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So it turned out that the sexy Toshiba camcorder I temporarily bought as a back-up camera while Niko is in hospital takes totally crap photos (though quite nice videos). Obviously not a good choice for a back-up camera, temporary or otherwise, I took it back yesterday after this baby arrived via Amazon. You see, a couple of weeks ago I met Graham (click on link – that’s him in the middle) at the EBE10 blogging conference, and when he wasn’t busy showing off his iPad he was telling me how great his Kodak zi8 was. According to Graham, it not only takes great videos (and has that really cool built-in USB thingy) but it also takes fab photos. But the day I was in the store looking for a temporary substitute for Niko I couldn’t find this camera – later Graham told me it was only available on Amazon – so I thought I’d try the Toshiba instead. Well, the one thing the Toshiba experience convinced me of was that having a proper videocam is actually a necessary work tool for me. And so, credit card a-tremble, I ordered the Bear.
Can’t wait to start filming and editing…

I do sometimes wonder if it’s just a matter of time before I snap. Or maybe that’s what the cancer was all about, and now it’s about to come back. But the bottom line is that it’s just too much. After almost two years of ops and chemo and being off work I was finally getting to where I might start making enough money again to live on, and then I lose the roof over my head. And while I keep getting up every day and doing what I can, I really am not doing very well. I lie awake at night hugging cats and feeling like it’s all falling apart, that I’m slipping into the abyss and there is no way out anymore. It scares me. It bloody well scares the hell out of me.
Final deadline for my SimonSeeks job (the first one was 