25 Saturday Feb 2023
Posted in casa azahar, cats, caturday, home
It’s a very sad Caturday. I guess most of you know by now that l had to say goodbye to my darling boy Loki on Tuesday and I’m still so broken-hearted. Tomorrow would have been the 13th anniversary of when this rascally orange bundle of energy moved into my life and my heart. And l know this hurts so much because of how much l loved him, will always love him, and so that’s okay because that’s the price you pay for love in the end. My Loki.
24 Friday Feb 2023
Posted in food & drink
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For the past week or so I’ve been hearing about the big tomato shortage of 2023 in the UK, who are laying the blame at reduced crops in Europe (and specifically Spain) due to drought conditions. Ladies and gentlemen I give you these lovely seasonal tomatoes from Almería and Málaga, bought at the Triana Market this morning. There were also tons of the usual hothouse tomatoes, but why the fuck does anyone want to eat tomatoes out of season? We’d all be better off if we stopped thinking we can get EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME when it comes to food. That’s not how nature works.
It seems the main reason the UK is experiencing fresh produce shortages is that most European transport drivers don’t want to spend up to 70 hours in a queue to deliver their products, and who can blame them? Well then, that means more for us.
23 Thursday Feb 2023
Posted in sevilla, tapas, tapas bars
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We’ve lost so many of our cherished tapas bars in Sevilla since Covid hit but what has been even worse is seeing some of our most emblematic ones being “resurrected” by corporate groups, keeping the same name and pretending they are the same bar thereby profiting from a past that doesn’t belong to them. It’s not only identity theft, it’s heritage theft. They are like zombie bars, only “alive” because the doors are still open, but the spirit and personality are gone. Empty shells living off someone else’s life-long work. It’s hard to watch. Especially with places I’ve known and loved for so many years.
And yes of course I understand it’s complicated, that some bar owners without family or close friends to take over have opted to sell their business intact and end up with a nice “retirement package”, and who can blame them? Not me. But I also know of cases of long-time bars where owners who didn’t own the property were forced out after lockdown because greedy landlords saw a chance to make a killing. Another bar was taken over after the owner committed suicide during lockdown because he didn’t see a way out after having to close for so long. Heartbreaking stories. Stories now glossed over, just like the bars have been with a slick reno job, a change of staff, smart new uniforms, etc. And reopening not only with the same name and concept but also claiming to have been with us “since 1897” (for example) when it was actually since 2021/22/23. THIS is the thing that irks so bad.
There are other stories of long time favourite bars closing during lockdown with those places taken over by new owners who did a reno, made changes, and reopened under their own name with a whole new concept. I mean that is how it goes, right? It’s still sad but it doesn’t feel like someone taking advantage, trying to cash in on someone else’s legacy.
I honestly feel it would be better to just see these beloved places close for good and then miss them forever rather than witness these ghoulish takeovers. These fucking zombie bars.
22 Wednesday Feb 2023
Posted in casa azahar, cats, home
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We didn’t make it to today. The plan had been that our vet Sonia would come this evening to “take him away” but yesterday afternoon I sent her a message asking if maybe we could talk about doing it sooner. It was so clear that Loki was not having any kind of life any more and watching him trying to get to his water bowl and then (and then!) try to pee in the box rather than in his blanket… it was so painful to watch and I realised that was enough. Sonia called back late afternoon and as soon as she heard me she said “we can be there in an hour”. And OMG, it was suddenly all happening too fast and I said “oh no, can’t we”… and then I stopped. Because of course it had to happen. So I said okay and then bundled Loki into my lap. This is the last photo I took of us together while we waited. My heart.
At first I couldn’t stop sobbing, honestly I was totally crying my heart out, I just didn’t want to let go of him. Then I don’t know, I looked down at him so weak and tired in my lap, so trusting, and I realised that he deserved better than this. So several deep breaths later I started talking to him in my special Loki lovey-dovey voice, telling him how much I was going to miss him, how much I love him, but that it was time to let go and that he had to remember how much he was loved, how much everyone loved him. By the time Sonia and Macarena arrived we were both very calm, just Loki and me in my comfy chair, just like always.
Sonia administered the tranquilliser with Loki still in my lap so he wasn’t disturbed at all. I don’t think he even knew they were there. Sonia said “just keep talking to him” and so I did. A few minutes later he got all groggy and floppy and then it was time. I carried him over to the office table, there was a blanket set up already, and we put him there, all limp and barely conscious, and then Sonia gave him the necessary injections. Two minutes later he was gone. And Sonia gave me some time to kiss him again and say goodbye one last time before they gently moved him to a carrier and took him away.
Sonia told me before leaving this was the hardest part of her job and said I had done the right thing to call her (she’d immediately left a full waiting room at her practice to attend to us) then she gave me a big hug. And then they were gone. And my Loki was gone. My Loki. 🧡🐈
21 Tuesday Feb 2023
Posted in casa azahar, cats, home
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I took Loki in for another treatment last night but I feared the worst as the past couple of days he’d really gone downhill. He hadn’t been eating, had no energy, and was also having trouble walking. So they did an ultrasound and it showed tumours in his pancreas and liver, also enlarged kidneys. His temperature had dropped and a second blood test showed that his kidneys were basically shutting down. And Sonia gave it to me straight, that it was time to make that terrible decision. Honestly, floods of tears at the vet’s, I totally lost it. So I said I wanted to take him home for at least one more night – I couldn’t just leave him there – and Sonia consoled me by saying that failing kidneys was actually a “muerte suave” and that he wouldn’t be in pain. She said he’d mostly be weak and disoriented, like being in a dream, not really knowing what was going on. Except I know he knows. But as long as there’s no pain…
Anyhow, I couldn’t bear the idea of taking Loki back to the vet’s and for his last memories to be yet another scary taxi ride, and then to be put on a cold hard table in a strange place surrounded by bright lights and strangers. Then I remembered that when Lua was on her way out my vet came over to the house to administer the final injection, so I asked if they could do this too. And yes, they can. But not until Wednesday. So that gives me until tomorrow with my beautiful boy. I took this pic this morning. He’s next to me in bed, all bundled up and snoring. My heart.
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