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Tag Archives: love

skid

23 Monday Jan 2012

Posted by azahar in animals & pets, cats, home

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

cats, home, love

So okay, this is kinda gross. Or even really gross. Consider yourselves warned and walk away now…

As most of you know, my Loki is a Very Big Boy. Not only the longest and tallest cat I’ve ever known, but he also weighs in at 7.1 kilos. Which means he’s also a bit beyond chubby. Which means he isn’t able to clean his nether regions very easily, if at all, and so looks of other easier ways. In nature he would rub his grubby bottom along some grass or leaves to wipe it clean. In casa az he has chosen my bed cover. Ick.

This is actually a newish thing, starting just after the cold weather hit and I put the deep orange quilted cover on the bed for the winter. I guess it was a combination of Loki becoming just extra fat enough to make doing the clean-up job on his own too difficult, and the nice quilted surface becoming suddenly tempting… but still, totally gross. After washing the bed cover several times I realised that Loki was only doing the nasty on one section of the bed, so I got out an old bath towel and – voilà! – that’s what he uses now. Though not every day. Weird.

And for some reason I find myself thinking stuff like… hey, Sunny never used to do that, and he was even plumper than Loki in his day. Also, Sunny never ever – not even once! – jumped up onto the kitchen counter tops. Not like Loki has started doing.

And then I stop. Because Loki isn’t Sunny. Even though he often seems to be channeling Sunny with his very doggy behaviour and general galootness. And then there is his total trusting face, which always gets to me. Just like Sunny’s. Except orange and stripey. So much the same yet also very different. And maybe this sounds corny, but the ways that Loki reminds me of Sunny makes me feel like I can love them both at once, because I still miss the sunshine of my life so much.

I’m also reminded of Sunny when I give Azar his kidney meds in malta and when Peter and I give him the daily liquid laxative, and several drinks of water from his special glass… all the thing we didn’t do for Sunny because we didn’t know. Because back then I didn’t have a vet who would take ten phone calls from me and give me advice and help me make decisions. So now I also cuddle Sunny when I snuggle up with Azar at night.

Luna, on the other hand, doesn’t remind me of Sunny at all. But she is very likely to start reminding me of her namesake, and Sunny’s mother, Lua. She is already displaying what is politely known as Lots of Character.

we can conquer the world

02 Tuesday Mar 2010

Posted by azahar in cats, change, love, music, video

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

diane heatherington, love, stevie wonder

Since his recent mystery illness, and especially since the arrival of Loki, I’ve been telling Azar … “hey, don’t you worry ’bout a thing chevrolet, you and I can conquer the world”. I don’t know why that sentence kept coming up. And of course “chevrolet” is a silly private joke referring to a Stevie Wonder song called Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thing … and the background singers go “chévere”, which sounded like chevrolet to my young 15 year-old ears. But one of my very favourite Stevie Wonder songs is this one – You and I, We Can Conquer the World, though it didn’t become my favourite Stevie Wonder song until I heard someone else sing it – Diane Heatherington –  in a little tea room/restaurant in Winnipeg I used to frequent called The Ting. She sang this song like nobody else and it always filled me up. I think if kd Lang ever sang it I would just crumple up and die of happiness…

Such beautiful lyrics, neither gender nor species specific.

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google love

08 Monday Feb 2010

Posted by azahar in internet, love, media, video

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

google, love, video

awwww… f_love.gif

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azahar rising

27 Wednesday Jan 2010

Posted by azahar in art, cancer, friends, health & happiness, hope, love

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

art, friends, love


Just yesterday I was telling you how I am constantly overwhelmed by the generosity of my friends, and then this came in the mail … a paper collage made by healingmagichands. Not only is it beautiful, but I could feel the love and caring that was put into creating it and it made me feel very special indeed.

This piece has been in my mind for several weeks, but it took a long time to gel. I don’t know that I necessarily need to explain this work, but my “artist’s note” would say something about the power of will and strength overcoming shadows & ill health. The vine along the left side is sort of the continuity of life as the struggle goes on, growth does not necessarily stop and in fact, the struggle may even nurture grown. At any rate, the vine gains in strength as it rises.

I call this “azahar rising”.

Thanks so much, Ellie.

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two months

18 Monday Jan 2010

Posted by azahar in animals & pets, cats, change, home, love

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

cats, love

Sunny in a sunbeam…

It’s been two months since my beautiful Sunny died. I am often haunted by those last awful hours that he lay dying in my arms, but more often I remember how much I love him and how wonderful it was having him in my life. Sometimes I have dreams in which I can see and touch him again, and I wake up with a terrible ache of longing. Just to hold my Sunny bunny one more time. Even now when I have to get up in the middle of the night I find myself being careful not to disturb him in his usual place at the foot of the bed, and then I realise he’s not there anymore.

Sometimes, like now, I cry because I miss him so much. Other times there is a happy/sad feeling, knowing how lucky I was to know him and love him. Because I know that I’m a better person for loving him (present tense – that love is still alive). A couple of days ago I mentioned that I have a very high pain threshhold, but it seems this only pertains to physical pain. I’ve always been crap at dealing with emotional pain, especially having to do with separation and loss, and the pain of losing a loved one really is beyond anything I could have imagined. It still takes my breath away sometimes. But that’s part of the deal.

  • the sunshine of my life
  • learning to love

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