Category Archives: cancer

prognosis & treatment (2)

10 Friday Oct 2008

Posted by in cancer, friends, health & happiness, hospitals, life stuff

≈ 57 Comments

So this was it – the second prognosis after the aborted liver resection in September. Nog and I left the house early yesterday because we wanted to walk to the hospital through the park  –  the plan was to meet up with Pablo about 15 minutes before my appointment with the oncologist. And that’s basically what happened. Of course the appointment happened about two hours after the appointed time . . .

We finally got in to see the doctor, and there is no way to sugar-coat this, so here we go…

  • my tumours are inoperable
  • chemo might help slow down the inevitable
  • without treatment I maybe have a year

It didn’t happen quite that succinctly. I had previously briefed Pablo on the situation and about all the questions I wanted answered, so he could back me up. In the end I did most of the talking but it was still good having him there. Nog came too because he didn’t want to be left at home waiting to hear the news,  and in the end all three of us squeezed into the consulting room. Here is a pic I took of my two boys in the waiting room, standing in front of a decolourated Matisse print . . .

It was hard. I had to keep poking and prodding … trying to get something REAL out of the doctor. Because she didn’t want to tell me what she ended up telling me. Later she told Pablo she’d never had a patient so … well, so like me.

Afterwards we walked out of the hospital together and, since I hadn’t cried in the doctor’s office (I was soooo close…), I was determined not to cry while we went to find somewhere to have lunch. And when I ventured a self-pitying comment about being dead soon, Pablo quickly nipped that in the bud by saying that I didn’t have to worry because he and Peter weren’t that lucky. Ha! That snapped me out of it long enough to enjoy a wonderful lunch … photos to be supplied later.

But really … this totally sucks.

And I really, really don’t want to die.

Not like this, not so soon …

prognosis & treatment (3)
prognosis & treatment (1)

zipper woman

05 Sunday Oct 2008

Posted by in cancer, health & happiness

≈ 12 Comments

I finally got the staples taken out on Friday. When I had gone to the health centre on Wednesday it was still too soon and Dr A commented that it looked like I had zippers … and well, the nurse thought this was the funniest thing. She even got me to teach her how to say cremallera in English, and she passed this on to her nurse co-worker on Friday. Ha ha – zipper woman! Nog said that, all things considered, having a zipper put in would actually be a good idea. He has a point.

Anyhow, a part of the wound hadn’t healed quite right so it got taped up and I was told I had to keep it bandaged and dry for another 48 hours and then could resume normal life again … which means I’ve just had my first proper shower in two weeks! Oh, those simple things in life that are so wonderful. Next will be when I can get on a bicycle again … quite looking forward to that.  And possibly starting my yoga classes again (depending on how the new chemo affects me). But for now it’s daily walks, which are also wonderful.

Hope you’re enjoying today as much as I am.  🙂

progress report (4)

01 Wednesday Oct 2008

Posted by in cancer, friends, health & happiness, hospitals, progress

≈ 19 Comments

It’s been about nine days since my  ‘almost operation’ – is it still considered an operation if they didn’t  actually hack into my liver and remove the tumours?. In any case, I’m sure this is why I went home after just two days, as I’m mostly ‘just’ recovering from having a 15″ j-shaped gash cut into me rather than that and my liver being resected.  And I seem to be recovering from it quite well.  Meanwhile . . .

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noggin

29 Monday Sep 2008

Posted by in cancer, friends, health & happiness, home, love

≈ 9 Comments

That’s a little joke present that nursemyra brought me from Australia when she came to visit last June. It’s a ‘summoning bell’ for me to ring whenever I need Nog to do something for me (it also looks like it can be used to open beer bottles), though nursemyra pointed out at the time that it was a little late for me to use as I had already recovered from the colon operation.  Little did we know then that there would be more to come . . .

Anyhow, I just wanted to say how much I appreciate Nog because, all joking aside, he truly has been there for me throughout all of this and it’s a real comfort to know that he’s also going to help me through the next however-long-it-takes to get better.  I know that sometimes Nog has been almost as scared as me, but he doesn’t let it show and he’s always there to help with anything he can,  never hesitating to put me first.  But I also know that people caring for a sick person can sometimes forget to take care of  themselves, so I’ve tried to make sure that this doesn’t happen.

Since May I think we’ve both managed to work it out so that there is a healthy balance of  mutual love and respect and support happening – so that both of us can get what we need – though it took awhile to find that balance. I also think we are both going to come through this experience much wiser and somehow better people. Cancer wasn’t what either of us expected or wanted to happen, but it turns out that the silver lining is a deepening of our trust and friendship, as well as quite a lot of ‘growing up’ that was long overdue.

Oh, and we did try out the bell one day to see if Nog could hear it in the livingroom if I rang it in the bedroom. The cats damn near jumped out of their fur, so we didn’t try it again. It looks pretty on the bookshelf though.

Thanks Nog, for everything. I don’t know what I’d do without you.
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