• about azahar (that’s me!)
  • my cancer story
  • azahar’s kitchen
  • azahar’s sevilla
  • sevilla tapas
  • personal trip planning

casa azahar

~ my life in sevilla

casa azahar

Author Archives: azahar

black monday

26 Monday Feb 2024

Posted by azahar in health, health & happiness, sevilla

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

health, sevilla

black monday

Nothing really to do with it being Monday since, as a freelancer, there aren’t actually any weekdays or weekends (or holidays). And as far as my work goes, I love it, so I don’t fall prey to pre-work dread. So what is it then? Good question. I know this has been building up for a while now with my usual tools of denial, deflection and determination getting me through. But something feels wrong. I feel like I’m in a dark place that is scaring the fuckity out of me and every day it gets harder to get out of bed and care about anything. So every day is an exercise in going through the motions in the hope that my… what? will kick back in.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still going about my life, working, seeing friends, doing stuff I like, making plans… but it kind of feels like I am actually missing while all of this stuff going on, like I’m not really there. The detachment is what’s scaring me. Feels like I’ve been here before and it didn’t go well. I wish I could be more clear about this but as about 90% of my childhood memories don’t exist I’ve always felt like I am playing it by ear. Day by day.

Believing in myself has always been a challenge and there is a propensity to believe the worst and not have faith in the good stuff. What can I say? I know I’m a complicated person. But it turns out that for many people out there I’m kind of a “marmite” love-or-hate person. Honestly I’d rather just be liked and respected on a mutual individual basis… don’t require unanimous love and sure don’t do well with hate.

Anyhow, just blowing off some steam as I am sitting here at home unable to go outside because… can’t.

sunday song – love and affection

25 Sunday Feb 2024

Posted by azahar in music, sunday song, video

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

love and affection, sunday song

caturday february 24th 2024

24 Saturday Feb 2024

Posted by azahar in casa azahar, cats, caturday, home

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

cats, caturday

caturday february 24 2024

what? 🧡🐈‍⬛

too much pain

23 Friday Feb 2024

Posted by azahar in fitness, health, health & happiness, knee saga, knees

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

health, knees

knee pain

So I’m pretty much desperate now. I’ve had KNEES for the past few years, meaning that I became physically aware that they existed rather than previously when they just functioned without making their presence known. But it was only last year May-June when I started having serious knee pain. So I got it checked out, got x-rays and an MRI in September (on the left knee, though by then it was the right knee that was giving me more grief). In fact I ended up at emergency when the pain got so bad it scared me. Doc just said I should stay off it and prescribed pain meds, including Nolotil which is BANNED IN 20 COUNTRIES as one of its many nasty side effects is DEATH. Needless to say I eschewed the drugs.

I haven’t gone back to my GP about the MRI results because when I tried a phone appointment a few months ago she was on holiday and I got her replacement who just told me to take painkillers and ride a stationary bike. The fuck? For what it’s worth I’ve set up another phone appointment for next week to see if she has anything more helpful to say. Like, I should probably be seeing an orthopaedic specialist at this point, plus I think the right knee also needs an MRI. And then, you know, maybe some helpful advice?

Meanwhile, I can barely walk anymore. It’s shocking to me how things went from “gee my knees kinda hurt” less than a year ago to screaming pain whenever I have to get up from a seated position (once I get moving it eases up a bit, but only a bit). Needless to say this affects my job which involves a lot of walking. But it has also affected my life in general because walking is what I do! I’m always out and about, getting my steps in, just being out there. Now it takes all my effort to put myself through the pain it takes to just walk a few blocks. It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted.

upcoming getaways!

22 Thursday Feb 2024

Posted by azahar in andalucia, getaways, spain, travel

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

getaways, spain, travel

on the road

It’s been quite a while since I’ve travelled anywhere. Out of choice, much like I have barely worked over the past couple of months during the peak of Covid-Flu season. But three things have come up in March that have pushed me to MAKE PLANS.

The first is an awards event with the Academia Andalucía de Gastronomía in Córdoba weekend after next, which will also be a birthday present for Peter. Then mid-March I’m doing a day trip to Jerez to see my friends Julie & Steven who are back in Spain to celebrate Steven’s 80th birthday. The following week I am finally getting back to Sanlúcar de Barrameda after far too long.

Hotels and trains have been booked and I’m actually quite excited now. Of course we will be fully masked on public transport and will test before leaving for each trip just in case. Fingers crossed!

← Older posts
Newer posts →

patreon (1)

OR

comments

Unknown's avatararacena getaway day… on reyes & javi
Unknown's avatararacena getaway day… on aracena getaway day 1
Unknown's avatarthe terminator tooth… on broken tooth sequel
Unknown's avatarthe terminator tooth… on eep! broken tooth!
Unknown's avatararacena getaway day… on postcard from aracena
Unknown's avatararacena getaway day… on birthday trip
Unknown's avatararacena getaway day… on finca buenvino
Unknown's avatarsunday song –… on aracena getaway!
Unknown's avatararacena getaway! | c… on birthday trip
Unknown's avatarcaturday april 11th… on morcilla is 13!

meta

  • Create account
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.com

visitations

  • 980,729 peeks

categories

archives

Enter your email address to subscribe to casa az and get email notices of new posts.

Join 2,279 other subscribers

azahar on Instagram

No Instagram images were found.

Blog at WordPress.com.

  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • casa azahar
    • Join 2,012 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • casa azahar
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...