covid day 6

Well, that is using last Wednesday (first positive test) as Day 1. As you can see the ol’ T Line is finally getting a bit fainter. I’m far from “out of the woods” but according the the government, after five days of isolation I’m good to go, you know, to work, out shopping, hanging out with friends, travelling… all without a mask. Even though I am obviously still infectious af.

Aside from being angry and frustrated at THAT I also want to give a special shout out to all you deniers and anti-vaxxers/maskers whose utter selfishness is making people sick (or killing them). The government couldn’t have done this without you.

Also you can imagine how I’m feeling about every person who scoffed that l was being “over cautious” and should “get on with my life” over the past two and a half years. Plus a big fuck off to the response that this was “inevitable”. Because in fact it was totally preventable. All it would have taken was that people take sensible preventative measures DURING A GODDAM GLOBAL PANDEMIC. Apparently this was too much to ask for because people are fucking selfish assholes (except for those few who aren’t). Because guess what? I am proof positive that this fucking pandemic IS NOT OVER.

Meanwhile you ask… how are you doing, Shawn? Well after that first hideous night (Tues-Wed) of fever, shivers, nausea, body aches, etc things have calmed down a bit. No more fever after that, but felt incredibly weak, no appetite, lost sense of smell (though could still taste), and body continued to ache all over. Also ears began ringing and right ear hurt like fuck for the next couple of days. Since Saturday ears are still blocked, and I am still really tired all the time, but I can get up and do stuff.

So far flatmate Peter seems to be okay. He had Covid back in May so perhaps he still has some antibody protection? But just in case we are wearing masks and mostly keeping to separate rooms with the balcony doors wide open. It’s so frustrating that this week is when they are starting to roll out the second booster for our age group here. Missed it by a hair!

What else? Well, now I feel like a walking time bomb, because we all know that Covid is much more than “just like the flu”. It is a serious respiratory AND cardiovascular disease that fucks up both and, after infection, can lead to all kinds of nasty, including sudden death from clots, heart arrhythmia, stroke, usually within the first four weeks. Oh, forgot to mention how it also totally fucks up our immune system, making us more vulnerable to not only Covid reinfection but all kinds of other shit out there. Which leads me to LONG COVID! You know, that huge fucking elephant in the room that nobody wants to recognise, especially governments, because it’s going to cost them a shit load to keep these people alive if they admit it exists.

Which leads me to… nobody is interested in keeping us alive. Because they’re not. We’ve been lied to and given minimal resources to keep ourselves safe and healthy. And for the most part people have gobbled the lies up because this gave them back THEIR FREEDOM to return to their “normal lives”. My god. I’ve said it before but probably the worst part of this pandemic for me has been losing all hope in humanity. People want to keep this illusion alive so badly that they don’t care who gets hurt or dies as long as they can take their holiday, go shopping, eat out, go to concerts, etc. Watching this extreme greed and selfishness manifesting and being accepted as “human rights” has pretty much destroyed me.

So now what? Fuck I dunno. Since 2008 every day has been a blessing. Never expected to make it even this far after the whole stage 4 cancer thing. But dammit, it’s hard not to feel angry. Because there is no going back to “normal”. That ship sailed long ago. Especially with pandemic shit in tandem with all the climate crisis shit going on. How does anyone justify getting on a plane for a fucking holiday? We are in drought conditions here in Andalucía but the golf courses are fully booked and all those hotel swimming pools are still open. You know, you don’t really have to wait until the plug is pulled because things have become so bad nobody can deny it anymore (aka TOO LATE). You could choose not to be a part of it. Like we all should have been doing since June 2020. We should have been staying home and taking care of ourselves, our lives, our loved ones, our neighbourhoods and neighbours. Is it too late to start doing that now? I don’t know. But we could try.