Category Archives: life stuff

hope 2019

03 Wednesday Jan 2018

Posted by in cancer, health & happiness, hope, life stuff

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Continuing the “tradition of hope” that began back in 2009 with my first ever Photohunt entry on January 3rd. The theme that week was “hope” and I put up a photo of my battered old daybook turned to January 3rd 2010 with the words “STILL HERE!” written on it. Having just finished a second stint of chemo a few months previously this felt like a very bold – and hopeful – thing to do.

Anyhow, since then I have posted a similar photo on this date each year. So, as always, here’s hoping that I will still be here January 3rd 2019, and will see this page in my book… and smile just like I did this morning.

blasts from the past

12 Saturday Aug 2017

Posted by in casa azahar, life stuff, sevilla, spain, tapas tours, work

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The other day I was wrapped up in all the IKEA nonsense, feeling abused by corporate bullshit, and then I happened to see that – once again! – one of the new corporate tapas tour companies in town had copied another of my tours. So I mentioned on Twitter how disheartening this is, to not only have people copy things I have created, but they even use the same bars FFS, as if nobody will notice that the bars no longer have actual clients in them, just food tour groups. As if bars don’t have their own eco-systems. Grrrrr…

Then the next day I got a mention on Twitter linking to this photo taken almost exactly 6 years ago (Sept 2011), with a great comment from Tim being very supportive. And I remember this tour! I almost didn’t do it because I was still getting over that emergency op but at that point I also really wanted to get out of the house. So I arranged it that I would meet them with Peter at the first stop, just to say hola, and that Peter would take it from there, since I didn’t think I could manage a whole evening out. But I actually made it to the second stop (this photo was taken at Bodeguita Romero) and I remember not only having a great time before leaving Tim and his friends in Peter’s capable hands, but also enjoying my first glass of wine in over a month.

Anyhow, what a great memory to be reminded of, and curiously this was my second “blast from the past” from 2011 this month, since Ross & Annie are also back in town. All of which is reminding me to enjoy what I have and embrace all the GOOD. Because sometimes I forget.

my 11th blogiversary

01 Monday May 2017

Posted by in birthdays, blogging, life stuff, sevilla

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Eleven years ago today…

I put up my first ever blog post with no idea at all that it would lead to meeting so many amazing people (and, to be honest, a few not-so-nice ones). It also got me through the worst of times during my cancer saga and, more positively, led to starting the Sevilla Tapas blog, and a new biz once I got back to work. Just like life it’s been a mix of the good, the bad and the whatever.  😉

I’m sure that by now you’ve realized this is now mostly an online daily scrapbook (a habit I started during chemo to give me some focus). Every now and then something interesting does happen, but usually it will just be whatever.

So thanks for sticking around, guys! It really does mean a lot to me.

Glass of bubbly?

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lee buckley

22 Saturday Apr 2017

Posted by in cancer, friends, hope, life stuff, love

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For ages this was the only image I ever had of Lee, from her Facebook page… and I came to think of her as this sassy Raggedy Ann chica. Then at long last I had the chance to meet her in person when I was in Madrid last January. She was still quite weak from cancer treatment, but was up for going out to have lunch, and we spent a lovely afternoon together.

Lee said she thought of me as her “cancer sister” because reading about my various struggles with cancer on my blog helped her when she was diagnosed. We could compare notes, as it were, and although our situations were very different, Lee felt like I would at least “get” what she was talking about. And yes, I think I did. I also got to enjoy chat sessions with a bright and funny woman, who loved cats as much as I do. I was also thrilled to meet her beautiful boy Tony during that last visit.

Anyhow, this morning I was out at that gastronomy event by the river and was randomly going through messages while enjoying a beer in the sun. Then I saw a message request on FB from someone I didn’t know. I clicked on it, and it was Lee’s dear friend Chris, telling me as delicately as possible that Lee had passed away a few days ago. And since then I haven’t known what to feel. Because the feelings are all so mixed up, the happy and sad ones, the scary and hopeful ones. And the worst one of all, the one I can’t yet accept – that I won’t ever be able to talk to Lee again. So for now, that’s all I can say. Except… be sure to hug someone you love today, and let them know how much they mean to you, how much you love them.  xx

Lee and I enjoying a fabulous lunch at Tandem in Madrid

hope 2018

03 Tuesday Jan 2017

Posted by in cancer, friends, hope, life stuff

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hope-2018

My first Photohunt entry was on January 3rd 2009 . The theme that week was “hope” and I put up a photo of my battered old daybook turned to January 3rd 2010 with the words “STILL HERE!” written on it. After having just finished a second stint on chemo a few months previously this felt like a very bold thing to do.

Since then I have continued this “tradition of hope” and have posted a similar photo on this date each year. So, as always, here’s hoping that I will still be here next year on this date, and will see this page… and smile just like I did this morning.

changes

11 Monday Jan 2016

Posted by in change, life stuff, music, video

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I woke up with my head full of all the changes I had planned, feeling optimistic, feeling a bit nervous too. But I love Mondays. They always feels like a fresh slate, a brand new week to get started on new projects and plans. Then I reached for my iPhone to snuggle back under the duvet for awhile with Morcilla, and began scrolling through Instagram pics… and I read the news. It floored me, it made me catch my breath, it made me so so sad. Just 69, fucking cancer. An amazing life ended. I don’t know why it felt so personal, though I know thousands of people felt the same. Anyhow, I also felt somehow moved to make sure those changes I’ve been planning happen. Because, dammit, life’s too short.

hope 2017

03 Sunday Jan 2016

Posted by in cancer, friends, hope, life stuff

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hope 2017

Continuing with the “tradition of hope” that began back on January 3rd 2009 when I posted my first ever Photohunt entry. The theme that week was “hope” and I put up a photo of my daybook turned to January 3rd 2010 with the words “STILL HERE!” written on it. I had finished a second stint on chemo just a few months previously and hoping felt like a very bold thing to do. Since then I have posted a similar photo on this date and – as ever – I hope with all my heart that I’ll be here to turn the page and see this next year.

Since I joined the “5 Year Club” marking five cancer-free years I am now down to one PET scan a year (instead of every 6 months) but I still feel just as tentative writing this as I always have. So I hope to see you back here for Hope 2018.

on holiday!

16 Wednesday Jul 2014

Posted by in holidays, home, life stuff, sevilla, spain, summer, travel, work

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on holidayIt suddenly occurred to me around 9 pm last night that I am ON HOLIDAY!

This doesn’t mean that I’m not working as much as always, just that there are fewer tapas tours this month and that I have also made plans to travel here and there in Andalucía doing research for my new trip planning biz. So how does this qualify as being ON HOLIDAY you ask? Well, the main difference is not feeling any pressure to have to be anywhere or do anything at any particular moment. So I can just get up in the morning and deal with new things as they come up, go to the gym or takes walks whenever I want, and also comfortably get on with updating website stuff…  at my leisure. Just writing this makes me want to stretch like a cat.

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on coveting…

25 Tuesday Mar 2014

Posted by in cancer, health & happiness, home, hope, life stuff

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tulip chairI want this lily chair. Just like I want the dragonfly. And I mean, I really really want them!

So what, you say? Well, it just surprises me that I am suddenly coveting THINGS. For those who don’t know my cancer story it may sound silly, but ever since I was diagnosed back in 2008 I haven’t really been into buying things. Well, other than gadgets – computers, iPhones, etc –  things that are useful and fun NOW (carpe diem). And more recently I’ve been into buying experiences, mostly travel related. Even after moving house three years ago I kept “decorating” to a minimum. New curtains, some kitchen stuff, a chair or two… mostly because I tend to live from PET scan to PET scan. What’s the point of spending money on STUFF when my next scan might show I’ve only got a short time left to live? With that in mind, I know I was a bit reckless not only getting one young cat (Loki) to keep my beloved Azar company after his best mate Sunny died…. but then I took on two more rescue kittens! Duh. Then again, when it comes to cats I’ve never been what you’d call sensible.

But to get back to coveting. I honestly don’t understand it. According to the docs I will finally be released from needing PET scans every six months if the next two turn out clean – next August will mark five years since I finished my last chemo. And then I will only (only!) need PET scans once a year. It’s a curious thing, living in six-month stints of time. Of course I make plans, and work towards a future. But always bearing in mind that, for example, all those plans I’ve made for beyond April this year (next scan) may never come to pass. And before you say “oh well, Shawn, none of us has any guarantee that we’ll be alive six months from now”… well, you are not me. You (probably) weren’t diagnosed with stage IV cancer and you (most likely) haven’t been told by your doctors that they can’t understand why you’re still alive. In any case, I don’t go around thinking I’m about to die, which is why I keep making plans and hoping for the best. But you know, all things considered, I’m cautious about what I hope for. And so it just seems silly to spend money on THINGS.

Except suddenly I’ve found myself not only wanting things, but quite outrageous things. Like the dragonfly sculpture. I don’t know why but as soon as I saw it I felt like it belonged to me. That I absolutely had to have it. Then today after attending a press luncheon at five-star hotel Gran Meliá Colón I passed through the lobby on my way out, and instead of walking by their fabulous bright red rose and lily chairs (as I’ve done many times in the past) I decided to try them out. And as soon as I sat down in the lily chair… it felt like mine! It’s absolutely the most comfortable chair ever. Perfectly designed for reading, watching tv, whatever. And I want it!

So what’s going on? Why am I suddenly wanting to buy not just STUFF but crazy expensive stuff that I don’t even need? Is my body trying to tell me that it is cancer-free for good now, so I should feel free to buy what I like? Or is it telling me that I may as well blow whatever money I have on crazy stuff that’ll cheer me up because I won’t be here this time next year? Or what?