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Tag Archives: san juan

juana la loca

24 Wednesday Jun 2020

Posted by azahar in fiestas, spain, welcome

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san juan, spain

juana la loca
Today is San Juan, which is also my saint’s day. Since of course Shawn is John, which is Juan in Spanish and which is also…. Juana, John, Jack, Ivan, Ivana, Sean, Siôn, Shaun, Shauna, Ian, Jean, Jeanne, Joan, Jane, Janet, Giovanni, Giovanna, Evan, Ivan, Jan, João, Jenny, Vanya, Zane, Sinéad, Siobhán… just to give you a few other versions of my name, both male and female.

Growing up I hated my name big time. It was a BOY’S NAME (really, it is) and I wanted a cute girl’s name, preferably something ending in a Y. But later when I was older I kind of liked having an unusual name. And then I moved to Spain.

Can I tell you? Almost NOBODY can pronounce my name here. I get Chon, Chown, Chan and somtimes, when they see it written, Chwan. And of course over the years people have asked if there was a Spanish translation for my name and I’ve always said “noooooo…”. Why? Because I never wanted to be called Juanita (though an ex used to call me Chonita and somehow I was okay with that).

But I think I am about to change my mind about this. It turns out that Juana is quite a respectable Spanish name, and of course it always brings to mind Juana La Loca (a name that I think also suits me). So once I get back to circulating in society here and people ask my name I think I’ll say “Just call me Juana”.

san juan

25 Tuesday Jun 2019

Posted by azahar in change, friends

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casa azahar, change, san juan

Yesterday was the festival of San Juan. It was also my saint day (Shawn = Juan). On the eve of San Juan the tradition is to build bonfires that people then jump over – the idea is to burn away all the negative shit that’s accumulated in your life and start fresh on the other side of the flames.

Well, these past few months have been very difficult, for various reasons, but they have also made me take a hard and honest look at what is important in my life. Which has been both difficult and sad. Then just when I thought I’d reached bottom, that  I couldn’t possibly feel any sadder, I found out that my friend and wonder twin Jed had died. On San Juan day.

One thing I know is that I’m done crying, because I’ve been crying a lot. And I’m also done with falling into this crippling sadness that’s been dragging me down for so long. It’s time to burn all that away, let it go, and start on a new chapter. Wish me luck! x

azahar on twitter

  • sunday song – isn’t it nice to be home again youtube.com/shorts/98qMVLb… azahar.me/2023/02/05/sun… 12 hours ago
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