Pilar from The Team (that’s her in the photo link) called me last night just after Nog, nursemyra and I had finished dinner and were taking a walk down by the river.
The PET scan found two malignant lesions in my liver. I’m going to need more surgery.
I guess I’ll find out what my options are when I see the oncologist tomorrow. Pilar says they will probably either operate now and do the chemo later, or do a month or two of chemo and then operate, with more chemo to follow. So I’ll need to find out the pros and cons for both of these options. Since Nog is leaving tomorrow to work in Alicante for a month it might be better to wait and have the surgery done when he gets back, so there is someone here to help out. On the other hand, starting the chemo now and postponing the operation seems like it will just prolong the whole treatment and I sure can’t afford to spend extra time off work. Decisions, decisions . . .
I’m so scared, guys.
casa azahar 
Oh az!
I can understand the fear, cancer is such a malignant word in its own right. BUT it is only that way if we make it, or let it become, so.
At least with Pilar you are dealing with someone you know and trust. I’m sure she will be straight with you and give you the info you need.
It is also a problem that as we grow older we all have stories about people whose outcomes after diagnosis of one form or another of this disease vary to both extremes – neither of those are much use to help how you are feeling now.
I have nothing to say that can tangibly help you, but there are people out there in the world who know how you are feeling. And there are people who care very much that you get calm, stay strong and get better!
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Bleep. That got interpreted as a tag.
I meant:
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Talk about leaving a girl in suspense, SG V. 😉 (you do know you can’t use chevrons here like on h2g2, don’t you?)
“At least with Pilar you are dealing with someone you know and trust.”
Yeah, I’ve known Pilar for years, Johnny. She is also still my student. We talked for quite awhile on the phone last night and she knows that I always need to know the truth, no matter what.
Well, aside from not knowing yet which order the treatment will follow, at least I’m not in limbo anymore. But just the thought of another operation is so terrifying for me … I really don’t ‘do’ hospitals very well.
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Az,
I really hope you can overcome your fear of another operation and just get it done as soon as possible. I’m no doctor, but isn’t there a danger of further spreading the longer it stays?
Pulling for you from across the mountains and by the sea.
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Az, i’m so sorry to hear your troubles aren’t over. you have every right to feel afraid. but don’t forget to feel hopeful as well. The Team is all over this and there to help you deal with it, so let them. and through this, know you have lots of people pulling for you. yeah, me too. ***strengthening and healing hugs***
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shit. just shit. but you know the enemy, and have help determining the plan of attack. see you tonight… hugs in person this time…
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Lunch with Pipocas has helped calm me down considerably. She made me laugh and everything, so now I’m feeling a bit more normal.
Hard to believe I’ll be meeting you in about three hours, daisy!
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I would be terrified too, Az.
I’m thinking about you; it’s all I can think of to say, and it sounds totally inadequate, I know…
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Not what we were all hoping for – but at least you now know the nature of the beast you’re dealing with.
Good luck with tomorrow’s appointment with the oncologist.
With any sort of medical stuff I always ask them what they’d advise if I were their sister/mother/daughter – and the reasons for that advice.
:hugs: from me and J
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I think anyone in your circumstance would be frightened. I’m sending good thoughts your way.
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I am so sorry to hear you have not had great news. But, the PET scan only found two malignant tumors, and only in your liver, which is a wonderful organ that can actually regenerate itself. Thank goodness you did not also have pancreatic, bone, lung, and other organs involved.
What they all said before me. Especially the part about knowing what you are dealing with. Do not underestimate the power of positive thinking. When you think about your cancer, visualize it gone. When you visualize your liver, see it cancer free. Focus on the positive.
When your computer is down, you pack it up and take it to the computer techs and let them take it apart and work on it. Try seeing your body as that computer and it has a worm or virus and you are taking it to the techies that are going to fix it and make it better. I don’t do hospitals well either, but there is no sure way to get rid of your unwelcome tenants without going there. At least this time it will not be under emergency conditions. You may not spend as much time in the hospital this time as you did the last time.
Meanwhile, I am sending you hugs and positive energy through the cosmic internet link.
Keep laughing, it truly is the best medicine!
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I would be scared too. hugz & positive vibes from 70s
(p.s. on the decision making front … just do what is best for you and your recovery)
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az, really sorry to hear the bad news. I’m really hoping everything will be OK for you! Good luck for tomorrow!
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Damn and blast about the liver lesions, az. But I know you’re a fighter and this cancer will soon know it, too. Those beastly little cells won’t know what hit ’em when they get a dose of determined Az-Power!
Enjoy your week with the girls, laugh a lot and know that much positivity and love is coming at you from all sides of the planet (even the bottom of the planet, where I am!)
xx
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Oh, az, I just saw this. Crap. And a whole bunch of other expletives.
I’ll be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way. I wish I could be there in person to offer my support.
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I don’t comment often, as most have already said what I’m feeling/thinking. Metro and I are thinking positive thoughts over here in Canadaland.
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Oh, az, I’m so sorry! HMH is right, though — imagine those two little bastards down for the count, and can’t get up! I’m seeing them “gone”, myself!
You’ve got a world of friends on your side, and we’re all rooting for YOU! (hugs, industrial strength!)
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