I’m already exhausted about writing this post even before starting it. For a few days it seemed like the sudden and excruciating knee pain I first experienced back in May 2023 (left knee), which then extended to the right knee, and then got worse and worse to the extent that I’ve been painfully shuffling around (you can’t call it walking) on crutches since August, was finally about to be taken seriously and treated.

I knew I shouldn’t have got my hopes up.

I arrived at the health centre fully prepared with a typed-out list of the whole saga including every doctor’s visit, every test, every “non-treatment”, thinking it would be helpful for the traumatologist to see it laid out chronologically because, in my experience, most doctors know nothing about you or your case until you walk through the door and then there is the usual them skimming through your files on the computer and half-listening while you try to explain your situation.

Anyhow, my knees were poked and prodded and it was confirmed that I did indeed have mobility issues and PAIN because of the torn meniscus. Then the doctor said she wasn’t going to recommend a knee replacement (wtf?) but would send me to another specialist to see about getting the meniscus repaired. Well okay, better than nothing. I asked how soon I would get this appointment and was told not until AFTER CHRISTMAS. It was like a punch in the gut.

I got the usual ride a bike – go to a pool – lose weight – take painkillers “advice” and when I asked about seeing a physiotherapist the doctor said physio isn’t helpful for a torn meniscus. SO THEN WTF WOULD GOING TO THE POOL OR RIDING A BIKE DO?

I honestly don’t know what I am going to do now. The right knee keeps getting worse and worse and I fear that soon I won’t be able to walk at all, even with the crutches. Meanwhile not working is taking its toll both emotionally (I miss my old life) and financially (so scared about this). And to think that everything is just on pause, yet again, until January… right now I can’t bear to even think about that because it’s just too much. Fuck.