. . . on Monday 22 September
A couple of nights ago I got a call from Isabel (one of The Team) asking me if I had a date for the liver resection, and I told her nobody had called me yet. She said she thought that was strange because when they had spoken to the head of surgery on my behalf the week before they were told the surgery was going to be ‘very soon’ and Isabel thought this meant it would be this coming Monday, the 15th.
All of a sudden I panicked because, although I have really enjoyed and appreciated these past chemo-free ten days, it just seemed too soon to go back into hospital. I didn’t feel ready for it. So I told Isabel that I really hoped it would be scheduled for the 22nd and she said she’d call them again and get back to me. Which she did yesterday morning and I was very relieved when she told me the date (and I wondered if she had anything to do with it). In any case, I reckon the infected wrist would have kept me from having surgery this Monday, but I am pleased to have another ten days of ‘holidays’.
Unlike last time I can prepare for this operation, both emotionally and practically. The practical stuff is obviously easier; for example I’m going to get my hair cut quite short next week so it’s less hassle, plus I’m making a list of all the things I know I’ll want and need while I’m there (about 2 weeks, I’ve been told). The emotional stuff is going to require more work, though Nog has said he’ll stay with me the first night (I’ll be ‘checking in’ the evening before the op) which will help a lot. I can imagine us still up and playing scrabble at 3 in the morning …
Any other ideas for ’emotional prep’?
casa azahar 
I’m an ’emotional masker’ — do something that distracts from the issue. I find that re-reading a book I’ve read before and loved is automatically calming…I’ll actually open it up in the middle and just dive in. Or, failing that, very compelling books, that ‘take you away’.
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Just know that everyone is sending you good thoughts and that we all love you…
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I think the practical prep will probably help you with the emotional prep, to be honest. Knowing that you’ve done it will help, and doing it gives purpose and structure which can also be of benefit.
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crying and getting the crying over with, along with some more crying always makes me feel better. you’ll do just fine!
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Lori’s advice is excellent, I think. I always turn either to Sherlock Holmes or to Georgette Heyer in a crisis and they never fail!
š
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Concentrate on the outcome, not on the process. It’s kind of like writing. Thinking too much about what you’re doing or going through makes it harder to get the result you want.
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Visualize the end result you want. Take deep breaths. Just know that the Universe is looking after you.
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I did just that while I was recovering from the last op, Lori – reread all the Sam Vimes books, one after the other. It felt like hanging out with old friends. Maybe I’ll bring The Salterton Trilogy with me this time.
That’s very true, SL. I find that doing as much practical stuff as I can makes me feel calmer. Even if it’s stuff like yesterday, when I made a list of all my passwords (bank, emails, etc) for Nog. You know, in case I don’t come back ! At least this time I’ll be able to pack a bag to take with me and I find that somehow comforting.
I am trying not to think too much about the process, ian. Though I was told that this is an even more serious operation than the emergency colon resection was. I was warned that I was going to wake up in the ICU and that I would most likely be needing a blood transfusion because of the high risk of haemorrhage. So it’s hard to keep all that information out of my head.
Otherwise and that … I’m not much of a crier and I’m crap at all that visualisation stuff. So maybe I’ll let you guys do the positive vibe thang while I focus on not being terrified by using distraction therapy.
And don’t forget to leave comments while I’m away! Pipocas lets me read them on her Crackberry when she comes to visit (this would be a great time to have that iPhone!). She and Nog will be revising their rĆ“les as my ‘sister’ and ‘husband’, so they can visit whenever they want.
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Well, being the cynic I am… you’ll get a nice new scar to show your nieces and nephews when you tell the fabulous story about the HUGE crocodile you fought and conquered in the Nile… and that used to live as a pet in your swimmingpool until it grew out of it, and you released back into the Nile again…
The worst with going under the knife is the nausea when you up. Blargh! OK, the pain from the cut is not that nice, but both are manageble.
I guess haircuts, prepared meals, and lots of good reading also will do.
*hugs*
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Gads, Az, don’t start re-reading another Robertson Davies series! I might have to join you, and where would we be then?! I’d have more hits to my book blog from students searching for ready answers (Our RD discussions are the most popular pages on that blog!).
š
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Can you/do you meditate? You’re intense enough, you oughta be good at it.
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Glad you have a date for surgery. Don’t worry about the visualizing crap, hon. I’m good at it and I’ll do a lot of it in your behalf. It does help the outcome if you can do it, but just making the statement aloud works well too. Something like “I’m having surgery and the team will locate and remove all the cancer.” is enough.
I have never had surgery except for my tonsils out 50 years ago, so I have no idea how to prepare. I’m sure that knowing the date is a heck of a lot easier than having it thrust upon you in the midst of life threatening circumstances.
Sept 22 is Jim’s birthday. It will be easy to remember your surgery date because of that, so I can hold you in my thoughts.
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Yes, I will get a nice new scar, dq. Apparently a rather large horizontal J-shaped one just below my ribs. I should do a scar shot for the blog.
I didn’t have nausea after the colon resection because of having that awful tube through my nose and down into my stomach. It was vacuuming out everything in there so I didn’t get sick. Don’t think I’ll have that this time though. At least, I hope not. I’d rather be sick for a day than have that damn tube in for four.
Lori, you make me blush with shame as I haven’t been participating on our Robertson Davies discussions, though I have been reading them.
INTENSE? Moi? Aw shucks . . .
Actually, I’m too scatterbrained to meditate. I think this is why multi-tasking comes so naturally to me – unless I’m doing four things at once I feel restless.
Something like āIām having surgery and the team will locate and remove all the cancer.ā is enough.
And probably much more positive than “Gaaaaa! I don’t wanna die bleeding like a stuck pig on the operating table!!”
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So here it is less than a week before my operation date and nobody from the hospital has been in touch with me yet. Well, other than The Team, but that’s not even their job.
Isabel told me if they haven’t called by Wednesday to let her know and she’ll call them again. And Pilar thought they should be informed about the cat bite infection as well.
But hey, what do I know? I’m just the patient.
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The 2nd last time I was under general anesthesia and knew that the neurosurgeons were about to mess around (not much, but anyway) inside my head I got around to write my will and sort out a few practical things just in case I shouldn’t wake up.
I just wanted to be sure that the hatchlings (two were still teenagers) should not have too much trouble with matters I could anticipate, like transplantation, research donations, funeral, which people to contact and how, bank account numbers, passwords and such.
Hmm, maybe it’s about time I update that…
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Hmmm… I’ve never written a will. Maybe I should also do that this week. As I say, I’ve given Nog things like bank account numbers, passwords, etc, and we’ve talked about what he would do and where he would live (with the cats, of course), but these conversations tend to be ‘short and to the point’ because I end up feeling scared. And actually, so does Nog. But at least the basics have been covered.
I’ve also made up a huge whack of food (bolognese sauce, chicken curry, beef burritos) and have frozen them in individual packets, so Nog has about ten meals that he’ll just have to heat up. As he’ll be at the hospital most evenings until late it will be important for him to have a good lunch.
And now I’m off for my ‘hospital haircut’. I’m feeling extra jittery today, not sure why…
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I just got THE PHONE CALL and it’s now official. I’m supposed to check into hospital around 6pm on Sunday … eep!
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It must be better to know, though – no? š
Be calm, stay strong! Unfortunately there is nothing any of us out here can actually DO, but you’re in my thoughts.
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Yes, it is better to know, Johnny. But I mean, 48 hours sure isn’t much notice. I’m very glad Isabel got the date from the head of surgery last week so I was able prepare myself a bit.
Off to see Dr A now … The Scar has suddenly become inflamed and painful. I hope it’s nothing serious.
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Hi,
All best wishes and we will be thinking and praying for you.
With our love,
Alison & Paul
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Thanks Paul & Alison. Tomorrow at this time I’ll be tucked up in my hospital bed … eep!
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Hi sweetie – just wanted to say you popped into my head as I was going to sleep last night and given the date now I know why. You are a glorious and strong woman and will come out even more so after this ordeal.
I remember the first time we really got talking, in the cafe over Next (long gone now and no great loss!), on the Triangle in Bristol, and how we really clicked at that point. Then you headed off to Salamanca, leaving boxes of stuff with me that I trailed round so many different addresses before they finally got back to you!
Then all those letters, millions of them, most of which I still have, which then morphed into emails as technology removed the need for paper and stamps (I miss paper and stamps though). My visits to Seville, first on my own, then with my beloved Stu, the heat, the fans, the pink straw hand bag!
Great memories, and I will back there soon to make some more – either during your recuperation, or in the spring to drink vast quantities of rioja and eat tapas all day long.
Love you honey –
L.xxxx
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Lizzie, thank you for bringing back such lovely memories. Wow, sixteen years sure passes quickly, eh? Remember my bedouin beach ensemble in Conil? š
I remember Stu once saying that he always felt safe before going into surgery because he felt like he was being taken care of. I will try to think of him and his courage tomorrow morning when they come to get me!
The Team is also going to be there first thing in the morning, so I’ll have a chance to talk a bit more about the procedure before I go in.
Looking forward to making more memories with you soon, sweetie. *hug*
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Hi
Sorry we have not been in touch for a while but we have been busy and done a great deal of travelling. However, you are constantly in our thoughts and prayers and especially with the latest up dates.
With our love,
Paul and Alison
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