Can I tell you? April was a MONTH. I mean, it was a good month in many ways, especially the trip to Aracena, but that also took a lot out of me and left me frustrated that I wasn’t able to do more there because I COULDN’T WALK. So that’s a painfully ongoing situation and I’m a bit stuck in “lose weight limbo” after my last traumatology visit when they finally confirmed I needed a full knee replacement BUT that they wouldn’t put me on a surgery waiting list until I lose 10 kilos. Meanwhile, I can’t find my report from that last appointment (they are usually online) so on Wednesday I will be seeing my GP to make sure she knows what’s up, as she will be the one to confirm the weight loss (when it happens) and then inform traumatology. I just want to make sure this is all written down somewhere. Every day the pain gets worse and to say it’s taking me from my life is a serious understatement.

Another hugely stressful problem has been the whole roach thing (gaaaaah), meaning I’ve been sleeping even less than usual, which was never enough anyhow, and now with the lights on. Hoping hoping hoping it clears up in a couple of weeks (apparently it can take that long for the treatment to work). Plus there’s another landlord “repair issue” happening, also stressful as I half expect him to not renew my contract this summer, though I think he’s missed the cut off date for that.

Plus I’ve been writing writing writing – or trying to – but it feels like there are so many (mostly unpaid) things to do every day, most of which don’t end up getting done. It feels like my whole life and lifestyle need a reset, but I’m not sure how to do that. Yet. But getting out a newsletter every week, updating and maintaining Sevilla Tapas (including related social media stuff), doing (unpaid) work with the Gastro Guías, attending events related to wine and gastronomy, with and without the Academia Sevillana, and then writing more stuff about those things, plus hours of weekly photo editing… it’s not only very time consuming but it’s causing even more extra stress as deadlines loom. Don’t get me wrong, I love this whole gastro world, the work, and (most of) the people associated with it. It’s been my life, and my living, for almost twenty years. But it all feels a bit messy at the moment, all tangled up with too many other things going on, so it’s been hard to focus.

Part of me thinks I should just take some time off. Okay, not totally disconnect (I’d never be able to do that). But if I put a few things on pause, do a few different things, or at least do a few things differently, it might help shift me out of this mess. Like, I could read a book maybe? Anyhow, I realise this probably sounds like a big whinge but I’m honestly not complaining, I’m just… whelmed. I realise lots of people have worse things going on, likewise others are actually waaay better off (way of the world) but I am struggling to find a way out of this tangle of EVERYTHING and sometimes writing it down here helps me see things differently, especially if I come back to it a bit later on.

So I’m not looking for sympathy, help or advice (please, no advice! 😅) but if you’re going through something similar right now and you are feeling whelmed too, you’re certainly not alone. Not sure if there’s actually a difference between whelmed and overwhelmed, but at least for now I am still more or less functioning. More news as I have it.