Category Archives: health & happiness

no tengo cancer

07 Monday May 2012

Posted by in cancer, change, death & dying, diet & nutrition, friends, health & happiness, hospitals

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Four years ago today I wrote this blog post about doubling over in pain and ending up at the hospital, only to be told I had gas and be sent home again. Well, most of you know the story by now. After two more emergency hospital visits they finally admitted me for testing and then raced me over to the general hospital for a life-saving operation that involved removing an obstruction and about half my colon.

And that wasn’t the end of the story as I ended up having two more operations and being on chemo twice, finishing at the end of July 2009. Since then I have been miraculously cancer-free according to the PET scans I’ve been having twice a year. The next one is due in September. And for the most part I feel good, though I still get abdominal discomfort from time to time. Oh, and there was also that freak emergency op last summer, which thankfully didn’t end up being cancer-related.

And so I wonder why I am still okay while my friends Pat and Jed are not. And I wonder how long I’ll be okay. Four years ago I’d gone to the Feria in Jerez the weekend before all this started and saw this graffiti on a wall near the train station that said “I have cancer”. I don’t know what moved me to take a photo of it, but here it is again, slightly – but importantly – modified. I hope I never have to remove the “no”.

what gets you out of bed in the morning?

24 Tuesday Apr 2012

Posted by in cats, health & happiness, life stuff

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Actually, Azar’s usual post-breakfast cuddle is something that tends to keep me IN bed awhile longer – can you blame me? But while reading twitter in bed this morning (just after taking this photo) someone asked this question and it got me thinking. A very long time ago when I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life I only knew that I wanted my work to be exactly what I’d want to do when I got out of bed in the morning. And finally it is! So that’s something of an accomplishment, and it only took about thirty years and then happened almost by accident.

So other than wanting to get to work… the smell of freshly brewed coffee, the sun shining through my white gauzy curtains, the sound of the street “waking up” and blackbirds singing – and more often than not the complaining of three hungry cats – are all things that get me up.

So how about you? What gets you out of bed in the morning? And don’t say “to pee”.

a sad day

21 Saturday Apr 2012

Posted by in cancer, cats, death & dying, health & happiness, love

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Yesterday was a very sad day. I’m still taking it in a bit at a time because I can’t actually “go there” yet…

Remember I mentioned on Azar’s birthday post that I’d found a couple of small lumps on his shoulder? Well, on Thursday he scratched off a big scab along with a clump of fur and I realised that there was actually a wound there and that it was infected (bad smell!). And so yesterday I took Azar to see Yolanda. At first she said that it might be a scratch or bite from one of the other cats that got infected, but upon closer inspection she confirmed my worst fear. That it was mostly likely a tumour, and cancerous. I asked her if it might be a vaccine associated sarcoma and she said she couldn’t be sure. But I remember clear as day that she gave Azar his one and only vaccination injection just above his shoulder, the one we gave him to prevent him from catching anything potentially fatal from Loki just over two years ago.

In any case, there is nothing to be done. Yolanda said flat out that at Azar’s age and with his kidney problems, he would not likely survive an operation to remove the tumour, which she said was quite an invasive procedure and required a general anaesthetic. She said the important thing was to ensure his quality of life as long as possible until it was time to “let go of a full and happy life”.  And I stood there calm as can be asking what symptoms I should look out for. But I can’t write them here now because it will make me cry, like I did most of yesterday afternoon.

And I am trying hard not to go through the hellish “what ifs” that are racing through my brain. What if I hadn’t opted for that vaccination, what if Yolanda has given it in a different place (as is recommended these days), what if I’d taken Azar in sooner when I first noticed the lump…

Anyhow, here is a photo of my darling boy (taken five minutes ago) curled up next to me on his favourite stool with the balcony doors open, enjoying a lovely warm spring breeze and lots of cuddles and carresses from his Human. Quality of life still okey-dokey so far.

comfort food

01 Sunday Apr 2012

Posted by in cooking, culture, diet & nutrition, food & drink, health & happiness, home

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Today I made this very comfort-foodie dish based on having tried it a few times elsewhere. It has some of the usual comfort food ingredients (potatoes, eggs) as well as some chorizo and spicy pimentón thrown in for good measure. And most enjoyable it was too!

Here is the recipe: huevos rotos

But as comforting (and delicious) this late Sunday lunch was, when it comes to comfort food I’d probably say my favourites would include cheese. Like, mac & cheese or grilled cheese sandwiches.

What’s your favourite comfort food?

regrets? well, maybe a few…

21 Wednesday Mar 2012

Posted by in death & dying, health & happiness, life stuff

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If You Were Going to Die Today, What Would You Regret Most (and How Would You Change for the Better)?

I came across that Grauniad article a few weeks ago, via LifeHacker on Twitter, and have been thinking about it ever since. Well, sort of thinking about it, in the sense that it might provoke a bit of stimulating conversation over here at casa az. I mean, it’s not ALL about cats and tapas, is it?

Or is it?

You see, I did find the article interesting as it is said to be based on findings of a palliative nurse called Bronnie Ware who recorded her findings on the most common regrets of the dying. And she even wrote a book about it.

Apparently the top five regrets of the dying are as follows:

  • I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  • I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
  • I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
  • I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  • I wish that I had let myself be happier.

And apparently by reading other people’s dying regrets we should be able to “learn from their wisdom” and save ourselves from the same fate. Well, this is where it all falls apart for me. What wisdom? And learn what exactly? I don’t like those “what if you were going to die today…?” questions because NOBODY other than people who are actually about to die today could ever properly answer them. And given that they would be going through the business of dying it’s unlikely they’d be interested in taking part in a questionnaire.

But then the Guardian article asks the following question…

What’s your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?

That seems a fair enough question. Up for it?