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Category Archives: love

trio

20 Wednesday Mar 2013

Posted by azahar in animals & pets, cats, home, love

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

cats, home, love

trioI miss this… it was so perfect with three

silent sadness

04 Monday Mar 2013

Posted by azahar in cats, home, love

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

cats, home, love

el artista
I know I don’t mention Azar often but it’s because every day I still miss him so much, and it still hurts so much, that there are no words. He’s always there but not there, the love of my life.

kissitos

27 Wednesday Feb 2013

Posted by azahar in animals & pets, cats, home, love

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

cats, home

kissitosYeah, I know you’ve been seeing a lot of these guys lately, but this is just so cute…

february 14th

14 Thursday Feb 2013

Posted by azahar in hope, life stuff, love

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

life, love, valentines day

Autumn Floral HeartI like to think of myself as a bit of a romantic, but it kinda irks to have romance thrust upon me one day a year. It was even worse when I was the fat & ugly kid at school that my classmates shunned – that is, when they weren’t busy finding new and painful ways to humiliate me. Not getting any valentines from said classmates was just one of those ways. But fuck ’em, you know? It was really the teachers who were to blame, setting all us misfits up like that. But it still hurt.

I reckon it’s also how a lot of single and lonely people feel on February 14th – set up by the media and commercial hype of what Romance should look and feel like. None of this bothers me anymore because at this point in my life I’ve experienced enough amazingly romantic moments that I don’t feel like I’ve missed out. And since I am now a more-than-somewhat-chubby woman in my mid-50’s living between PET scans I doubt I am anyone’s idea of a catch. But I digress…

This morning I got a call from a hotel telling me that one of their guests was interested in a tapas tour. So I got in touch and, after sending info and doing a bit of organising, I met Tim and Ellen two hours later for a lunchtime tapas tour. And it turned out that they were on their honeymoon! And so there I was, suddenly spending Valentine’s Day with two young people on their honeymoon holiday… and it was great! Because I really am a romantic and it was lovely being with a couple who were clearly in love and happy together. Kinda filled me up.

Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day?

wabi sabi

08 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by azahar in animals & pets, art, birthdays, cats, friends, love

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

beauty, cats, love

wabi sabiWabi sabi is a Japanese aesthetic that, simply put, finds beauty in imperfection. It was the first thing I thought of when Sledpress sent me this necklace for my birthday, with a note saying “a small and imperfect but warmly offered totem of your angel so you can show how close he is to your heart”. At which point I burst into tears. Because if anyone was ever beautifully imperfect it was Azar, with his broken and bent front leg. It never really held him back, but it was the reason I ended up taking him in, worried that he wouldn’t be able to defend himself out there in the streets.

And so I love this little black cat pendant on its silver chain and will wear my little angel close to my heart from now on. I haven’t said much here about Azar since he died last September. Mostly because I still can’t articulate how I feel. This is the deepest and most heart-wrenching loss I have ever known and yet I can’t properly feel it. I don’t dare let myself go there. At least not yet.

I still visit his grave and find it comforting when I look out of my bedroom window and know he is “resting” below the trees I can see at the end of the street. I dream about him, which is very hard because in my dreams I can pick him up, feel him in my arms, and then wake up to the knowledge that I will never hold him again. I miss him with all my heart every single day. And somehow Sled knew that it would also be a comfort to have this little black and silver “Azar” next to my heart. Thank you, Kate.

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