It is sooooooo good to be home again. Got in yesterday evening around 7.30 and Sunny was there waiting for us by the door (he’s such a dog!). So Nog & I made a huge fuss over him, gave him snibbles galore, a paté treat and waited for Azar to stop sulking and come out from under the bed. Nothing doing. So eventually I had to go into my bedroom, lie on the bed and pretend I was going to sleep. And sure enough, Azar jumped up and came over for his “good night cuddle”. But what he got instead was a full-body snibble and rubdown, then Nog gave him a brushing and then they both got a snackerel of malt (they love that stuff) … and I think we have finally been forgiven.

What’s this got to do with that photo up there? Well, that is a village on the Cádiz coast called Zahara de los Atunes and it looks like I might be going on another holiday …

At the end of last week I was thinking of staying on in Málaga a couple more days after Nog left and just hang out on my own for awhile, but in the end I was really missing the cats and by Sunday I felt ready to come home. But just before Nog & I went out for our last lunch in Málaga yesterday I got a call from my friend/student/GP Agustín, who asked if  I wanted to spend 10 days at their beach house in Zahara while they were away in Mexico. In exchange I would look after their deaf, almost blind, incontinent 14-year-old yorkie/maltese dog Mini. So we are going to meet later on today and talk over the details.

At first I thought it would be great to have yet another free holiday, picturing myself hanging out on the beach, long walks, reading and getting some work done on the laptop, doing yoga on the terrace and generally recharging my batteries. But for ten days? I mean, the week in Málaga was the longest holiday I’ve had in about 25 years. I think I’m not quite used to this holiday idea. And I’m concerned that I might end up just feeling isolated and lonely out there because the house is about a 20 minute walk to the village, which is pretty small. Not like Málaga where you can just wander around and there is lots of stuff to look at.

On the other hand, some time on my own might be quite refreshing. Nog can’t come because he has classes, but we also think it could be good for us to have some “alone time”. It’s been a very intense year and, before Málaga, we were both feeling pretty burnt out. My only real plans for the next three weeks are to go to the gym every day, start my antioxidant low-carb diet and keep focusing on healing. I also really need to find two more tenants for the apartment next door, but Nog says he will show the place while I’m gone. I’d miss one week of the gym if I went to Zahara, but as I say, I could do yoga every day at the beach house, and would be more likely to do it if I’m alone there.

The other thing is that I’d be doing Agustín a favour, because I know he is worried about Mini. He said their housecleaner would take her, but he thought Mini would be happier in a place she is familiar with and with somebody she knows (I’ve known Mini since she was two months old). So he would drive me down to Zahara on Friday afternoon and pick me up again two Mondays later.

So those are the pros and cons. Part of me thinks I’d be happier just hanging out here in Sevilla with ALL MY STUFF … and of course, the cats. I missed them so much when I was in Málaga. But then I think that this could be a bit of an adventure as I haven’t been on my own like this in ages, even though it also kind of scares me. Having just myself for company for ten whole days. Hmmm.

I just really want August to be exactly what I need before I start back to work in September. The holiday in Málaga was wonderful, with the most important benefit being that I left here shortly after finishing chemo feeling like a cancer patient, and I came home feeling ready to take back my life again. Would a ten-day retreat help reinforce that, or would I end up feeling scared and alone again?

What to do, what to do …