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So there I was, up at 6.00 am in order to prepare for the prep… which began at 6.30. Four fucking litres of this vile solution, downed in 250ml doses every 15 minutes over 4 hours. After the first hour is when the fun starts. I was amazed that I was actually able to down all 16 doses, but after awhile nothing mattered anymore, so what the fuck, what was one more disgusting oral and anal experience? After that I had to spend 4 hours not drinking even one drop of water. You’d think that by this point I’d have had enough liquid to last me, but as I’d also lost a lot of liquid I was actually quite thirsty, and I’m not used to going that long without water.

Anyhow… got a taxi over to the hospital with my friend Paz. These days I go to as many hospital visits on my own as possible, but this one required that I be accompanied because they administer a mild sedative. In this case it wasn’t that mild! A dolantin-valium cocktail totally knocked me out and I woke up again an hour later going – wut? By then it was all over and they were wheeling me into the recovery room. Seriously I don’t ever remember being knocked out so completely during any previous colonoscopy/endoscopy procedures. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation? Whatever, it was done and – YAY! – I was told that there were no signs of cancer and I was good to go.

And so I went, with Paz, for a long walk over to the Huerta de Rey Moro, a community garden where some of her family were having a birthday party for one of her many nephews. Grabbed a cold beer, hung out with the family for awhile and then decided – fuck I’m hungry! I mean, it had been over 36 hours since my last bite. So I wandered over to Eslava for a snack and also to just feel normal again. These hospital things really take it out of me, so I got back into my element, chatting with the barmen, doing a bit of Instagramming… and after that I was ready to go home. It was such a relief to open my door to three hungry cats, feed them, put on my PJs and get ready for a cosy evening at home. BUT THEN THIS HAPPENED… (stay tuned)…