Category Archives: cancer

land squid (mammogram)

01 Thursday Oct 2009

Posted by in cancer, chemo, health & happiness, hospitals, life stuff

≈ 11 Comments

mammogram

I saw my oncologist yesterday and got the low-down on my situation.  Well, sort of. Which is that I am on “wait and watch” until the next CT scan. I have another appointment with the onc in November … and that’s all I know. Oh, except that I have a hernia from one of my previous ops and might have to have another operation for that (??!). Seriously, I was just told this like it was nothing and was asked  – “You mean the surgeons never rescheduled with you after your last appointment?” (in January).  And no, they hadn’t. And then the onc suddenly told me I had to lose weight because of the hernia. Like duh. She never once mentioned this was important in terms of having cancer, which I believe it is. So I told her I was on the case, going to the gym every day and changing my diet …

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sword of damocles

23 Wednesday Sep 2009

Posted by in cancer, change, chemo, friends, health & happiness, hope, hospitals

≈ 5 Comments

sword_of_damocles

The other day my friend Gaelen wrote a very thoughtful blog post called The Reluctant (Cancer) Warrior, and asked at the end of it…

Do you like the battle metaphors for cancer, the idea of being a cancer warrior? Do you see living with cancer as a war? What is the cancer metaphor that works for you?

And it came to me that the metaphor that works best for me is the Sword of Damocles. Just hanging there, you know? And you never know when it’s going to fall and take your life away…

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borrowed time

15 Tuesday Sep 2009

Posted by in cancer, change, chemo, fitness, health & happiness, hope, life stuff

≈ 21 Comments

borrowed_time

So I got the good news yesterday that my CT scan came back negative, which now buys me another three months, and hopefully more. Though I am still a bit concerned because my last CT scan in February also came back negative, and then when they did a PET scan in March they found new metastasis in my liver, and I went back on chemo in April, blah, blah, blah.

The thing is, I am pretty sure I won’t ever be able to make myself go back on chemo again, so these tests have become a different sort of “threat”. Not just that of finding more cancer, but of me not being able to do any more treatment. Sure, maybe I would change my mind if I was faced with yet another recurrence, but for now I just want to focus on the next three months and live them as much as I can.

You see, the doctors don’t expect to cure me. And so, like all people with Stage IV cancer, my best hope is that I will live long enough to see some new treatment developments that might prolong my life in a way that is bearable. For me, being on chemo is not bearable. It’s not living. And so I hope this remission is a long one. Fingers crossed!

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cat scans & whatnot…

09 Wednesday Sep 2009

Posted by in animals & pets, cancer, change, geekiness, health & happiness, hope, hospitals, internet

≈ 16 Comments

cat_scan

So, had another CT scan on Monday. It actually went okay, taking a surprisingly short time to complete both the scan and then going to the chemo room to get my port flushed out. Less than an hour for both! Though of course this didn’t take into account the previous two hours of drinking the barium (aka strawberry-flavoured snot). Still, I was there and back again in no time. But now … what to do?
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