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Tag Archives: love

annie

08 Wednesday Apr 2020

Posted by azahar in cancer, death & dying, friends

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

cancer, death, friends, life, love


You came into my life just by chance, and you stayed in my life because you chose to. You wanted to. And unlike with many people I’ve known, your friendship never waivered, not once, not even a little bit.  I smile remembering how you’d tell me “yeah, that’s because they’re assholes”. That meant absolutely everything to me.

Annie, I’ve been sitting by your bedside, so to speak, for these past weeks and riding that rollercoaster with Kenton, during your good days, and the times when it looked like it was all over and then you’d rally yet again. As Kenton put it, you’re as stubborn as a mule and as tough as old boots, and always the strong one while the rest of us are in bits.

And we were in bits many times, and then the next day you’d be up drinking a smoothie at the hospice and chatting away. Oh Annie. It’s been awhile since we were able to talk, but Kenton told me he mentioned me to you the other day and you smiled and said “of course I remember Shawn”. But other times you were barely conscious. And so while this really breaks my heart, of course you couldn’t have gone on like that. I imagine how annoyed you’d be.

I’ve never lost someone I love before, Annie. It’s taken heartbreak to a whole other level. As I said to Kenton, I guess it’s lucky I hardly love anyone so this isn’t likely to happen many more times during what is left of my life.

Silver linings.

My life will not be the same without you my beautiful, loving, smart, funny and fiercely loyal friend. But I know that I am a better person for having known you. And I will never stop loving and missing you. ❤

We love each other and try our best, everything else is meaningless

We hard arsed bitches have to stick together. Fuck everyone else. Love you, Shawn. X

~ Annie

 

love is all around

11 Monday Mar 2019

Posted by azahar in hope, love, sevilla

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Tags

love, sevilla, street scenes

People write songs and poetry about young love, and to be sure it’s a lovely thing. But lasting love is the one that always gets to me and lifts my heart, like today when l spotted this elderly couple out shopping and still holding hands after all their years together. ❤

words to live by…

16 Wednesday May 2018

Posted by azahar in cooking

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Tags

cooking, homecooking, love, sevilla


Words to live by…

love you, london

05 Monday Jun 2017

Posted by azahar in london, love

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Tags

friends, london, love

After hearing such heart-breaking news over the weekend I was reminded of this day last August. I had spent a lovely afternoon at Borough Market with my lovely friend John @CityJohn. I’d been having a hard time with panic attacks during that visit and that day I had to take an Uber to the market (I’ve always found crossing bridges on foot difficult). But on the way back I promised John I would bravely walk over London Bridge all by myself and send him a photo to prove it. Which I did.

On my last visit to London in April my friend (and flatmate) Peter @SVQconcierge came with me and one day we walked over Westminster bridge together. Not sure I could’ve managed it otherwise. The long line of wreaths along the west side of the bridge were poignant beyond words.

I also took Peter to Arabica, a wonderful restaurant just outside Borough Market. When I’d last been there, having lunch on my own at the bar, I ended up chatting with the most cheerful barman ever, a charming guy called Emanuele. So imagine my surprise when I walked in 9 months later with Peter and he recognized me! He remembered me taking his photo and posting it on my Instagram (Arabica later re-posted it on theirs). And it was Emanuele’s face that came to mind when I read about the amazing staff at Arabica locking its doors and keeping everyone safe inside.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this. Just a bunch of feelings and memories all getting mixed up. So I just want to say that I love you London, and I hope to see you again before too long, and walk over ALL your bridges. xx

lee buckley

22 Saturday Apr 2017

Posted by azahar in cancer, friends, hope, life stuff, love

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

cancer, death, friends, hope, life, love

For ages this was the only image I ever had of Lee, from her Facebook page… and I came to think of her as this sassy Raggedy Ann chica. Then at long last I had the chance to meet her in person when I was in Madrid last January. She was still quite weak from cancer treatment, but was up for going out to have lunch, and we spent a lovely afternoon together.

Lee said she thought of me as her “cancer sister” because reading about my various struggles with cancer on my blog helped her when she was diagnosed. We could compare notes, as it were, and although our situations were very different, Lee felt like I would at least “get” what she was talking about. And yes, I think I did. I also got to enjoy chat sessions with a bright and funny woman, who loved cats as much as I do. I was also thrilled to meet her beautiful boy Tony during that last visit.

Anyhow, this morning I was out at that gastronomy event by the river and was randomly going through messages while enjoying a beer in the sun. Then I saw a message request on FB from someone I didn’t know. I clicked on it, and it was Lee’s dear friend Chris, telling me as delicately as possible that Lee had passed away a few days ago. And since then I haven’t known what to feel. Because the feelings are all so mixed up, the happy and sad ones, the scary and hopeful ones. And the worst one of all, the one I can’t yet accept – that I won’t ever be able to talk to Lee again. So for now, that’s all I can say. Except… be sure to hug someone you love today, and let them know how much they mean to you, how much you love them.  xx

Lee and I enjoying a fabulous lunch at Tandem in Madrid

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