I came across that Grauniad article a few weeks ago, via LifeHacker on Twitter, and have been thinking about it ever since. Well, sort of thinking about it, in the sense that it might provoke a bit of stimulating conversation over here at casa az. I mean, it’s not ALL about cats and tapas, is it?
Or is it?
You see, I did find the article interesting as it is said to be based on findings of a palliative nurse called Bronnie Ware who recorded her findings on the most common regrets of the dying. And she even wrote a book about it.
Apparently the top five regrets of the dying are as follows:
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier.
And apparently by reading other people’s dying regrets we should be able to “learn from their wisdom” and save ourselves from the same fate. Well, this is where it all falls apart for me. What wisdom? And learn what exactly? I don’t like those “what if you were going to die today…?” questions because NOBODY other than people who are actually about to die today could ever properly answer them. And given that they would be going through the business of dying it’s unlikely they’d be interested in taking part in a questionnaire.
But then the Guardian article asks the following question…
What’s your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?
That seems a fair enough question. Up for it?
casa azahar 
It’s hard to think of something I did or didn’t do that evokes regret, exactly. The things I wish I could have done just weren’t options. I wish I had the money back that I spent in stupid ways because I thought people cared about me more than they did, but that seems kind of an undramatic regret. As for ambition, I’m a blank. I’ve learned that trying really really hard to accomplish some specific goal is a guarantee that you won’t, but you’ll burn yourself up trying.
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I do regret not keeping in touch with old friends more, but have found that of those I have made contact with through various on-line media, I am onlky still in regular contact with one or two so maybe either I’m really not good at it, or they aren’t. Or, I suppose, one or other of us really doesn’t want to be in touch, whether we admit it or not.
Ambitions – never have been an ambitious person, want to live and be thought of as a reasonably good person, want to earn enough that I can afford a comfortable requirement – if I could find a way of making that come sooner, and last longer so much the better.
I’m a pretty undramatic person.
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Have to say that I don’t have any of the “top five” regrets, except possibly the last one. But that ties in with my greatest regret, which is that I wish I’d liked myself better. So much time wasted beating myself up, putting myself down, etc that was quite crippling at times and actually created vicious circle periods of self-abusive behaviour. And so I guess that’s also my greatest ambition. To become somebody I can like and – maybe! – even feel a little proud of.
After that, everything else would be a piece of cake.
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I’d regret things I haven’t done, much more than those I have.
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Me too. What’s that line? Something about not regretting anything you did because at one time it was exactly what you wanted. But not having done stuff, especially if you could have…
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I was going to say I haven’t any regrets then I read your bit about wishing you had liked yourself more, and yes, me too. I wish I had realised that I was ok as I was, not fat, not weird looking, but actually pretty hot! It’s taken me 50 years to accept me and really like me, but I do wish it had been sooner. I hope you do feel proud of yourself now Shawn – you are fabulous woman and a true survivor, and not just of cancer.
All paths we didn’t choose along the way should not become regrets – just paths not taken. The paths we do take, and the choices we make are the ones that shape us, and I really quite like my shape and I think yours is pretty damn fine too Shawn! xx
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Heh, at first I wrote “viscous”… 🙂
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Those viscous circles . . .
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Hmm…regrets. There have been times when I’ve felt weighed down by regrets, but lately I have been accepting. I don’t exactly share the big 5, either, but like you, the 5th one is close. I’ve been frustrated at how slow I have been to finish my damn degree, but when I look back, I don’t regret the specific choices I’ve made (having kids and spending time with them, being a supportive friend and family member, travelling to distant places, spending time being creative) that led to the slowness. I do wish I could stop reflexively beating myself up over my perceived shortcomings so that I wouldn’t have to remind myself that I don’t regret my choices. But maybe I’ll get better with that.
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