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Category Archives: life stuff

fear

12 Friday Feb 2010

Posted by azahar in cancer, hope, hospitals, life stuff

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

fear


Fear is my worst enemy.

I mean that it is the one thing I cannot seem to cope with in a way that doesn’t make me hate myself, that makes me feel like I will never “grow up”. And I was reminded of this yesterday when I had to go to the hospital to get the chemo port flushed out. A once a month ordeal. And it really shouldn’t be an ORDEAL because if I go at the right time (around 7pm) there is a very short wait and the procedure itself only takes about five minutes. But there is so much attached to walking through those hospital doors, so many awful memories of FEAR. And I stupidly let it catch me by surprise because I’d been having such a great week. Lots of positive things were happening, got things resolved with the kitteh situation, and I’d even lost a couple of kilos! Then sometime just before lunch it was like someone turned on the fear tap and I was suddenly inundated with a horrible flood of emotions that seemingly came out of nowhere. Though of course they have been there all along …

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feliz año nuevo!

01 Friday Jan 2010

Posted by azahar in holidays, hope, life stuff

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

2010, happy new year

f_bubbly.gif f_bubbly.gif f_bubbly.gif

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win some, lose some…

29 Tuesday Dec 2009

Posted by azahar in fitness, life stuff, weather

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

gym, rain, umbrellas

Last week I found out there would be no yoga classes over the holidays, which for here means from just before Christmas until January 8th … more than two weeks! So after my last yoga class (day before Christmas eve) I spoke to one of the guys at the reception desk and suggested that as I mostly come to the gym for yoga and there weren’t going to be classes for half a month, that I should only be charged half my fee for January … and he said no problem!

So there I was, feeling quite chuffed at having saved myself 18 euros, when I turned to collect my umbrella that I had left at the front door and saw that it was gone. There were about ten other umbrellas there, but not mine. And it was pissing down with rain. Well, the nice guy at the gym lent me his umbrella (which I brought back the next day) but of course I had to buy myself another one. Found a really pretty red one for 12 euros, which still puts me ahead by 6 euros, but you know … *sigh*

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prezzies

20 Sunday Dec 2009

Posted by azahar in christmas, friends, life stuff, love

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

christmas, friends, presents

This prezzie from my friend Teuchter came in the mail the other day … and I was even given permission to open it before Christmas!  So of course I did, since I am celebrating Christmas all month (and then some) here at casa az – up until Epiphany. At which point I shall celebrate my birthday! You guys will have to wait until next Saturday’s Photohunt to see what was inside this package (any guesses?), but suffice it to say that this was truly one of the most unexpected and superb gifts I have ever received.

These days I am more inclined to think of gifts in the form of experiences. Like the trip to Málaga,  for which I received a surprise donation. Or being invited out for tapas – Nog usually takes me out about once a week. Also just having time to read and go to the gym. Let’s just say that, with another PET scan coming up soon, I’m not all that interested in acquiring more “stuff”. Though I am thinking about getting a kitten for Azar …

What sort of gifts do you like giving & receiving?

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anything for a laugh

26 Thursday Nov 2009

Posted by azahar in animals & pets, change, home, life stuff

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

cats, home, love

Azar is such a hammy drama cat, and is also the only cat I’ve ever met with such a silly sense of humour. He loves playing tricks on people and seems to derive great pleasure from getting me to laugh. He’s certainily been extra frisky and silly since Sunny died last week, and one of his new “make az laugh” tricks is his death-defying walk along the back of the sofa, which he has been performing almost daily. The funny bit is, because he only has three usable paws, the various turns and twists he does  as he walks back and forth end up being quite comical. I tried to catch him in action yesterday and this was the least blurry photo I could manage. Am going to video him next time!

So, I don’t know if it’s on purpose or coincidence, but this past week Azar really has been pulling out all the stops. He’s been extra demanding in a “hey, look at me!” sort of way, but it seems mostly so he can do something silly and then get me to laugh and make a big fuss over him. He’s also being extra cuddly in bed, purring me to sleep and otherwise being totally adorable, bless his furry little heart.

Missing Sunny still hurts but thanks to Azar I can also smile again.

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