Wabi sabi is a Japanese aesthetic that, simply put, finds beauty in imperfection. It was the first thing I thought of when Sledpress sent me this necklace for my birthday, with a note saying “a small and imperfect but warmly offered totem of your angel so you can show how close he is to your heart”. At which point I burst into tears. Because if anyone was ever beautifully imperfect it was Azar, with his broken and bent front leg. It never really held him back, but it was the reason I ended up taking him in, worried that he wouldn’t be able to defend himself out there in the streets.

And so I love this little black cat pendant on its silver chain and will wear my little angel close to my heart from now on. I haven’t said much here about Azar since he died last September. Mostly because I still can’t articulate how I feel. This is the deepest and most heart-wrenching loss I have ever known and yet I can’t properly feel it. I don’t dare let myself go there. At least not yet.

I still visit his grave and find it comforting when I look out of my bedroom window and know he is “resting” below the trees I can see at the end of the street. I dream about him, which is very hard because in my dreams I can pick him up, feel him in my arms, and then wake up to the knowledge that I will never hold him again. I miss him with all my heart every single day. And somehow Sled knew that it would also be a comfort to have this little black and silver “Azar” next to my heart. Thank you, Kate.