‘because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans..’
Yes. I always try to pretend to myself this isn’t true, so it’s good to be reminded, mostly because it’s easier to pretend otherwise. But actually the truth of that is always sanest, and our best friend. And it’s so true in so many ways, at all moments of our lives.
Glad you liked it Fanny. I heard it in a film I was watching yesterday and then found it on the internet after a bit of googling.
Lots of it seemed to fit with stuff I’ve been going through the past few weeks. Especially after I’d hit rock bottom – the week I found out about the scary prognosis and started chemo.
Since then I’ve been learning about who to trust and how far to rely on them. Normally I wouldn’t be in this position but being scared, and sick with chemo (and Nog being away), made me have to depend on others, which only added to my fears.
At least now I have some idea of what to expect when I go through the next cycle of chemo (next Monday). And even though Nog will still be away I’ll feel better knowing that La J is next door and Pipocas is just a phone call away.
So even though I’m still pretty scared about what the future will hold (or even scarier – won’t hold) I’m learning that I really can endure and be strong. Not letting these fears get the better of me is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
But no more ‘waiting for someone to bring me flowers’ … being let down by empty promises is much more painful than simply getting through on my own as best I can. Well, and with a little help from my friends, of course. Being strong enough to ask for and accept help is another thing I’ve been learning.
It was called Ice Bound with Susan Sarandon. About a doctor who is working at the south pole (no flights in or out for the winter) and finds out she has breast cancer. Yeah I know, but practically every tv programme or film seems to have at least one character dying of cancer in them (this morning it was Sean Connery). This one was based on a true story and apparently the doctor is still alive and well.
I can very much relate to what you say az, from my own experiences; but I won’t compare being bipolar to what you are presently going through, as you are in the ultimate vulnerable situation; but one we all have to face. But I have found this to be an ongoing problem all my life.
My experience is, is that it’s an ongoing learning process, that inevitably involves mistakes, on all sides, people being people, but mostly, at least, we’re all in the same boat. But yes you’re boat is a bit special at present. I can’t imagine how I’d be, (it really scares me to think about it), but honesty from others about what they can or can’t do is most important I think.
Thanks for the poem, az! It was a good choice for that film; I remember hearing the story of the doctor, back when it was happening.
My challenges aren’t anything like yours, but I can relate to the message in that poem. I’ve had to reconsider all the terrain in my life, over the past year.
I know you’re feeling very exposed right now, and I wish I could be there, but I hope you also know I’m thinking of you daily.
When I was going through the rock-bottom week I remember calling Nog in Alicante and just sobbing into the phone … and I could hear him listening and being okay with just listening. And once I stopped crying he’d tell me I was the best person he’d ever met and that he’d be home soon, etc, etc. It really meant a lot to me that I could ‘lose it’ and not scare him away, especially as I didn’t seem to have a lot of control over my emotions at the time.
Yeah, it is an ongoing learning process, Fanny. Hoping to make fewer mistakes as I go on. You’re right that honesty from others would help a lot – at least you know where you stand with the truth.
Yes, it was a good choice for the film, SC. I think the message in the poem can fit a lot of situations. Our challenges may be different but the important thing is to try and learn as much as possible from them.
Finally got over here to read this and it’s good that I waited. I do believe you get these little messages when you’re ready for them and maybe a few weeks ago, I was still to raw for this. But now I get it. I need to print this one off and post it on a mirror somewhere or something. Thanks for sharing it and telling me about it.
Glad you liked it, Kim, and that you ended up seeing it at a good time for you. I think I’ll also print this off and put it somewhere closeby. With chemo coming up again very soon (I’m seeing the oncologist today) I’m going to need all the emotional support I can get, especially from myself.
casa azahar 
‘because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans..’
Yes. I always try to pretend to myself this isn’t true, so it’s good to be reminded, mostly because it’s easier to pretend otherwise. But actually the truth of that is always sanest, and our best friend. And it’s so true in so many ways, at all moments of our lives.
Thank you so much for that poem.
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Glad you liked it Fanny. I heard it in a film I was watching yesterday and then found it on the internet after a bit of googling.
Lots of it seemed to fit with stuff I’ve been going through the past few weeks. Especially after I’d hit rock bottom – the week I found out about the scary prognosis and started chemo.
Since then I’ve been learning about who to trust and how far to rely on them. Normally I wouldn’t be in this position but being scared, and sick with chemo (and Nog being away), made me have to depend on others, which only added to my fears.
At least now I have some idea of what to expect when I go through the next cycle of chemo (next Monday). And even though Nog will still be away I’ll feel better knowing that La J is next door and Pipocas is just a phone call away.
So even though I’m still pretty scared about what the future will hold (or even scarier – won’t hold) I’m learning that I really can endure and be strong. Not letting these fears get the better of me is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
But no more ‘waiting for someone to bring me flowers’ … being let down by empty promises is much more painful than simply getting through on my own as best I can. Well, and with a little help from my friends, of course. Being strong enough to ask for and accept help is another thing I’ve been learning.
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what was the film?
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It was called Ice Bound with Susan Sarandon. About a doctor who is working at the south pole (no flights in or out for the winter) and finds out she has breast cancer. Yeah I know, but practically every tv programme or film seems to have at least one character dying of cancer in them (this morning it was Sean Connery). This one was based on a true story and apparently the doctor is still alive and well.
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Some good thoughts in there, even for us unfeeling males. 😉
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I can very much relate to what you say az, from my own experiences; but I won’t compare being bipolar to what you are presently going through, as you are in the ultimate vulnerable situation; but one we all have to face. But I have found this to be an ongoing problem all my life.
My experience is, is that it’s an ongoing learning process, that inevitably involves mistakes, on all sides, people being people, but mostly, at least, we’re all in the same boat. But yes you’re boat is a bit special at present. I can’t imagine how I’d be, (it really scares me to think about it), but honesty from others about what they can or can’t do is most important I think.
LikeLike
Thanks for the poem, az! It was a good choice for that film; I remember hearing the story of the doctor, back when it was happening.
My challenges aren’t anything like yours, but I can relate to the message in that poem. I’ve had to reconsider all the terrain in my life, over the past year.
I know you’re feeling very exposed right now, and I wish I could be there, but I hope you also know I’m thinking of you daily.
LikeLike
Ah, yer not all so bad, Archie. 😉
When I was going through the rock-bottom week I remember calling Nog in Alicante and just sobbing into the phone … and I could hear him listening and being okay with just listening. And once I stopped crying he’d tell me I was the best person he’d ever met and that he’d be home soon, etc, etc. It really meant a lot to me that I could ‘lose it’ and not scare him away, especially as I didn’t seem to have a lot of control over my emotions at the time.
Yeah, it is an ongoing learning process, Fanny. Hoping to make fewer mistakes as I go on. You’re right that honesty from others would help a lot – at least you know where you stand with the truth.
Yes, it was a good choice for the film, SC. I think the message in the poem can fit a lot of situations. Our challenges may be different but the important thing is to try and learn as much as possible from them.
LikeLike
Finally got over here to read this and it’s good that I waited. I do believe you get these little messages when you’re ready for them and maybe a few weeks ago, I was still to raw for this. But now I get it. I need to print this one off and post it on a mirror somewhere or something. Thanks for sharing it and telling me about it.
LikeLike
Glad you liked it, Kim, and that you ended up seeing it at a good time for you. I think I’ll also print this off and put it somewhere closeby. With chemo coming up again very soon (I’m seeing the oncologist today) I’m going to need all the emotional support I can get, especially from myself.
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