I came across this the other day whilst thinking about scanxiety, and at first I thought, hey yeah, that’s cool. But then I thought, hey wait a minute.
I agree with the bit that talks about the things that cause our anxiety have already happened (so saying not to worry about things that will never happen obviously does not work here). And I agree with the part that says it’s about remembering. Because it did happen to me. Again and then again. So you know, why wouldn’t it happen yet again?
Which brings me to the part I disagree with “it’s not so much about worrying.” Sorry, for me it’s TOTALLY about worrying. And fretting, and second-guessing, and hoping, and regretting, and even panicking. Hey, it happened before, it can happen again. Why is that so hard to understand? And all those well meaning people who say “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine”… I kind of wish they wouldn’t say that. I know it’s not meant as such but it feels a bit like being given the brush off. That I am worrying about nothing. Really? If your cancer came back twice would you honestly and truly believe it would never come back again? That there is nothing to worry about? Think again.
So what’s the best thing to say to someone terrified about the possible outcome of yet another PET scan? Well, how about whatever is real for you? That you have no idea what I’m going through but you are hoping for the best. That you will get on the next plane if it all goes tits up. That you’ve been through this yourself and it’s totally shit and you’ll be waiting for me on the other side of the results. And even that you care a lot but simply don’t know what to say – that’s all totally okay and also totally understandable.
But please don’t tell me not to worry. Or that of course I will be okay. Though in fact, it turns out I am okay this time, at least for now. Yesterday’s PET scan was ALL CLEAR. And I’m still processing this. It will take a few days before I allow myself to feel all that happy relief. Or rather, I will dole it out bit by bit… once you have almost died you learn to savour things, so this happy joy of once again dodging a cancer bullet should keep me going until at least Christmas. After that, it will be life as usual again. Or at least as usual as it ever is for cancer survivors. Hey, thanks for listening. xx
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Oh, yes. I also don’t agree with the ‘confused’ part. There is little worse than getting advice from someone who has not been there. I had a lady in the village telling me how important it is to stay positive, never get angry, so that my spiritual side stays strong. Well, I’m a lot more worried about my physical side staying strong, and I feel I can get angry if I want!
So pleased with your good news, Shawn. Was on tenterhooks til I heard. xx
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Ha! I had someone tell me yesterday that if I stay angry at people my cancer will come back. WTF? Some people deserve my anger, though I agree it’s a waste of time to harbour grudges or stay actively angry.
In fact, one sure fire way to get me angry is to tell me to stay positive! 😉
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When my husband was ill, people telling him to think positive and that he could beat this if he did just made him feel twice as bad on his down days. It’s well-meaning, but it made me angry with people.
So glad to hear your scan was clear.
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Thanks Deb. Yep, if positive thinking worked then nobody would get sick or die.
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I’ve never come up with the right words here. When I get my follow PSA, I always get the anxiety – so much is riding on the result. The best I’ve ever come up with is, “Hang there, waiting is difficult.”
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Sounds good to me.
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