When Azar died I said in another blog post that I finally understood why people want to believe in Heaven, and I also finally understood the concept of graves. Ever since I made the somewhat rash decision to bury Azar in a square near my house I realised that I actually took comfort in him still being “close to home” and that I can see the trees from my bedroom window and know that he is resting below them. I know it doesn’t make any sense, and I know it’s just his remains there, but I somehow need him to be nearby.
I actually waited almost two weeks before I revisited his grave, in case it had been disturbed, because I didn’t know what I’d do if Azar was no longer there. But I found it just as we’d left it, and since then I’ve wandered by many times and stop to say a few words.
My most beautiful boy.
casa azahar 
I do understand the concept of feeling them close. When my husband died he was cremated and his ashes were scattered besire the pitch at Aston Villa Football Club in Birmingham, UK, as he was a hige fan. But before we scattered the ashes I took a pinch and put them in a white gold locket I’d bought, which already contained a picture of each of us on our wedding day. I still wear that locket 6½ years later to keep him close to my heart.
So it makes perfect sense to me.
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*throws in a “d” and a “u” to replace the “r” and “i” in that lot!*
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I thought of you and Azar today and braced myself for a few tears before I checked in. I am so so sorry about your dear little friend. Violet, Dash and Katie, our much loved Cavalier King Charles spaniels are buried in our back yard and when they first died it comforted me greatly to have them there.
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I know, and it all sounds so silly until it happens to you. x
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I am so glad you were able to go by and that all was as it should be.
I have the ashes of all my little guys in a shelf upstairs. Wherever I go, they’ll go.
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I don’t think your decision was rash. It may have come quickly, but that’s because it was right.
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I thought of you, today. Benjamin is losing weight and while I don’t know if it is stress or the change in food or his illness. The feeling helpless against what may or may not be the inevitable. My heart goes out to you.
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