Category Archives: health & happiness

another hernia?

25 Thursday Oct 2012

Posted by in cancer, health & happiness

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Or the same one I had before? Or is it maybe a new one that’s popped up (and popped out) since my last emergency op just over a year ago? What I do know is that there’s a lot of discomfort – I wouldn’t exactly call it pain – in the area to the right of my belly button. I’m not sure if this is something that started a few months ago, or if it’s always been there. Well, “always” since the first ops. I think I’ve become so used to a certain level of pain or discomfort along the scar lines criss-crossing my abdomen that unless it becomes PAIN I don’t do anything about it. Except that yesterday I happened to glance in the mirror before getting into the shower (something I usually try to avoid) and saw that my belly button was doing a serious “outy”. I gingerly pressed on the bulge and it felt all squidgy, as if there was liquid inside, which immediately made me think of the liquid build-up around Azar’s tumour that eventually burst, so I was suddenly very nervous.

Luckily I had an English class with my student/friend/neighbour/GP Agustín last night. Our classes don’t usually start with me hiking up my shirt, but I have to admit it was a relief not to have to rush to the hospital. Agustín thinks it’s a hernia, and said the only real solution would be surgery. Last time (three years ago) they just sliced open the area and drained the surrounding liquid, which is why I’m wondering if this is the same hernia. In any case, Agustín is going to refer me to a surgeon to get an opinion on what I should do. Since this has been going on for ages, and the last PET scan was clear, this doesn’t seem to be cancer-related. But it would sure be a bugger to have to have yet another operation. Stay tuned…

strong thoughts

10 Monday Sep 2012

Posted by in cancer, friends, health & happiness, hope, hospitals

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That’s what Pat would say to me… she’d say “strong thoughts”. And I would feel comforted. One of Pat’s avatars – the black-eyed susan.

The black-eyed susans in my avatar represent two things: every-day beauty in spite of adversity, and sheer persistence. At home I have a 4×12 foot border of black-eyed susans around my front patio. Those flowers are the offshoots of a single 4-inch pot I found wilting on the reduced-for-clearance rack at the garden center in 1998. Now even the daylilies have to argue with them for water, sun and space. The black-eyed susans never lose and never quit; they are a simple, beautiful symbol of what my life with cancer survivorship has become: life out loud, no matter what the circumstances or adversities.

This morning I’m going for my umpteenth PET scan (I can’t be bothered counting them right now). But basically I’ve been having them every six months since May 2008. Since September 2009 I have been NED (no evidence of disease). But everytime I go for a PET scan I am terrified. I mean, this time last year Pat never thought it was going to be her last September. With stage IV cancer you just never know what’s going to happen next.

So in a few hours I’m going to find out whether I get yet another “stay of execution” or if I have to start thinking about chemo and other awful possibilities. Been having quite a lot of abdominal pain of late, so of course I’m scared this means the cancer has come back. Scared out of my wits, actually.

Wish me luck!

keeping azar company

06 Thursday Sep 2012

Posted by in animals & pets, cancer, cats, health & happiness, home, hope

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As much as possible I try not to leave Azar on his own, but sometimes both Peter and I have to be out and so I put him in my room to keep the other two from pestering him. He seems to like being under things a lot, like my bed or the tv table, and so when I see him looking restless I help him down from the sofa or bed so he can go where he wants. This morning I found Loki keeping Azar company under the table and it really made me smile.

In other news… just got a call from the hospital and my PET scan will be next Monday at 11.15 (!!!). Wow, that was fast. Scanxiety is already setting in…

lumpy

01 Saturday Sep 2012

Posted by in animals & pets, cats, death & dying, health & happiness

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[click to enlarge]

What’s so weird is that on Thursday afternoon (the day before the tumour burst!) I’d sent these two photos by email to Sledpress to show her just how damn BIG the thing had become, and express my worry about it. Then yesterday – blam! You can read the gory details here.

Since then Azar has been looking much perkier. The best thing being that he has regained the use of his one good front leg and can comfortably sit up again and even walk around much easier. I’m not exaggerating when I say the lump was the size of a baseball – poor Azar couldn’t even straighten out his leg anymore and was in a permanent crouched position. The reason he was sometimes peeing on the sofa was that, once there, he didn’t want to have to jump down to get to the box because it hurt too much. I had started carrying him to the box at regular intervals but couldn’t always be there, but when he was left overnight this week he had no problem as he stayed on a blanket under my bed with the litter box nearby.

The wound still looks messy, but Azar is a good healer. And he so intensely loves being alive. I am starting to wonder if his tumour is even malignant, because something that big should have killed him by now if it was. Could it just be a nasty cyst? Anyhow, he has been snatched back from the brink and is now happily snoozing away. I’ll be taking him to the vet’s this morning because I think the wound needs to be properly dressed and he may need to take antibiotics to stave off infection.

One thing is for sure. If this had happened while I was away in Córdoba, or even just away for the afternoon, he probably would have died. He was in such a panic and hyperventilating that without me there to clean him up and calm him down I don’t think he’d still be here. So lucky! But hey, that’s his name. Azar.

breakfast in bed

14 Tuesday Aug 2012

Posted by in animals & pets, cancer, cats, health & happiness, home

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Here’s Azar being served a nice drink of water from his favourite glass after having had breakfast in bed this morning. He’s actually perked up the past few days. I was missing him so much that I began a harrowing afternoon routine of getting him out from under my bed, which always provokes shrieks of terror and total panic on his part (why???). But as soon as I manage to scoop him up in my arms he goes all calm and then I give him a gentle snibble on the sofa, and after that he happily settles down there for the rest of the day. If I don’t do that he’ll just stay under the bed. Go figure.

Anyhow, that’s the new routine. He still sleeps with me, and enjoys his breakfast in bed, but as soon as I get up he hides under the bed and stays there until I fish him out at lunchtime (no point in going through all that before I can spend some time with him on the sofa). His appetite has also picked up and so he definitely is still enjoying a decent quality of life.

I’ve postponed my trip to Málaga as I was planning to be there for about three nights and, even with Peter at home with Azar, it just felt like too long to be away right now. But both Peter and I have been invited to stay one night at a hotel in Córdoba and I really don’t know what to do. When I know I’ll be out for the whole day I set Azar up in my room with plenty of food and water and his own litter box, because he doesn’t seem to want to be around the other cats these days, and he seems quite fine with that. But to leave him overnight? It’s a dilemma because this would be such a good opportunity for Peter to do more research for his Córdoba day trips and for me to get some more material for my travel writing “portfolio”, and I don’t think I can ask the hotel to postpone the free room offer indefinitely. I don’t mind putting off personal trips, but this is actually a business trip. What should I do?