just need help getting them going.
So far I have…
azahar’s Sevilla: with affiliate ads. This site is still very much under construction. It’s kind of the main page for the extensions (tapas, English, Shop, etc), which will also blog about stuff in Sevilla. Any ideas about giving it more focus?
Sevilla Tapas: with affiliate ads, and possibly charging a fee for being the featured monthly restaurant on the front page. Any other way you can think of that I could generate income from this site?
Tapa walking tours. I came across someone who is doing this in Sevilla and charging 75 euros per person, not including food & drink costs, for a 1 1/2 hour tour. I reckon I could do this a bit cheaper and still do well with it.
Sevilla Tapas guidebook. Putting the info on the Sevilla Tapas website into a book. Recently someone I met on line pretty much photocopied the whole website before coming here … I think having the info in a small guidebook that you can easily carry around with you might do well. I reckon it would need to be updated every couple of years. Any ideas on who I’d approach about this?
Sevilla English: with affiliate ads. And the classes themselves “for sale”. Need to find a way of getting it “out there” to bring in clients. But this is a very bad time of year for finding new students. Have had absolutely no calls from my local ads, though a couple of ex-students are saying (yet again) that they want to come back. Since Feria is next week nothing will happen until May.
Skype English classes: on the Sevilla English page. This looks promising if I can figure out how to market it.
English cooking classes: will also be on the Sevilla English page. I am meeting with my chef friend Ruth next week to see if we can do this together. My postage-stamp sized kitchen makes doing it at home impossible. Besides, Ruth is experienced at doing cooking classes, while I know how to put it together as an English class. More on that later.
Restaurant English classes: resurrecting an old idea of mine. To organise classes for restaurant staff. I mean I’ve got the connections! But this one will be mostly for Nog as the probable class times (very early morning or between-shifts 5-7pm won’t work while I’m on chemo). I’ve asked Nog to write up a 24-class outline this weekend, and I’ll do the “selling”. It behoves me to help Nog find work so that he can continue to pay half the rent & bills here. And anyhow, I might be able to do some of these classes too.
Clothing: Not one bite so far on the 50% off sale. And haven’t heard back from the neighbourhood shop about selling some stuff there on consignment. Meh. Might end up putting a couple of styles in The Store.
The Sevilla Store: I seriously love this idea but also seriously need help with organising it. It’s going to require a lot of legwork and meeting with people. A good LIST is required.
And if anyone has a “short & sweet” starter business plan template, please forward it to me. Because I need it for approximately half a dozen possible business scenarios it can’t be too complicated or in depth. Just something to help me get organised and set some goals.
I could also use some help with using social media (twitter and facebook) to better advantage. Have got both set up for “azahar” and “SevillaTapas”.
So you see, I haven’t been idle. I just get overwhelmed sometimes. And am often very scared. The scared thing tends to make my brain shut down. Anyhow … feedback?
(ps. going to get the port installed this afternoon – am very nervous)
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For book publishing, I’d try Lulu.
TRiG.
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one small piece of advice that I am not very good at taking myself is to do one thing at a time. I have to do about a million different things today – write my newsletter for which I need to research lentil recipes and how to darn socks!; chase up school applications for son who has been kicked out of his last one (again!!!); attempt to stop worrying* about him; do the staff wages; call and cancel evening booking as can’t face it; tidy my desk so i can find a lost cheque…. i leave it there but there is more. So I am not doing any of these but whittering away to you instead, which leads me to another method of coping – procrastination. Its not a very good one but it seems to be one which I utilise most frequently.
Re your nerves – sit still, hands on lap, deep breath right down to your stomach, eyes closed, release slowly. Repeat, gently so you don’t get dizzy. Focus on your hands and where they are and concentrate on relaxing them. Might help a squidgeon (note to self, take own advice re worrying* and breathing). Love you. xxxxx
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“write my newsletter for which I need to research lentil recipes and how to darn socks!; chase up school applications for son who has been kicked out of his last one (again!!!); attempt to stop worrying* about him; do the staff wages; call and cancel evening booking as can’t face it; tidy my desk so i can find a lost cheque”
Aha – a list!
Now, if I could take all the notes I have on my various projects, prioritize what needs doing and write up a weekly list … THEN I could procrastinate properly. 😉
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A great resource for checklists, tips on starting up your own business, and most importantly writing business plans is Small Business BC (http://www.smallbusinessbc.ca/). Trust me, a business plan is a crucial step to your own viability, credibility and visibility!
(Okay, I added ‘visibility’ because I wanted a trio of ‘bility’ words! It sort of fits, though!! 🙂 )
Seriously though, a business plan will lend you credibility with the Sevilla Tapas piece — where if you can show a skeptical business owner that yes, you have done all your research and this will actually get off the ground, then they may be more likely to buy in.
Now I know Sevilla ain’t BC…but working through the process of writing a business plan for the Sevilla Az line of products will illuminate areas that need work and give you a plan of action.
[Context here…I work for the gov’t and fund entrepreneurs in the Self-Employment program. I read a lot of business plans..]
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Re the bike rides and working out, in adition to the business plan, I’m so impressed with your energy as you tackle all this and the chemo, too, az. It’s very cool, and you deserve kudos for it!
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Here are a few ideas off the top of my head:
yes, the Smallbusinessbc site is teh ossum. You might also want to look at the Kaufmann foundation in the US for advice and tools: http://www.kauffman.org/
For an excellent (and I mean, supporting two families of four) site using ads, take a look at http://urbandiner.ca. This guy came to my Pimp My Blog class last week and frankly there was NOTHING I could show him that he wasn’t already doing. Each of those ads is paid by the month, in advance, and must meet a graphic design standard; ugly ads are not accepted.
For your english classes, I would be very careful about what ads I accepted. I’d accept ads from publishers doing English books (contact Penguin and other publishers directly) or an Amazon widget if you’re not hosting that on Wp.com. Mostly, you want to control the conversation so either have ads for your own other businesses there (The way Guy Kawasaki does) or carefully sell ad space to businesses that won’t compete but will complement.
as for getting the news out there; call the newspaper. Or write your own article and send it in: the challenges of learning English in Seville, the charm of Seville to the English, whatever. Papers are cutting staff and would love to run something not wholly self-promotional that’s well-written.
Dare I say, you can play the Cancer Princess card and write about how difficult it is to keep working under these circumstances. People will be interested in that; people are always interested in life and death stories, which this is. You don’t have to say how much money you’re making or not making; you just talk about the challenges of scheduling, energy, etc.
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I think it’s more about being stubborn than actually having energy, Ben. And as long as my cats can make me smile, even at my worst moments, I know that I’m not going to give up.
Thanks for the links, Lori and Rain. I’ll try and get to them over the weekend if my brain isn’t too fuzzy from the chemo and anti-nausea meds. Will add “check links” to my mess of notes.
No time today because I have to leave to see the onc soon and there’s my one class with Dr A this afternoon … PLUS I have a new student starting today! The owner of L’Oca Giuliva, where Susan & I had lunch a couple of weeks ago. Still don’t know if that will bring me up to 2 or 3 classes a week, but it all helps.
I think it’s cool how doing research for Sevilla Tapas helped me bag a new student. Hopefully these various projects will end up having a similar “overlap effect” that will help with promoting each other.
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Just added a couple of other things to the LIST above (to keep everything in one place).
Sevilla Tapas walking tour and Guidebook. Check ’em out.
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