duck billed platitude

My list of the top things people should not say to cancer patients (some pinched from elsewhere ‘cos I can totally relate!) ~ what next

The other day Colon Club member what next wrote a post called “the stupid things that people say” and included a very good list of stupid comments and witty responses. And I enjoyed it so much that I’m stealing it. 🙂

I find I do get annoyed with the constant platitudes. So sue me. I’ve lost quite a few “friends” this past year and a half because they felt uneasy about my way of coping and especially about my not needing or wanting what they felt like giving me. I know that some of you will say that people mean well and are often just at a loss as to what to say. But frankly, the best thing to say in this sort of situation is … “oh dear, I don’t know what to say!” To which the person with cancer can simply reply… “That’s okay, you don’t have to say anything”. Or in my case, “That’s okay, you don’t have to say anything, just send money”. 😉

You can read what next’s list below…

  • Sure, you might die but I could step off a kerb and get hit by a bus. Umm, ok I guess there might be a parallel – if you know which street kerb you’ll be stepping off and you’ve got the date, time and number of the bus. Oh, and the bus backs over you for good measure.
  • You have to think positively. Why, am I gonna die if I don’t act like Tigger on prozac all the time?? Do ya think all the people who die are the one’s who don’t think positively? I am positive I have cancer. I am equally positive this is not a good thing.
  • Oh, I know someone who died from that type of cancer. Thanks for that, you made me feel so much better.
  • God gives you what you can handle. I could have handled winning the lottery too.
  • What’s your prognosis? If I’m around in 10 years, I’ll let you know.
  • If anyone can beat it it’s you. Yep, all along the cure to cancer is being myself! Sucks to everyone else, you’re all doomed.
  • It’s not your time to go. Then why bother with the surgery and treatment?
  • Life is not fair. Thanks for the heads up.
  • God has a plan for you. …but He didn’t quite get around to making one for all those poor suckers who have died from cancer, huh?
  • Every cloud has a silver lining. Feel free to elaborate on that, I sure can’t see anything good about being diagnosed with a life threatening disease that is highly likely to kill me and will at the very least leave me with permanent scars and side effects and a high risk of recurrence in the future.
  • It’s just a bump in the road. Living with a cancer diagnoses, getting chemo, radiation, dealing with the multitude of side effects, gaining weight, having hot flashes, being depressed and anxious is not a bump in the road it’s a major mountain.
  • Lance beat cancer… and I am going to beat you over the head with the hard copy edition of It’s Not About The Bike….
  • [After the final round of chemo] Just think, you’re done. Done? I’m done?…I guess I’m done with cancer everyone. Nothing left to do. Umm, how about all the side effects and worrying for the rest of my life about recurrence?
  • So, is it the bad kind of cancer? No, I have the good kind.
  • This is a treatable disease. Oh sure. Chemo, surgery, more chemo, radiotherapy. No sweat.
  • How do you know if it’s working? If it doesn’t work, I end up 6 feet under. That’s how.
  • You’ll be fine, you have a great attitude. If attitude really matters then why did I get cancer in the first place? Or does attitude only matter after you get cancer? Right now my attitude about cancer is lousy. What does that mean?
  • If you really want to live, you will. Just never give up. When people give up, they die. Finally, the real explanation for cancer survival rates! For example, why have cancer survival rates gone up over time? Because more people who get cancer really want to live! Why does the US have slightly better survival stats than say Europe and Canada? Because as everyone knows, Canadians and Europeans are more prone to giving up, right?