A moving – and very real – short film. Very well done.
survivors
20 Sunday Sep 2009
Posted in cancer, change, chemo, family, friends, hope, life stuff, philosophy, video
Category Archives: cancer
borrowed time
15 Tuesday Sep 2009
Posted in cancer, change, chemo, fitness, health & happiness, hope, life stuff
So I got the good news yesterday that my CT scan came back negative, which now buys me another three months, and hopefully more. Though I am still a bit concerned because my last CT scan in February also came back negative, and then when they did a PET scan in March they found new metastasis in my liver, and I went back on chemo in April, blah, blah, blah.
The thing is, I am pretty sure I won’t ever be able to make myself go back on chemo again, so these tests have become a different sort of “threat”. Not just that of finding more cancer, but of me not being able to do any more treatment. Sure, maybe I would change my mind if I was faced with yet another recurrence, but for now I just want to focus on the next three months and live them as much as I can.
You see, the doctors don’t expect to cure me. And so, like all people with Stage IV cancer, my best hope is that I will live long enough to see some new treatment developments that might prolong my life in a way that is bearable. For me, being on chemo is not bearable. It’s not living. And so I hope this remission is a long one. Fingers crossed!
cat scans & whatnot…
09 Wednesday Sep 2009
Posted in animals & pets, cancer, change, geekiness, health & happiness, hope, hospitals, internet
So, had another CT scan on Monday. It actually went okay, taking a surprisingly short time to complete both the scan and then going to the chemo room to get my port flushed out. Less than an hour for both! Though of course this didn’t take into account the previous two hours of drinking the barium (aka strawberry-flavoured snot). Still, I was there and back again in no time. But now … what to do?
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finding a new “normal”
30 Sunday Aug 2009
Posted in cancer, health & happiness, home, hope, life stuff, philosophy
Awhile ago I read this on the Colon Club forum and it really hit home.
“The problem right now is I go through such mixed feelings, and I get lonely because there is not anyone with whom to share them as I know very few people who have had cancer. I am tired of not “feeling” myself. I know things from here on out will never be quite the same. I have battled with this neuropathy for some time now and I battle with work and appointments. I need balance! I do take anti depressants but think talking to others will help me. Others know what it is like, this “lonely” feeling. Note: I am not suicidal and I am happy to be alive. I just need friends like me. Once you finish chemo, it’s like everyone forgets that anything is going on with you? Anyone else share my feelings?”
In fact, I was going to post this last March and then I found out about the recurrence and was suddenly back on chemo. Thing was, even six months after the first chemo I was still feeling not quite myself. I have since come to the conclusion that my pre-cancer self is gone for good. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it takes some getting used to…
back to the gym
28 Friday Aug 2009
Posted in cancer, change, fitness, health & happiness, hope, life stuff
So I finally got back to the gym yesterday, in part motivated by the fact that I’d paid the monthly fee for August and had so far only gone once. That was just after I got back from my week in Málaga and that same day I ended up putting my back out at the hospital. Grrr. And shortly after that I went to Zahara for ten days. If I’d known about the Zahara trip at the beginning of the month I probably would have asked the gym if I could skip a payment as I wasn’t going to be here. But after yesterday I’m glad I kept up the payments even if I only end up going a few times this month…
casa azahar 