31 Thursday Mar 2022
Posted in health & happiness, home, homecooking, sevilla
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After nothing but toast and broth since Sunday l decided to go for something a bit more substantial. Potato, onion, cauliflower and broccoli purée with pan cristal croutons. Soothing. Am feeling better today and so far the tests are still negative. 🤞
18 Friday Mar 2022
Posted in health & happiness, home, sevilla
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Got hit by (what I hoped was) that stomach bug going around. After a gawd awful night violently losing it from both ends I spent almost 18 hours in bed. Then a brief attempt at staying upright and I was back under the duvet. That went on for another night and then… some relief. Took the test and that was also a relief, but I had to pass on my evening tapas tour to José. I’ll do another test after the weekend but hopefully I’m on the mend. These days covid has so many possible symptoms it’s good to play it safe.
25 Friday Feb 2022
Posted in cancer, health & happiness, hospitals, sevilla
Bet your hospital isn’t this beautiful! But I also bet yours functions better as a hospital. The Hospital Duque del Infantado was built for the Ibero-American Exposition of 1929 and was the Basque pavillion. In 1973 it was inaugurated as a Regional Oncology Center, and since then it has undergone several reforms and expansions. In the 1990s Oncology care was moved to the Virgen del Rocío Hospital (my hospital!) and now Duque del Infantado is mostly geared towards outpatient care, minor surgeries and specialist visits. Which is how I ended up here this week for my oncology revision instead of at Virgen del Rocío (which was full).
The appointment was to go over the results of the last CT scan (done last November) and as I already had the results I wasn’t too worried. This was mostly to decide on what to do next. Ever since Covid I have not seen the same oncologist twice, which isn’t a bad thing as I really didn’t like the one I had been saddled with previously. But man, when they say this is a specialist visit they aren’t kidding. The onc told me what I already knew and agreed that another CT should be done (it’s now scheduled for some time in June) but when I asked her about a couple of the other somewhat alarming (to me) things mentioned in the scan results she said she was only dealing with cancer/no cancer stuff. Okey-dokey.
I mean, I’ve been in this game long enough to know that if I want answers about the other stuff then I have to get my (also new) GP to request an appointment with a Digestivo specialist but that just makes me feel so tired. Meanwhile I feel like a walking time bomb with several “issues” going on in there involving my spleen, liver, stomach lining, pancreas, a possible fistula and that hernia sticking out of my belly button. Clearly none of this is good, but so far none of it has turned into cancer, and that is what they keep testing for. And so, that is that for now. Over and out.
09 Thursday Dec 2021
Posted in coronavirus, covid, health & happiness
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It’s done! Third jab.
08 Wednesday Dec 2021
Posted in friends, health & happiness
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So this happened today. I found out that someone who ghosted me during the summer of 2020 (after telling me to get professional help when I admitted to them I was going through a hard time) has been telling people in our circle of friends and acquaintances that we “no longer have a friendship”. I don’t know if they have been saying WHY (which might actually interest me since I was never told) or whatever else is a part of their own personal gossipy drama around this, but fuck this sucks.
I mean, I was way over the fact that this person had decided not to be friends any more. Because who needs friends like that? BUT I MEAN, to have this affect my professional life to the point where an event organiser felt they had to “warn” me that this person would also be in attendance… you know, just to avoid an “uncomfortable situation”. I was totally taken aback. I know the organiser meant well, that their heart was in the right place, and that’s fine. But the fact that they even knew, or thought they knew, that there might be some ISSUE between me and someone I’ve had no contact with for almost a year and a half… well, that takes some constant stoking of the ol’ gossip machine. But why?
I’ll be honest that this hurt me. Felt like hot stabby knives in my heart and I’ve spent the afternoon in tears. It’s a feeling of betrayal somehow. Not because this person no longer wanted to be friends, because I realised later on they were never actually a friend. I was just useful to them for awhile. But what is it with the social backstabbing and gossipy shit? Why would someone feel a need to do that? Why am I such a threat to them?
Anyone who actually knows me also knows that I am a rather complicated and (so I am told) sometimes challenging person. Apparently this is also a part of what makes me “interesting”. But those same people, those very few who actually know me, also know what a vulnerable quivering insecure mess I am most days. Sure, I’ve learned how to pretend I have thick skin, have learned how to appear strong when it’s the last thing I am feeling… but most of the time it’s like I have no skin at all. So how do I go about acquiring some thicker skin? I don’t want to get all hard or anything. Just so that everything doesn’t hurt so much.
casa azahar 