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Yesterday was a very sad day. I’m still taking it in a bit at a time because I can’t actually “go there” yet…

Remember I mentioned on Azar’s birthday post that I’d found a couple of small lumps on his shoulder? Well, on Thursday he scratched off a big scab along with a clump of fur and I realised that there was actually a wound there and that it was infected (bad smell!). And so yesterday I took Azar to see Yolanda. At first she said that it might be a scratch or bite from one of the other cats that got infected, but upon closer inspection she confirmed my worst fear. That it was mostly likely a tumour, and cancerous. I asked her if it might be a vaccine associated sarcoma and she said she couldn’t be sure. But I remember clear as day that she gave Azar his one and only vaccination injection just above his shoulder, the one we gave him to prevent him from catching anything potentially fatal from Loki just over two years ago.

In any case, there is nothing to be done. Yolanda said flat out that at Azar’s age and with his kidney problems, he would not likely survive an operation to remove the tumour, which she said was quite an invasive procedure and required a general anaesthetic. She said the important thing was to ensure his quality of life as long as possible until it was time to “let go of a full and happy life”.  And I stood there calm as can be asking what symptoms I should look out for. But I can’t write them here now because it will make me cry, like I did most of yesterday afternoon.

And I am trying hard not to go through the hellish “what ifs” that are racing through my brain. What if I hadn’t opted for that vaccination, what if Yolanda has given it in a different place (as is recommended these days), what if I’d taken Azar in sooner when I first noticed the lump…

Anyhow, here is a photo of my darling boy (taken five minutes ago) curled up next to me on his favourite stool with the balcony doors open, enjoying a lovely warm spring breeze and lots of cuddles and carresses from his Human. Quality of life still okey-dokey so far.