Tag Archives: health

more suspense!

05 Thursday Jul 2018

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Aaaargh. So after wasting a morning of my life at the hospital two weeks ago (but getting a cool ride in a Jaguar!)  today’s oncology appointment was also postponed because the results weren’t signed in time. So now I have an appointment on July 12th… BUT… it turns out my oncologist is going to be away on holiday (!!) so I will end up seeing someone I don’t know and who doesn’t know me. I could put it off until August – and maybe I should? – but I would really like to know what’s going on. Meanwhile I have recklessly booked my summer trips thinking that if anything horrible had shown up on the last CT they would have called me in sooner. Anyhow, that’s me at the moment. Not too thrilled about things, and still quite nervous, but hoping for the best.

the jag

21 Thursday Jun 2018

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So this morning was THE BIG DAY. After several months of tests, including the original PET scan, then a colonoscopy, endoscopy, blood tests, a CT scan with another follow-up CT last week… I was finally going to get my results. To hopefully tell me what is going on with the mysterious “area of inflammation” they found during my last PET scan in February.

I won’t lie. I’ve been a bit of a mess about this since they started “investigating” this inflammation. I do my best to live in denial and just carry on with my life, but when it comes to stuff like booking a tapas tour a few months in advance, I am left wondering if I’ll actually be able to do it. Likewise with my summer plans. I’ve been putting everything on hold until I got the “go ahead”. Which was supposed to be today.

Except it wasn’t. I got to the hospital and after more than an hour in the hot and crowded waiting room, I was shown into the oncologist’s office… only to be told the CT scan results hadn’t been processed yet. WTF? My oncologist looked surprised and said – “oh, didn’t they call you yesterday?”. Well of course they hadn’t fucking called me yesterday, otherwise I wouldn’t have been there. Also, I wouldn’t have lost most of this week in a state of suspended emotion, not daring to feel or hope… JUST IN CASE. And so I sat there not believing this was happening. Then the doctor pulled a date out of the air – July 5th – to meet again, saying that FOR SURE the results will have been processed by then. Well, what choice do I have?

I walked out of the hospital feeling a whole whack of mixed emotions. In some ways I was relieved because “no news is good news”. Well, maybe. But I was also annoyed at having lost my entire morning, not just the 3 hours getting to and from the hospital, and waiting there, but really the whole day up until then. BUT… what saved the entire experience from total disaster was… my taxi! I always taxi to the hospital and then usually walk back, mostly because I am so stressed before going that a taxi is a comfortable and easy way of getting there.

Anyhow check it out. I got into the taxi, not paying much attention. Then I noticed the big JAGUAR logo on the dashboard screen. And so I stupidly said to the driver – THIS IS A JAGUAR??? Then I went all fan girl, saying how Jags were my favourite cars and that I couldn’t believe that I was in a Jaguar taxi. The driver informed me that not only was this was the only Jaguar taxi in Sevilla, it was the only one in Spain. WOW. I told him that I was going to the hospital for test results and that I took this as a positive sign, and also that it was so cool that I’d be arriving there in style. And bless him, he said he was sure this meant everything was going to be okay. Then he showed me a photo of his friend’s taxi – the only Maserati taxi in Spain. I’m telling you, this totally MADE MY DAY. Being driven to the hospital in a Jaguar XF.

Meanwhile, I now have two more weeks of hellish anxiety until the next oncology appointment. I wish I would have asked my driver for his card so I could always call him up when I have to go to the hospital…

summer drinking

16 Saturday Jun 2018

Posted by in casa azahar, food & drink, health & happiness

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Pretty much the only fluids I drink are water and wine. Okay, I have a cup of coffee and small glass of juice each morning, but really that’s about it. During the winter I drink room temperature water, and a lot of it, at least two litres a day. And sad to say, I drink mineral water, which makes me feel guilty about ALL THAT PLASTIC (even though I do recycle). It’s just that at room temperature the tap water can taste a bit weird. But in summer I do this! And I love it. Jugs of chilled tap water filled with lemons and limes. It’s not only delicious but I can drink it guilt free. Though I still take a bottle of mineral bottle to bed with me at night…

to have and have not

09 Wednesday May 2018

Posted by in cancer, casa azahar, chemo, health & happiness, home, sevilla

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This has been a strange week for me. Exactly ten years ago I went to the Feria de Jerez and spent a fun day there with friends. And on the way back to get the train I saw this graffiti (Tengo Cancer – I Have Cancer) on the wall beside a bar next to the station, and something about it moved me to take a photo. There was something poignant yet hopeful yet… I dunno… about it. Whatever. I took the photo.

The very next day I doubled over in extreme pain and thus began two of the most profound years of my life. Not going to go over the whole ordeal again here – if you’re interested you can check out this link. Suffice it to say I somehow survived stage 4 colon cancer with metastasis to the liver and peritoneum, including 3 major abdominal surgeries and being on chemo twice (first 2 months, then 5 months). The chemo was diabolical, but apparently got rid of all the nasty cancer. At what cost to the rest of my body cells? Frankly, I don’t give a damn. I just don’t ever want to go back on chemo again. It was then that I (badly) photoshopped the graffiti photo thusly…

Fast forward to January 2018 and another routine PET scan. Except instead of being given the usual – everything looks fine, see you next year! – I was told there was concern about an area of inflammation that had grown significantly since the previous PET scan. This led to me having several tests done, including a colonoscopy, endoscopy and a CT scan. With a second CT coming up in June, so they can check the progress (or decline) of the “area of concern”. Worried? Well, hell yeah! Because that’s basically all I ever do. Not just about health issues. I worry about EVERYTHING. All. The. Time. It’s exhausting, but I can’t seem to help it.

Anyhoodle… getting back to my initial story. This week marks the 10th anniversary of the beginning of the whole cancer thing, which in my mind is always connected with the Feria de Jerez. And so today I had to go. Nothing morbid or weird, it was more like touching base. Because back then was when all that started, and ten years later I am still here and able to go back and enjoy my favourite feria in Spain. So I did. And it was lovely (nice feria pics coming soon – promise!).

Except this year I am not sure if I “have or have not”… tengo o no tengo. Still waiting to find out. And these days this is what is left of that poignant graffiti. Looks a bit ghostly. Like they tried to paint over it but couldn’t quite get rid of it. I’ve often wondered who this person was, and whether they got better. I sincerely hope so. Just like I hope I will continue to be okay too. So… bit of an emotional day.

 

my first endoscope

01 Thursday Mar 2018

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The endoscope examination is pretty much like the one at the other end, except without the horrendous massive “clean out” prep. For this one all I had to do was not eat or drink for 8 hours before the test. I actually had my last meal more than 12 hours before, but going 8 hours without any water (!!!) was really hard. I’m a 2-litre a day water drinking fiend.

Just like with the colonoscopy I was sedated before the procedure but this time I wasn’t so lucky with my nurse, who could NOT seem to find a vein anywhere. And hand pokes are way more hurty than arm pokes, but anyhow. I was eventually chemically relaxed enough and they did their stuff. It was uncomfortable more than painful, and I got a bit gaggy towards the end, but nothing too awful. And then I was wheeled into the recovery area.

And the best thing of all was that they told me they hadn’t found anything, that I was “all clear”! I have to say that I love this about the Digestivo department, giving patients their results straight away so they don’t have to wonder and worry until they see their doctors again (my next onc appt is March 19th). Though I suspect they only hand out the good news results. But hey, I am happy.

From what I understand, this now means that they have ruled out two of the main possibilities for recurrence – for now. Next up will be another CAT scan three months from now to compare those results to the last one. The main issue being ALL THAT INFLAMMATION that nobody can explain. And so… good, right? At least until I hear otherwise. And so, back to living in denial.  😉

still in limbo…

26 Monday Feb 2018

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I’ll write something more about my fab weekend away later. As usual, it was great to come home and be welcomed by los gatos (this big lug was especially happy to have his comfy warm human lap back). Though I didn’t sleep so well because today I had my oncology appointment to get the results for the colonoscopy and CAT scan. Bottom line is that I am still in limbo for now.

The colonoscopy results were good, which I already knew because at the time I asked them if they had taken samples to be tested, and they said no because they hadn’t found anything. Phew!

But I had to wait until today for the CAT scan results. In a word, they were inconclusive. There is still that pesky area of inflammation sitting over my stomach that is obscuring any clear scan results, either the PET or CAT. The reason I am getting all these extra tests now is because the last PET scan results showed that the inflammation had grown substantially since the previous one, and I was also in a lot of pain. Though shortly after the last PET the pain suddenly disappeared.

And so, because they don’t actually know what is going on in that murky area of inflammation, I now have to have an endoscopy so they can look inside my stomach. That will happen on Thursday. AND THEN… I have to go through the hell of waiting for results until my next oncology appointment on March 19th.

I like my new oncologist. She is very clear and sympathetic, and answers all my questions. Today she said that because of this “murky area” they simply cannot say with certainty that I am in the clear. And so even if the endoscopy comes back clean, they will still want to do a follow-up CAT scan in three months. She said the only way to be 100% sure that I have no cancer is to operate, which she thinks is too aggressive an approach at this time, especially as the pain has disappeared.

After having undergone four major abdominal operations, the main suspect at the moment is post-op adhesions, when the buildup of fibrous bands of scar tissue wreaks havoc on the surrounding organs. This very same buildup often shows up as inflammation on scans, and can obscure scan results.

So here I am once again in limbo. Of course I am relieved that I wasn’t told today that they’d found cancer and then passed on a death sentence… but I am not out of the woods yet. Because although my doctor told me today it was a positive sign the pain had gone, they wouldn’t be doing these extra tests fer nuthin. So today felt like a “stay of execution”, and now I am waiting (with fingers crossed) for a full pardon. xx

tic tac

13 Tuesday Feb 2018

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Compared to a PET scan a CAT scan (or in Spanish a TAC) is a piece of cake. The prep is basically the same, just don’t eat from the evening before. Though in this case they asked me to drink a litre of water an hour before the CAT, but that is WAY EASIER than prepping for a Colonscopy. The main difference is that a PET takes about half an hour inside the machine WITHOUT MOVING (and of course when they tell you NOT TO MOVE you suddenly get a leg cramp or a nose itch). The CAT is mere moments in the machine, so easier, though both scans require that a substance be injected prior to the test.

As always, the main issue I have with these various injections is lucking out with a nurse who can FIND A VEIN. It ain’t easy. Apparently I have very fine veins which are difficult to locate and, to make matters worse, they also “roll” when the needle is stuck in, making it very hard to hit the target. Often they go for the easier option – THE HAND – because you can at least see a couple of veins there. But my right hand was still bruised and swollen from the colonoscopy nurse, who used it to inject a sedative last week, and the left hand wasn’t giving any clues as to where my veins might be. Eventually my very kind nurse today found a vein in my left arm to inject the contrast stuff… after that the scan itself only took five minutes. The nurse also wrapped my “needle wound arm” very tightly with tape – I mean really tightly – and I asked if that was necessary (because it kinda hurt). And she said – “well, I don’t want you to end up with a huge bruise like you have on your hand now”.  And she was right. A few hours later there is no bruise on my inner arm, yet my hand is still bruised and tender a week later.

Peter very kindly came to the hospital with me for my 8.45 am appointment, and once the test was over we decided that we should find a nice place for breakfast. There was an option to taxi to the centre of town and start looking from there, but I really just wanted to walk. And so we started walking and suddenly it came to me that I had to have a breakfast bagel at Otto Café!!! Which was just over an hour away – or 9000 Fitbit steps – from the hospital. But dammit, we did it.

After that I did a bit of shopping at the market, and now I am home making a killer chicken garum masala (most of which will end up in the freezer for later). And all the while I am hoping all is well. I didn’t sleep a wink last night, other than a short period when I dreamt that they found all kinds of cancer in me after my tests. My next oncology appointment is February 26th, but I am hoping Isabel will be able to let me know my CAT results before then. Waiting is hell.

good news, bad news…

25 Thursday Jan 2018

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officially radioactive!

I’ve been having routine PET scans since I was first diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer (metastasis to liver) back in May 2008. At first they were every six months, but then once I became a member of the 5 Year Club they were reduced to once a year.  And every time I’ve been scared witless, fearing I’d hear the worst after my scan. I am very fortunate that my friend Isabel is the head of Nuclear Medicine at my hospital, so she always has a look at my scan while I’m there and gives me the results on the spot. She’ll call me into the PET area and say “all normal, nothing to worry about” and then send me on my way, not quite believing my good fortune.

But today after my scan Isabel called me into a private office and asked me to sit down.

And well, it’s kind of good news / bad news. The good news is that my liver is clean, no signs of anything nasty going on there. The bad (or potentially bad) news is that the “area of inflammation” that has been showing up on my PET scans since 2008 has increased dramatically. Over the years this area has been constantly shrinking, with each PET scan showing it a bit smaller and, as long as it kept shrinking, it was always considered a result of scar tissue. Today Isabel told me that it is back to the size it originally was back in 2008. And so now I will have to undergo more tests – CAT scan, ultrasound, colonoscopy – to (hopefully!) rule out cancer. In theory it could be an inflammatory infection, complications due to the adhesions, or any other number of non-cancer-related issues. Or it could be cancer. And so, Isabel has taken steps to get me an appointment with Oncology asap so they can start the extra testing.

I’m annoyed that they didn’t take me seriously at Emergency when I went there complaining about the abdominal pain back in November (exactly two months ago today). My GP also blew me off when I went to ask him about it afterwards, saying I just had gas and should take a pain killer. And even when I saw an oncologist at the beginning of January, she was totally dismissive about my complaints (you need to lose weight, I’m sure it’s just gas), and reluctantly booked my next PET scan.

The good thing is that now Isabel is setting the wheels in motion for me to get the appropriate extra testing done and, more importantly, to have me taken seriously by these other doctors. Meanwhile I am fluctuating between absolute terror and total denial. How’s your day going?

i’ve lost a “loki”!

22 Monday Jan 2018

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I’ve lost a Loki! Well, so to speak. Since this time last year I am 8 kilos lighter, and 6 of those I have lost since October. So I’m feeling good about that, other than the fact that the more recent weight lost is mostly due to my chronic abdominal pain thang. But it’s kind of amazing to think when I pick up Loki – who is a LOT of cat as you can see – that I am no longer carrying that around with me. And it’s also inspired me to actually TRY to lose more weight now, as I still have a long way to go. Anyhow, off to a good start. New year, new me, blah blah blah…

oncology visit

05 Friday Jan 2018

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Ever since “Lost Saturday” I’ve been quite concerned about the abdominal pain I’ve been experiencing since the beginning of November. I thought for awhile I’d figured out the source of it, but then it shifted, and now it’s worse than ever… really, wtf?

Anyhow, I finally got to see an oncologist today to request my annual PET-TAC scan (it used to be every 6 months), and that was fine. Or as fine as things can go when you are talking to a doctor you’ve never seen in your life, and you are talking about your life… In this case the doctor put in the request, but then she said to me that this would probably be the last time I will need to have scans. Ummm… what? No more annual scans? Why not?

This is a photo I took back in 2009 to show the scars I’d been left with after the 3 slice & dice abdominal cancer ops (there was also a subsequent non-cancer related surgery in 2011, following the same scar lines). So that area of my ever-ageing body is pretty much a big mess. If there are reasons (adhesions?) that I have PAIN all the time now… why can’t anybody tell me this? It’s very frustrating. All I can do now is wait for the next PET-TAC.