13 Saturday Sep 2008
Posted in cancer, health & happiness
Yeah I know, it ain’t exactly nursemyra, but I thought some of you might like to see The Scar and I didn’t want too much of my belly showing, so it had to be a ‘lingerie shot’ with my trusty dressing gown. My left hand is covering up a couple inches of the scar at the bottom, but you get the general idea. It’s BIG. And the next one will be about the same size except horizontal and J-shaped, below my right ribs.
Oh, and check out them fingernails! 😉
12 Friday Sep 2008
Posted in cancer, friends, health & happiness, life stuff
Over the past couple of months there has been a tendency for people to either avoid talking to me about their problems, or else they stop themselves in mid-whinge and apologise because my problems are clearly so much more serious than theirs.
I honestly don’t see it that way. And when people handle me with kid gloves it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me. Well, I mean, other than the obvious (the cancer, not personal weirdness 
). It creates a barrier somehow. As if, just because I have a serious health problem, I have lost my ability to sympathise and, more importantly, empathise with others. Which is not the case at all.
It’s lonely enough at times, being here and dealing with the chemo and my fears and all that. So I just want to say that it feels good when people treat me like I’m still a ‘whole person’ because it makes me feel like I still belong and that I haven’t been separated and confined to some isolated place surrounded by eggshells.
I know this is done out of thoughtfulness and caring, but if you really do care about me then you’ll let me still care about you too … okay? If I’m ever feeling overwhelmed and unable to listen properly then I’ll let you know. Deal? 
11 Thursday Sep 2008
Posted in cancer, health & happiness, hospitals
. . . on Monday 22 September
A couple of nights ago I got a call from Isabel (one of The Team) asking me if I had a date for the liver resection, and I told her nobody had called me yet. She said she thought that was strange because when they had spoken to the head of surgery on my behalf the week before they were told the surgery was going to be ‘very soon’ and Isabel thought this meant it would be this coming Monday, the 15th.
All of a sudden I panicked because, although I have really enjoyed and appreciated these past chemo-free ten days, it just seemed too soon to go back into hospital. I didn’t feel ready for it. So I told Isabel that I really hoped it would be scheduled for the 22nd and she said she’d call them again and get back to me. Which she did yesterday morning and I was very relieved when she told me the date (and I wondered if she had anything to do with it). In any case, I reckon the infected wrist would have kept me from having surgery this Monday, but I am pleased to have another ten days of ‘holidays’.
Unlike last time I can prepare for this operation, both emotionally and practically. The practical stuff is obviously easier; for example I’m going to get my hair cut quite short next week so it’s less hassle, plus I’m making a list of all the things I know I’ll want and need while I’m there (about 2 weeks, I’ve been told). The emotional stuff is going to require more work, though Nog has said he’ll stay with me the first night (I’ll be ‘checking in’ the evening before the op) which will help a lot. I can imagine us still up and playing scrabble at 3 in the morning …
Any other ideas for ’emotional prep’?
06 Saturday Sep 2008
Posted in cancer, food & drink, friends, holidays, life stuff
A quick postcard to say how much I’m enjoying my chemo-free pre-op ‘holiday’. Talk about carping the diem. I can’t afford to go anywhere or even do much, but I’ve been sooooo enjoying feeling relatively healthy, taking walks, being with friends, drinking icy cold beverages … heigh-ho, just another day in paradise! 🙂
02 Tuesday Sep 2008
Posted in cancer, health & happiness, hospitals
I just want to know WHEN!!! Is that too much to ask?
So, part two of ‘Carry On Cancer’, as Sara likes to call it. Back in July I was told that my liver operation would be in September, because of there being not many surgeons around during summer holidays in August. In fact, I was told that the op would probably be in the first half of September and that I would be notified by telephone. And well, here it is the 2nd of September and I still have no idea when they are going to slice and dice my poor liver . . .
casa azahar 