The HUGEST – seriously – the most humongously BIGGEST – fucking cockroach I have ever seen in my life happened to me this morning, around 7am when I wandered into the bathroom for a pee… AND OMG THERE IT WAS AT EYE LEVEL ON THE WALL next to the toilet. It was just THERE. Hanging out. In no rush. Chill as can be. There was no time to think, every fibre of my being, every emotion, froze solid and I went into complete survival mode.

I unfroze, raced out, grabbed the Shoe of Death with suddenly every nerve ending I owned going totally bonkers, raced back to the bathroom and the fucker was just… STILL THERE. Idiot. Hadn’t budged. Was just asking for DEATH. And so that’s what it got. OMGOMGOMG.

This makes, I think.. 5? Five sightings this season. Above average… it’s usually 2-3. Please make it stop.