This morning it was going to be another early morning bike ride to the hospital – this time for pre-op blood tests and two xrays – but I woke up feeling quite queasy and tired so had to go by taxi instead (though I did cycle back). My appointment with the anaesthetist is for September 2nd, the same morning I see the oncologist again (will definitely have my travel scrabble game with me for that one!). And it is supposed that sometime between now and then I will be told the date of the liver surgery.

As for progress …

This third time round with the chemo I realised that I need to develop a lot more patience for the first ‘icky-sicky’ week, as well as not push myself too much once I start feeling a bit better during the second week. Also, I should sleep more. It seems that each cycle gets a bit harder so I need to really pay attention to how my body is feeling.

I’ve also been able to let go of some of my fears. This has a lot to do with a phone conversation I had with raincoaster the day after the last chemo session. Although I wasn’t actually able to string two coherent sentences together myself, I was able to listen, and it helped me a lot to hear about the no-nonsense way that Rain dealt with her cancer treatment. So thanks for that, honey.

Because I just couldn’t get that 50/50 prognosis thing out of my head. You know, I’d be walking around here looking at my beautiful Sevilla, or at home playing with my gorgeous cats, and in the back of my mind I’d be wondering if this was going to be my last summer, if I’d still be around this time next year, or even if I’d get through the surgery okay. It wasn’t being negative or pessimistic; at the time it seemed like I was just being realistic. But the truth is that nobody knows how this is going to turn out, so it doesn’t actually make sense to think one outcome might be more likely than another. Especially with 50/50 odds. Which is really what taking things one day at a time means – not just doing the carpe diem thang but really staying in the present. And it’s taken me, oh, these past three months, to start getting the hang of it. I’m still dreading the liver op, but trying not to dwell on that too much. Much better to look forward to my upcoming visit from Sara & Steve. 🙂

Other news – I’ve lost another two kilos! And I’m certainly not trying to lose weight. I mostly eat whatever I want whenever I want, and there’s a lot of comfort food action going on, which is never low-cal. Plus I’m hardly doing anything. I really thought I’d put on weight until I got on the scales the other day. So that’s a good thing … I hope.

And that’s about it. I’ve got my ‘good week’ coming up after this weekend and can’t wait to drink granizados de limón and frozen cosmos again.