10 Thursday Jul 2008
Posted in cancer, health & happiness, home, hospitals, progress
Or more like “Operation: Info”
Honestly, I’m always the last to know. I really thought yesterday’s appointment was to get the pre-op tests done for my upcoming liver surgery. Turns out it wasn’t that at all. Nor was I the only confused person…
08 Tuesday Jul 2008
Posted in cancer, friends, health & happiness, home, life stuff
I went to the supermarket with my friend (and new next door neighbour) ‘La J’ yesterday evening. As I was really missing Nog I thought about how strange it felt not to be there with him, about the countless times we’d been shopping at the supermarket together. Those little life routines.
And I was suddenly hit with the deepest sadness I’d ever known, far too deep for tears. Because I found myself wishing beyond reason, beyond hope, that I could ‘go back’ and have my old life back again. The one where I was healthy, before all this started. The one I had never appreciated enough.
I hope that you’re appreciating your today…
05 Saturday Jul 2008
Posted in cancer, health & happiness, life stuff, progress
Day six since the first chemo session.
Quite a bit to report. First of all, I actually woke up feeling hungry today! So I had my first proper brekky in days. The only unpleasant lingering side effect is quite painful lower abdominal cramps, which started yesterday. I’m assuming this is a reaction to having had severe dire rear since Tuesday (probably TMI but WTF) and so I won’t rush off to emergency unless they either get worse or continue after the weekend. Oh, and my hand still hurts. But other than that I feel almost normalish.
To wit, I even ventured outside today with nursemyra for some lunchtime tapas at a new place called Cava Europa. Afterwards I was pretty tired so we came back to casa az , got all floppy in front of the electric fans and watched a DVD.
While I was at lunch I got a couple of text messages from Nog. He’s spending the day at a theme park called Terra Mitica – 52 kids and 4 staff! At one point he wrote to tell me he’d been on a couple of rides just to show the kids he’s not a wuss. 🙂
Yesterday there was a ‘changing of the guard’ when Pipocas left for a ten-day trip and La J came back from doing the Camino de Santiago and moved in next door. And not a moment too soon because the cat box was getting seriously whiffy (La J helped as I wasn’t able to change it this week because of my dodgy hand – no strength in it). So it’s nice to know that there is now a friend and next-door neighbour there to help me with practical stuff, especially when I can’t get out of the house.
Oh, and … does happy dance … I found out yesterday that the lovely Sara & Steve (aka strangelittleangel and Blues Shark) will be coming back to Sevilla the first two weeks of September! This is such wonderful news and I can’t wait to see them both again. I just hope I’m not in hospital during their visit…
So that’s my first progress report. I’m hoping that I’m over the worst of the chemo side effects now (until next time) and that the next two weeks will be less stressful and scary. But I still plan on taking things easy and paying attention to what my body needs. As Sara says, it’s a very steep learning curve.
03 Thursday Jul 2008
Posted in cancer, health & happiness, home, hospitals
… diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, sores in mouth and throat, abdominal pain, reaction in feet and hands (tingling, swelling, redness, pain), dehydration, fatigue, loss of appetite.
I reckon I’ve got about half of those. I also can’t eat, drink or touch anything cold and my mouth tastes of metal all the time. Everything about this treatment just feels so wrong.
So, as I mentioned here, for the past two days I’ve been feeling quite sick and have been mostly in bed, as sitting up for more than half an hour is way too exhausting. I’m not sleeping so much as dozing off and on. It’s a strange and lonely existence but I’m rereading the Sam Vimes books, which make me smile in spite of everything else. It just feels weird to be so ‘floppy’. The cats are quite enjoying having me around 24/7 though and flop next to me on the bed while I read and doze.
I hope Sara is right and I start feeling better by the end of the week . . .
30 Monday Jun 2008
Posted in cancer, friends, health & happiness, hospitals
Because Pipocas was occupied with family obligations today, nursemyra & daisy very generously offered to go with me to my first chemo session, scheduled for 12 pm today. The one my oncologist told me would last for about an hour or so. I was supposed to arrive 15 minutes early for the appointment but got there even earlier, at 11.30.
Well, ha! I finally got put into the comfy chair around 2pm and was told the procedure would take about two and a half hours (wtf???) … but what could I do? I mostly felt bad for the chicas spending most of one of their holiday days in the hospital with me. And the procedure itself was no picnic as my hand and arm hurt like hell almost the whole time, and still does now some six hours later.
What I am mostly worried about now is how I’m going to react to the chemo and also the pills I have to take for the next two weeks, as these are apparently the ones that cause all the problems with nausea and vomiting. To wit, nursemyra is staying over tonight, mostly so I don’t have to go to sleep feeling afraid and alone – isn’t that lovely? I don’t know what’s going to happen, so until I start having symptoms that I can find a way of coping with it’s like being back in limbo once again.
Anyhow, just back from a lovely evening of tapas & wine with the chicas (tastebuds are already going wonky). And I’ve just finished chatting to Nog on the phone – he’s settling into his new job but really wishes he could be here. And now it’s time for bed. I honestly have no idea what tomorrow will bring but it feels safe knowing there’s someone just down the hall if I need anything. Even just knowing someone is there will probably be enough.
Going to try and be not so wimpy & needy tomorrow.
Hasta mañana . . .
casa azahar 
