23 Wednesday Sep 2009
The other day my friend Gaelen wrote a very thoughtful blog post called The Reluctant (Cancer) Warrior, and asked at the end of it…
Do you like the battle metaphors for cancer, the idea of being a cancer warrior? Do you see living with cancer as a war? What is the cancer metaphor that works for you?
And it came to me that the metaphor that works best for me is the Sword of Damocles. Just hanging there, you know? And you never know when it’s going to fall and take your life away…
20 Sunday Sep 2009
Posted in cancer, change, chemo, family, friends, hope, life stuff, philosophy, video
A moving – and very real – short film. Very well done.
15 Tuesday Sep 2009
Posted in cancer, change, chemo, fitness, health & happiness, hope, life stuff
So I got the good news yesterday that my CT scan came back negative, which now buys me another three months, and hopefully more. Though I am still a bit concerned because my last CT scan in February also came back negative, and then when they did a PET scan in March they found new metastasis in my liver, and I went back on chemo in April, blah, blah, blah.
The thing is, I am pretty sure I won’t ever be able to make myself go back on chemo again, so these tests have become a different sort of “threat”. Not just that of finding more cancer, but of me not being able to do any more treatment. Sure, maybe I would change my mind if I was faced with yet another recurrence, but for now I just want to focus on the next three months and live them as much as I can.
You see, the doctors don’t expect to cure me. And so, like all people with Stage IV cancer, my best hope is that I will live long enough to see some new treatment developments that might prolong my life in a way that is bearable. For me, being on chemo is not bearable. It’s not living. And so I hope this remission is a long one. Fingers crossed!
09 Wednesday Sep 2009
Posted in animals & pets, cancer, change, geekiness, health & happiness, hope, hospitals, internet
So, had another CT scan on Monday. It actually went okay, taking a surprisingly short time to complete both the scan and then going to the chemo room to get my port flushed out. Less than an hour for both! Though of course this didn’t take into account the previous two hours of drinking the barium (aka strawberry-flavoured snot). Still, I was there and back again in no time. But now … what to do?
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01 Tuesday Sep 2009
Posted in change, computers, home, life stuff, work
Since I got home from Zahara (a week ago last night) I’ve been GETTING THINGS DONE. And feeling very pleased about it, because there really was – and still is – a helluva lot of stuff to do. And so I have been writing daily to-do lists and taking great pleasure in checking things off them (sound familiar, Susan?).
This week I am not only back to daily yoga & pilates classes, I’m also doing extra workouts at the gym. And I am trying to get my old students organised (though to be honest, I probably won’t see them again until October) as well as find some new students – both for myself and Nog. So we are working on the Restaurant English plan together. I’m also working on setting up some tapas tours with someone I met on Twitter who has a “bespoke holiday” biz in the UK. And a guy I met last weekend (while helping alejna find an apartment for her September holiday in Sevilla) wants to meet with me about featuring Sevilla Tapas on his website. Meanwhile, I am thinking about what to offer in my online Sevilla Store. Because I need to line up at least a couple of jobs I can do from home … just in case.
Have also been doing a massive clean out of the apartment. I have been so ruthless about throwing old stuff out that I scarcely recognise myself. But it feels good! Like a fresh start. I think I’ve said here before that September always feels more like the new year than January does. And even more so this year.
So, do you love or hate to-do lists? I love ’em.
casa azahar 