I never used to think I was an introvert. I mean, I know I was painfully shy as a child but put that down to the trauma of childhood abuse, etc. Later as a teen and young adult I still felt out of place in groups of people but also really liked being around people. In other words, I liked being social, I just didn’t know how to do it very well. Fast forward to present day and if you met me tomorrow you wouldn’t see any shyness or any sign of me being an introverted person. Unless you know.
And that’s the deal. I think this whole introvert-extrovert thing is one of the most misunderstood “labels” that we like to label people with. You know, just to know who you are dealing with and where you stand as a result of that “knowledge”. And we all do this, even if you think you don’t, at least when we first meet someone.
Thanks to our society – survival of the fittest and all that – extroverts have always been seen as the more successful types, with introverts seen as hiding away, not able to cope, etc. But in fact this is far from reality and there are (at least) four types of introverts according to MBmindfulness…
A Complete Guide To Introverts: The 4 Most Common Types And Signs
Me? I am the social introvert (as a child, totally the anxious introvert). Or who knows, maybe I’m a mix of both at this point, since these are just labels, or guidelines, for understanding yourself and others. My point is that trying to make people fit into a perceived notion of yours does both you and the other person a disservice. I am constantly seen as being this “strong capable woman” and that initially draws people to me (and, let’s face it, I’m also smart, intelligent and fun to be with – SO I AM TOLD). But often times it turns out that the people who only choose to see Smart & Fun Shawn get annoyed, upset, or even really angry when it turns out I’m actually a bit more complex than that.
And it always plays out like this. Once they realise they’ve “made a mistake” with befriending me they look for any comment or action to take the wrong way or out of context to justify them getting the hell out of Dodge, without a word, without an explanation, without any acknowledgement at all for the fact that, hey, the other day I was your friend, remember? I can’t help being an introvert, but I am the same person you met that very first time and I do the best with what I have going for me, but I am not here for your entertainment. I’m actually a person.
casa azahar 
Well said….friends should be friends in good times and not so good times, and definitely through bad times. We can’t choose our relatives but that means many folks’ best family are friends!
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I think in these cases the people involved weren’t actually friends but it still hurts to be treated as if I have no feelings. Luckily my small family of friends remain loyal.
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That was an interesting read. Like you, I would class myself as a social introvert. I don’t actively seek out society, I’m really happy in my own company, but I enjoy the odd small social event with close friends & family. I get quite uncomfortable in loud busy settings, so for instance in a restaurant I will always try to sit with my back against the wall so I’m a bit separate from the rest of the room.
I’m quite restrained when it comes to making friends so I don’t have many. I have a couple of very close friends and that’s it really, otherwise I socialise with my family (we’re also close).
Although in the moment it’s probably hard, these good-time “friends” who find any excuse to leave when they realise you don’t always have your smart & fun switch on are ultimately the losers, choosing shallow over meaningful.
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Aw, thanks Deb. It’s more like they decided I was one thing and then suddenly later on decided that I was something else. Neither of which were actually me, just their perception.
Like you, and I think like most of us, I have a few good friends who I feel I can trust, and then a bunch of acquaintances, who I actually quite enjoy spending time with. It’s when the lines get blurred that I end up getting hurt because I forget to keep my guard up.
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