10 Thursday Jul 2008
Posted in cancer, health & happiness, home, hospitals, progress
Or more like “Operation: Info”
Honestly, I’m always the last to know. I really thought yesterday’s appointment was to get the pre-op tests done for my upcoming liver surgery. Turns out it wasn’t that at all. Nor was I the only confused person…
03 Thursday Jul 2008
Posted in cancer, health & happiness, home, hospitals
… diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, sores in mouth and throat, abdominal pain, reaction in feet and hands (tingling, swelling, redness, pain), dehydration, fatigue, loss of appetite.
I reckon I’ve got about half of those. I also can’t eat, drink or touch anything cold and my mouth tastes of metal all the time. Everything about this treatment just feels so wrong.
So, as I mentioned here, for the past two days I’ve been feeling quite sick and have been mostly in bed, as sitting up for more than half an hour is way too exhausting. I’m not sleeping so much as dozing off and on. It’s a strange and lonely existence but I’m rereading the Sam Vimes books, which make me smile in spite of everything else. It just feels weird to be so ‘floppy’. The cats are quite enjoying having me around 24/7 though and flop next to me on the bed while I read and doze.
I hope Sara is right and I start feeling better by the end of the week . . .
30 Monday Jun 2008
Posted in cancer, friends, health & happiness, hospitals
Because Pipocas was occupied with family obligations today, nursemyra & daisy very generously offered to go with me to my first chemo session, scheduled for 12 pm today. The one my oncologist told me would last for about an hour or so. I was supposed to arrive 15 minutes early for the appointment but got there even earlier, at 11.30.
Well, ha! I finally got put into the comfy chair around 2pm and was told the procedure would take about two and a half hours (wtf???) … but what could I do? I mostly felt bad for the chicas spending most of one of their holiday days in the hospital with me. And the procedure itself was no picnic as my hand and arm hurt like hell almost the whole time, and still does now some six hours later.
What I am mostly worried about now is how I’m going to react to the chemo and also the pills I have to take for the next two weeks, as these are apparently the ones that cause all the problems with nausea and vomiting. To wit, nursemyra is staying over tonight, mostly so I don’t have to go to sleep feeling afraid and alone – isn’t that lovely? I don’t know what’s going to happen, so until I start having symptoms that I can find a way of coping with it’s like being back in limbo once again.
Anyhow, just back from a lovely evening of tapas & wine with the chicas (tastebuds are already going wonky). And I’ve just finished chatting to Nog on the phone – he’s settling into his new job but really wishes he could be here. And now it’s time for bed. I honestly have no idea what tomorrow will bring but it feels safe knowing there’s someone just down the hall if I need anything. Even just knowing someone is there will probably be enough.
Going to try and be not so wimpy & needy tomorrow.
Hasta mañana . . .
28 Saturday Jun 2008
Posted in cancer, friends, health & happiness, hospitals, life stuff
It was question and answer time at the hospital yesterday. And I have to say that I was very impressed by how honestly my oncologist Yolanda answered my very direct questions.
The day got off to a bit of a frantic start. Not only was Nog packing up to leave for his month-long job teaching English at a residential camp for kids in Alicante, but Pipocas found out she might have to leave the hospital earlier than planned and, if I was going to start chemo, this would mean that I’d be left on my own. And so on the way to meet Pipocas I stopped by the girls’ apartment – woke them up! – and asked daisyfae if she was still okay about coming to the hospital just in case, as she had previously offered. She was, and so off we went.
And three hours later my whole life changed.
It kinda went like this. I thought I had a choice about either operating now or later, but it turned out that the very specialist surgical team that does the liver op stuff is way booked up (also it’s summer holidays) and so my only option now is to start chemo for a cycle or two (3-6 weeks) and then have surgery. The chemo will start on Monday.
Further questioning led to me asking about my REAL medical condition and prognosis. And I mean, a LOT of extra questioning. Yolanda wasn’t giving anything away but what finally came out was this. . .
Pretty scary stuff. Yet somehow I feel more ‘at home’ knowing where I stand. This is much better than going through the chemo and liver surgery and THEN being told the odds. Which aren’t particularly in my favour, are they? I was surprised at how little difference having chemo made.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t feel like giving up and dying. But I also don’t think that I can “fight cancer” by doing anything more than following the prescribed treatment and continuing to enjoy my life. It’s a very serious illness. I’ll either get better or I won’t. Dammit.
26 Thursday Jun 2008
Posted in cancer, health & happiness, hospitals
Pilar from The Team (that’s her in the photo link) called me last night just after Nog, nursemyra and I had finished dinner and were taking a walk down by the river.
The PET scan found two malignant lesions in my liver. I’m going to need more surgery.
I guess I’ll find out what my options are when I see the oncologist tomorrow. Pilar says they will probably either operate now and do the chemo later, or do a month or two of chemo and then operate, with more chemo to follow. So I’ll need to find out the pros and cons for both of these options. Since Nog is leaving tomorrow to work in Alicante for a month it might be better to wait and have the surgery done when he gets back, so there is someone here to help out. On the other hand, starting the chemo now and postponing the operation seems like it will just prolong the whole treatment and I sure can’t afford to spend extra time off work. Decisions, decisions . . .
I’m so scared, guys.
casa azahar 