Here is the best cat in the world enjoying a sunbeam this morning. To be honest, I thought Azar wasn’t going to still be alive when I woke up today (not that I slept much!). In fact, the past two nights I’ve barely slept because he’s been tossing and turning and sometimes crying out, totally breaking my heart. I would have taken him to the vet’s yesterday but I had my own hospital day, plus a tapas tour in the evening. So today I brought him in to see Eva just to get another opinion on whether it was time to let Azar go, though when I saw him looking so content in that sunbeam I hoped there was still more I could do.
Well, the sad thing is that Eva does think that Azar is probably on his way out. Since the trauma of his exploding tumour, about ten days ago, he’s stopped eating on his own and has to be fed using a syringe. And then on Sunday he stopped drinking on his own, which was the thing he always used to do no matter what. Eva said cats with kidney problems go through a lot of low periods, but then rally again. The thing that’s hard to know now is whether this is a low time because of the whole tumour thing, which has left his only good front leg too weak to walk on, not to mention the pain involved, or whether he’s just had enough.
The good thing about taking him in this morning is that I now have a time-frame and treatment regimen to work with. I still need to keep changing the bandages 2-3 times a day – the wound is almost completely healed, which Eva still can’t believe – and I was told to keep feeding him the same amount of food I’ve been giving him (was very glad to hear I’d been giving him the right amount!). Now I also have to start giving him 20 mls of water a day, in 5 ml doses. If I do all that and by Friday there is no improvement then it will be time to say goodbye.
I did wonder if it was time to say goodbye this morning, until I saw him in the sunbeam and thought “not just yet”.
casa azahar 
A big hug for both of you. Azar is such a sweetie, and it seems that he has been an incredible trooper through this whole ordeal. I am glad that you found a vet who seems to know what she is doing.
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It really was helpful to get Eva’s advice. I think she actually took one look at him today and thought the humane thing would be to let him go now. But as there is still a small chance that he could rally, given enough food and fluids, she also knew that I’d have to try. She doesn’t think he’s in a lot of pain, though it’s clear his quality of life has gone seriously downhill in the past ten days. What’s a sort of comfort is knowing that, by Friday, there should be signs of recovery if indeed he is going to recover. That will help make the decision, if I have to make it then, feel like the right thing to do. And if he doesn’t last that long, then I’ll also know I did everything I could.
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Enjoy the time you have left with him 🙂
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Every single second…
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I think you’re doing the right thing – and I know it isn’t easy – in all sorts of ways.
As you said, the thing is whatever happens, you won’t have anything to reproach yourself for.
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That’s why I was so relieved to know I’d been giving him the right amount of food! But I should’ve started with the water yesterday…
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If this was me I’d hope I wouldn’t have to make the decision, so that’s what I’m wishing for you. Although you’re obviously doing absolutely everything you can, I think it’s inevitable you’ll still think “But what if I’d…” after you’d let him go. So I’m wishing Azar a peaceful, natural end surrounded by love. And I’m crying, how silly.
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Aww, Deb… you should have seen me with him in bed this morning. I cuddled him for ages, and talked to him so softly, telling him all the wonderful things he is and how he’s the best thing that ever happened to me and I’ll love him until the day I die, and I know he knew what I was saying.
And then I realised that this is why people want to believe in Heaven. Darn, now I’m crying too…
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If there is a Heaven it will be because we believed it into existence for our cats. I’m thinking of you guys. Glad he’s digging the sunbeam.
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He’s being very good about letting me give him the food and water via syringe. Makes me think that maybe he really doesn’t want to leave yet.
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(hugs)
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