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Tag Archives: pet scan

back in the jag!

15 Tuesday Jan 2019

Posted by azahar in cancer, hospitals, sevilla

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

cancer, cars, ct scan, hospitals, jaguar, pet scan, sevilla

So remember last June when I went to get my CT scan results at the hospital only to be told they hadn’t been completed yet? And that the saving grace of that whole debacle was being driven to the hospital in Spain’s ONLY Jaguar taxi??? Well, it happened again today. The Jaguar bit. The test results were all there today.

I mean, what are the odds? I didn’t even notice I was back in the Jag until I slid into the back seat (the driver held the door open for me) and saw THAT LOGO on the dashboard. And then I got all fan girl again, asking Pedro if he was still the only Jaguar taxi in Spain (he is) and also asking if I could get a card from him this time (which is how I know his name now). And then I thought… maybe this is a good sign, that everything is going to be alright.

Well, after waiting over an hour in Oncology I got to see my doctor, and she told me that I appear to be cancer free. Good news, right? Except I am still processing all this.

Since the PET scan a year ago that set off alarm bells, when the “area of inflammation” that has been showing up on my PET scans since 2008 had increased dramatically (previously it had been slowly shrinking), I have undergone a whack of testing: colonoscopy, endoscopy, several blood tests and 3 CT scans (latest CT was in November). And now, apparently, I am fine.

Well, that’s good! Glad to hear it, and all that. But now what? I mean, really, now what? My oncologist told me today that after ten years “cancer free” patients are given the “alta” (not sure what this is called in English) and regular scans and check ups are no longer required. I was told that if I experience pain or other symptoms, that they will check me again. Otherwise… nuthin’?

I don’t know. I mean, I am obviously happy that they have decided I am cancer-free after all this time. But, you know, I had fucking stage-4 colon cancer with metastisis to my liver and peritoneum and, to this day, none of my doctors understand why I am still here. I also know that by the time you feel pain caused by cancer you are already pretty much a goner. It’s the preventative testing that saves lives. So why am I getting kicked out of this option?

Okay, I wasn’t totally being shown the door. Because when I asked the doctor what sort of “control testing” they would be doing with me from this point on… well, she caved and said that they could do an abdominal ultrasound with blood tests in six months. And okay fine… I’ll take it.

I mean, I get it. CT scans are expensive, and PET scans even more so. In comparison an ultrasound is nothing. But once you’ve been through all I have gone through, and have talked with so many doctors, and never feeling like you are getting the whole story… it’s hard to believe you’re being told the whole truth. But for now, this is what I have.

love-hate-love

01 Thursday Dec 2016

Posted by azahar in cancer, friends, hope, hospitals, sevilla

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

cancer, hope, hospitals, pet scan

love-hate-loveGotta admit I have a love-hate-love relationship with this machine. But today I totally LOVE it. Another “all clear” PET scan today. So fucking relieved, so very very happy. Still can’t believe it. Spent the afternoon celebrating, now off to spend the evening at a work event. There will be jamón! xx

no carbs no booze – day 3!

30 Wednesday Nov 2016

Posted by azahar in cancer, diet & nutrition, food & drink

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

cancer, diet, food, pet scan

nocarbs-1courgetti with garlicky-bacony tomato sauce

Day three! Final day of PET scan prep and the no-carb-no-booze diet. And as you can see, I have been eating rather well. Wouldn’t want to eat like this forever, but I may start taking regular “carb & booze breaks” from now on. Or even just have the occasional no-carb-no-booze day. I actually had way more ideas for great non-carb things to make than I had time for.

nocarbs-3cheesy-eggy thingy

I only realized yesterday that I also wasn’t supposed to be drinking caffeine (!!) but apparently that’s more important during that last 24-hour stage, which is today. I certainly won’t make a habit of drinking green tea for breakfast, and a couple of times I would have LOVED a glass of wine (especially when out and about) but it really hasn’t been a big deal.

nocarbs-2chicken garam masala with lots of veggies

Anyhow, looking forward to having some toast tomorrow! The usual routine is that I get the scan done between 8 and 10 in the morning. Then I go for breakfast in the cafeteria while they check the images. Sometimes I have to go through the machine a second time, sometimes I don’t. After that, I’ll get my results. I’m so nervous! See you on the other side…

no carbs no booze

28 Monday Nov 2016

Posted by azahar in cancer, diet & nutrition, food & drink

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

cancer, drink, food, pet scan

no-carbs-no-booze

PET Scan Preparation

Well, it says just for 24 hours before an FDG PET, but I’m giving it three days. And frankly, after a full-on weekend in Antequera, I’d probably be doing this anyhow. So until Thursday morning I’ll be eating light, without wine, and BEING A NERVOUS WRECK. Scanxiety strikes again… fingers crossed!

scanxiety is what it is

21 Wednesday Oct 2015

Posted by azahar in cancer, health & happiness, home, hope, hospitals

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

cancer, hope, hospitals, pet scan, scanxiety

scanxiety

I came across this the other day whilst thinking about scanxiety, and at first I thought, hey yeah, that’s cool. But then I thought, hey wait a minute.

I agree with the bit that talks about the things that cause our anxiety have already happened (so saying not to worry about things that will never happen obviously does not work here). And I agree with the part that says it’s about remembering. Because it did happen to me. Again and then again. So you know, why wouldn’t it happen yet again?

Which brings me to the part I disagree with “it’s not so much about worrying.” Sorry, for me it’s TOTALLY about worrying. And fretting, and second-guessing, and hoping, and regretting, and even panicking. Hey, it happened before, it can happen again. Why is that so hard to understand? And all those well meaning people who say “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine”… I kind of wish they wouldn’t say that. I know it’s not meant as such but it feels a bit like being given the brush off. That I am worrying about nothing. Really? If your cancer came back twice would you honestly and truly believe it would never come back again? That there is nothing to worry about? Think again.

So what’s the best thing to say to someone terrified about the possible outcome of yet another PET scan? Well, how about whatever is real for you? That you have no idea what I’m going through but you are hoping for the best. That you will get on the next plane if it all goes tits up. That you’ve been through this yourself and it’s totally shit and you’ll be waiting for me on the other side of the results. And even that you care a lot but simply don’t know what to say – that’s all totally okay and also totally understandable.

But please don’t tell me not to worry. Or that of course I will be okay. Though in fact, it turns out I am okay this time, at least for now. Yesterday’s PET scan was ALL CLEAR. And I’m still processing this. It will take a few days before I allow myself to feel all that happy relief. Or rather, I will dole it out bit by bit… once you have almost died you learn to savour things, so this happy joy of once again dodging a cancer bullet should keep me going until at least Christmas. After that, it will be life as usual again. Or at least as usual as it ever is for cancer survivors. Hey, thanks for listening. xx

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