It’s not always easy, coordinating loads of laundry when you live alone. I usually have 2-3 loads a week. Two of sheets and towels, pyjamas and light coloured clothing, then one of darks. The darks don’t happen every week because those are mostly my outdoor clothes and I only go out maybe twice a week. But today I got overwhelmed by laundry.

It turned out I had to do an extra load thanks to Loki making a mess on my duvet cover (and I only have one of those, so it had to get washed and dried in the sun same day) and suddenly I had to time all this washing and drying, and sheet changing, which now included wrangling with the duvet cover, with… well, nothing at all really. Because I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO. But it still felt like my whole day was consumed by this to the point that I had to ask myself how I ever ran my own business and worked full time. Answer? No fucking idea. Though I am a firm believer in the more you do, the more you do. If you know what I mean.

A couple of weeks ago I was in Casa Román having some tapas and it was only me and Peter inside, plus maybe 2-3 other tables outside. Predictably the usually attentive waiters were not paying any attention at all. And because I know them so well I said something to that effect, complaining about how the service had really gone downhill, blah blah, joking with them. But it’s true, and Inma said the same to me, that when it’s busy they all switch into high gear and everything runs super efficiently. But when there is next to nothing to do, motivation dwindles. I remember that very well from when I worked in restaurants.

But it’s the same in just day to day life. When you have a full schedule you get all that done and then some. It’s because you have so much to do that you are already geared up to do a bit more. The energy is already there. I’m not talking about being so busy there’s no time for anything else, just a healthy amount of work to keep you feeling challenged and interested. And guess what? Somehow the laundry gets done too!

Since last March I’ve had one writing assignment and a short stint as community manager for a small group of restaurants here. Other than that, I just get up in the morning and wonder what the fuck I am going to do that day other than make lunch. Thing is, although I miss the money from those two jobs I had, what I miss more is the sense of purpose I had when I got up, that I had STUFF TO DO. I don’t know why I find it so hard to self-motivate, because I’m sure there are plenty of things I could be working on (other than lunch). Okay, maybe not true that I don’t know why. The thing is that I’m scared. Sometimes scared out of my wits. When someone gives me a job to do I HAVE to snap out of it and get it done. And what a relief that is. Or was.

So I don’t know. I realise many people are suffering much more than me. On the other hand, others are complaining about the contents of their gourmet organic vegetable delivery… my online friends are all over the map.  😉  Which is fair enough because we all have different lives. I know I have to make some very big decisions about mine. And yet I can’t seem to… oh, guess I wasn’t overwhelmed by laundry after all.