the love of my life
12 Wednesday Sep 2012
Posted in animals & pets, cancer, cats, death & dying, home, love
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12 Wednesday Sep 2012
Posted in animals & pets, cancer, cats, death & dying, home, love
Heartfelt condolences for your loss, az :’-(
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Omg. So sorry, words can’t express… x
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I’m so sorry.
Can’t find the words – but I’ll light a candle for him tonight and be glad that you had this wee chap in your life.
xx
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I’m so sorry (:
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I’m so very sorry, Az. I hope you can take some comfort from the fact there are many of us here also mourning his loss, although obviously not in the same way you must be.
But what a life he’s had with you. Your love for him has always shone through in your posts.
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RIP beautiful Azar.
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So sorry Shawn. No cat could have been more loved or better cared for. He has given you so many happy memories and of course you have a vast library of photos too! x
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Thanks everyone. Azar died in my arms just before 1 am. I came home to find him in distress and so I held him and cuddled him and kissed him for the hour and a half he had left. I still can’t believe he’s gone because, in so many ways, he’s not gone and never will be. There have been lots of tears, of course, but the very very deep grief inside has, so far, been kept at bay. If I let myself feel it all at once I know I wouldn’t be able to bear it. So I’m trying to do normal things and stay busy, and then every now and then that awful feeling of loss fills my eyes. The idea of missing him is so hard to grasp. How can I miss my own heart? Except everywhere I look he isn’t there and I know I will miss him, and love him, always.
I mentioned yesterday that now I know why people want to believe in Heaven. And now I know why cemetaries exist. We left Azar on the sofa overnight, where he had spent so much time these past few weeks, and covered him with a towel. And although I knew the body there was now just empty skin and bones, it still looked like Azar. I thought that taking him to the vet’s for “disposal” wouldn’t be any different than tossing him in the dumpster, so I asked Peter to come with me to a nearby square where they are doing some road works. And that’s where we buried him.
Being me, I walked over the the workers and asked if I could borrow some tools to bury my cat in the square. Which is of course illegal. One guy looked over his shoulder and said we should wait until the two traffic cops parked nearby left (I hadn’t even seen them!). So we waited, and then were handed a shovel and trowel. And then we went to work. Just then the guy who parks cars there came over and I thought “oh no…busted!”. But he said to me, “are you burying a pet?”. I said, “Yes, my cat died last night, he was 17 and a half. I know this is illegal, but…” and the guy clapped me on the shoulder and said “never mind about that, just carry on”.
Once Peter had a deep enough hole dug I went home, lovingly put Azar’s body inside a prettily embroidered pillowcase, and gently carried him to the square. I kissed him on the head, thanked him for 17 wonderful years, the best of my life, and placed him in the ground. And after filling in his little grave you almost can’t tell he’s there, except we know he is. Then car parking guy came over and said to me “now you need to go out and find yourself another small cat to love”… I told him not to worry, I had two more at home. And when we returned the tools to one of the workers he gave me such a compassionate look of “well done!”
You know, this so suits Azar. Little street-born cat being returned to the street, in a lovely shady square near his home.
And many many thanks to Peter. I mean, a good friend will help you move house, as he has actually done, but only a true friend will help you move a body. And he was there with me all the way.
Just like you guys have been. xx
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Oh, this is so awfull… I had to let Mingus go two weeks ago and reading this, well… I just couldn麓麓t keep it dry… All the best…
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I didn’t know about you losing Mingus, Amiek. I’m so sorry. *hug*
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I’m very glad you didn’t have to make the decision in the end. Azar obviously had the best end possible, the one we all long for in our heart of hearts – to die in the arms of someone we love and who loves us. That’s how my husband went and I think there is comfort to be had from knowing you were there easing the way. Getting to say goodbye means so much.
And what a wonderful goodbye you seem to have given him. Helped by the kindness of strangers, which never ceases to amaze me.
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I am so sorry to hear about Azar.
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A beautiful burial. No doubt you will always feel a little pinch when walking through that square now. It is lovely to see how unknown workers and authorities can be so kind and understanding, too.
And a very befitting quote regarding Peter!
xxx
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So very sorry for your loss, my dear, but how lucky you two were to have had each other. Loving companians to the very end, and an extraordinary burial aided by the kindness of strangers. I’m sure you will continue to hold him in your heart forever.
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I’m sorry 馃槮
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Now he will always be a part of your city.
How kind those workpeople were. I am saying the Cat Prayer and adding blessings for them.
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I am so sorry 馃槮 At least he died in your arms knowing he was very loved, instead of dying alone.
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Tears. Hugs. Sorry for your loss, Shawn. I love that you got to bury him in the street, though. We have one cat buried in our backyard, and I think about her everytime I’m near the spot. And it’s good. Thank you for sharing this hard story with us. Azar was a beauty.
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What a beautiful photo! I’ve read so much about Azar here, I feel as if I know him. How sad he’s gone, Shawn. I wish I were there to offer up a big hug. You buried him well. Now celebrate his 17 great years.
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Tears and condolences from the Lair. Azar had a good life and ended it in the arms of his most beloved. His final resting place suits him well.
*hugs*
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oh az, I am so sorry for your loss. I have cats vicariously through your wonderful photos and posts. I will light a candle for Azar and think of him often. Your resting place for him is loverly, and very touching, I am sure he is looking down from heaven within a sunbeam, and thanking you for being such a caring mum :}
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I am so sorry…
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I’m so sorry.
At least you were able to be with him at the end and bury him as you wished.
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I am so sorry Shawn. I am glad that you were able to find a suitable place to bury him. I cannot think of a better memorial to his life, and his entrance into your life. He was an amazing companion. I know I won’t ever forget him. If there is a kitty heaven, then I just hope that it is filled with asparagus.
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I was hanging around your blog and followed your story. Never left a reply, sorry for that.
Now I feel so sorry for your lost. It’s always so painful losing one of your beloved pets. Take care and cherish the warm memories.
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Oh, Shawn, I am so sorry. We will all miss Azar. The construction workers were amazing! I hope it gives you great comfort to know he’s nearby.
We have Amber’s ashes in a jar on the bookcase. Mom was really happy to be able to have them. All the vets do that, these days. I’m not sure what I will do when the time comes. Apparently, he used to love to go down to the community gardens with the two other neighbourhood cats. I never even knew they hung around until last fall. Sadly, both are gone and while there are other cats in the neighbourhood, he doesn’t get along with any of them.
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You were so good to him, right to the end and beyond. What a perfect and thoughtful setting for his eternal rest.
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A friend and one of the family gone. My heart goes out to you.
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What a lovely burial story, Az. I’m so sad for you and for your loss. I remember when Sunny died and how devastating that was…I can’t imagine how devastating this loss is for you. I’m thinking about you and sending you a big virtual hug from Vancouver.
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Damn – I have been out of circulation for a couple of days – angiogram.
I agree with everyone’s sentiments, it is one of those things which, even though you know it is coming, isn’t any easier for that knowledge.
As has been said before, that cat had a wonderful life, especially compared to what he would have had if he hadn’t met you that day.
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I am so sorry, az. I imagine how deeply you must feel his loss. Azar was such a beautiful cat, and had such a rich full life. He has been such a big part of your life.
Thank you for sharing his life with us, in stories and in photos. And thank you for sharing the strory of the burial. It sounds like you chose a lovely and meaningful spot.
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Shawn, I am so sorry…I’ll remember your beautiful boy. The road crew was very kind; I imagine they saw whqt he meant to you, and I’m so glad they helped out. Peter is a good friend, he’s been there through it all, you illness, and Azar’s last days. Thinking of you.
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