Agree… this is in front of my friend Fabrizia’s restaurant.
You came into my life just by chance, and you stayed in my life because you chose to. You wanted to. And unlike with many people I’ve known, your friendship never waivered, not once, not even a little bit. I smile remembering how you’d tell me “yeah, that’s because they’re assholes”. That meant absolutely everything to me.
Annie, I’ve been sitting by your bedside, so to speak, for these past weeks and riding that rollercoaster with Kenton, during your good days, and the times when it looked like it was all over and then you’d rally yet again. As Kenton put it, you’re as stubborn as a mule and as tough as old boots, and always the strong one while the rest of us are in bits.
And we were in bits many times, and then the next day you’d be up drinking a smoothie at the hospice and chatting away. Oh Annie. It’s been awhile since we were able to talk, but Kenton told me he mentioned me to you the other day and you smiled and said “of course I remember Shawn”. But other times you were barely conscious. And so while this really breaks my heart, of course you couldn’t have gone on like that. I imagine how annoyed you’d be.
I’ve never lost someone I love before, Annie. It’s taken heartbreak to a whole other level. As I said to Kenton, I guess it’s lucky I hardly love anyone so this isn’t likely to happen many more times during what is left of my life.
My life will not be the same without you my beautiful, loving, smart, funny and fiercely loyal friend. But I know that I am a better person for having known you. And I will never stop loving and missing you. ❤
We love each other and try our best, everything else is meaningless
We hard arsed bitches have to stick together. Fuck everyone else. Love you, Shawn. X
On January 3rd 2009 I posted a photo of my battered old daybook turned to January 3rd 2010 with the words “STILL HERE!” written on it, as a weekly Photo Challenge I was doing at the time – the theme that week was Hope. Having just finished a second stint of chemo a few months previously this felt like a very bold – and hopeful – thing to do.
Since then I have continued the “tradition of hope” and have posted a similar photo on this date each year. So, as always, here’s hoping that I will still be here January 3rd 2021, and will see this page in my book… and then post my hopeful wish for 2022. 🙂
Who is old enough to remember when we all used nicknames online for (ha!) anonymity (that’s when I chose azahar) and seriously thought our opinions were of any importance? My first foray into the early days of internet chat forums was after purchasing a copy of the Salmon of Doubt by Douglas Adams. In the book it mentions a website started by Adams called H2G2 (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy), but by the time I discovered it the BBC had taken it over and had been running it since Douglas’s death in 2001. These days it’s being run by some of the orginal editors who have refused to let it die.
I met a lot of lovely people on h2g2, many of whom I’ve ended up meeting in person, and some who remain good friends today. Okay, I also met a lot of asshole windbags, several weirdos and a couple of scary people who made me happy they couldn’t find my real name (this was before I was on Facebook, and Twitter was yet to be born). It’s funny to think back now about how it seemed SO IMPORTANT to express an opinion, especially when you knew it was RIGHT, and then use all kinds of effort to try and convince some idiot that they were WRONG. All being done on fucking DIAL-UP… took forever sometimes. And then half-way through an amazing reply to someone the connection would die and you’d have to start over again. I mean, I think I enjoyed those days, though they were also quite stressful at times.
Then wordpress blogs came along, and then twitter, and I eventually drifted away from h2g2. And frankly, these days on social media, I just go there to have a good time, promote my businesses, show off my cats and – now and then – I meet new friends. So it’s funny to see when Twitter Storms erupt, and everybody gets their knickers in a twist. I am so been-there-done-that. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned these past almost 20 years of being online… there really is no point arguing with strangers.